Thursday, March 10, 2011

Givers and Takers

I had lunch with a beautiful Sheikha friend a few weeks ago and she brought along her friend, A.  A didn't know me, didn't know anything about me, but sat down and looked at my coffee cup and started telling me things about myself.

"Oh boy!  You were MAD at someone.  Very very mad.  ... but you are happy about it."   'Why yes!  I am.' I told him with a big smile.

He told me that there are big changes coming my way and lots of happy times with friends (that's true).  He pulled out a playing card from his wallet and asked my friend and I to tell him what card it was.  I told him "9" and she said "7".  It was a 9.  "You will definately have big changes for the better."  Cool.  He also saw the name in Arabic for "tennis racket" very clearly and told me to remember him when it all made sense. (Otay.  Nothing on that one yet.  I don't see anything tennis-related in my future.)

I do confess:  I have been very very angry at someone lately.  It comes and it goes (with a few pointed SMSs now and then to make myself feel better) and I have got to say that really, I am angrier at myself for believing and trusting in this person and didn't see (or didn't want to see) what was going on.  It was a betrayal, and the last in a long series of them that I have been allowing to happen for the sake of maintaining the relationship.

Sometimes I just resist change when it could be the best thing to happen to me.  God has plans. God seems to have plans for me every year in the Spring.  Maybe it is "renewal" or "rebirth" with the change of the seasons.  It usually happens right around February or March (remember March 23rd?).

I know I'm a good person.  I don't take advantage of others and I do my very very best to help anyone I can because really - isn't it a blessing?  So when you give and give and give and then suddenly, you realize just how much you have had to give while the other person has given nothing in return; you end up feeling used (even though it was - realistically - your choice to give in the first place and you have to take ownership for that: So I do. )

It is my fault.  I like to give (and that includes my time which I consider valuable).  Some people like to take. I should be smarter about realizing the imbalance when it is happening, but I just don't.  I think that there are many people who mistake kindness as a sign of weakness or stupidity.  I've never been either.  I'm just an ENFJ personality type and can't/don't want to change.

So, when I got angry, I wasn't sad about it.  I was happy.  Its a blessing when God shows you something and tests your strength of character.  But you are not the only person who is being tested... takers can't take forever without having to pay a price. 

But then, I don't have to worry about that.  I sleep phuckin fantastic at night (mashallah!) with a clear conscience - and the love of a few beloved friends calling to ask me if I need anything.

... like my friend, Khaled Al-S (but that's for another post).... :)


abdul basit said...

there are people who make us crazy and mad.even i was angry at my father,the reason is too sensitive.the best thing to do when they try to make u angry is to be calm,be normal,take it easy.never express ur anger in any ways.some people just enjoy making others angry and watch them shouting and going mad and from inside they are laughing at him/her,and if they are gossip type people they will discuss it later with their type people.i know its tough to do that,but u need to try,being angry will hurt oneself and he/she may take a bad decision to deal with it.
Its good to hear that u were angry and happy.i think u already knew it before i typed it,anyways since i have typed it,i dont feel like erasing it.

Stan said...

Hmm, not exactly sure what frame of mind you are in now(Happy,sad or angry). Nevertheless everything happens for a reason.

You do have a good heart and I hope all your wish's do come true.

Desert Girl said...

I'm in a GREAT mood! That's what frame of mind I'm in.

Anonymous said...

can relate:-)) met a lot of "Takers" in this town! Unfortunately, I think it comes down to their desperation of whatever reason of living in Kuwait and thus their needy energy deprives them of being able to count their blessings and not being able to actually believe they can give anything to anyone! It becomes quite narcissistic because everything then becomes,"It's all about me! Poor me! Help me!" -- I'm helpless and I can't get up! -- Whenever, I meet one of these people, they do take my kindness as an open invitation to suck away at my energy! Advice: When you see crazy coming...... cross the street! Avoid at all costs!!!!