I had lunch with a beautiful Sheikha friend a few weeks ago and she brought along her friend, A. A didn't know me, didn't know anything about me, but sat down and looked at my coffee cup and started telling me things about myself.
"Oh boy! You were MAD at someone. Very very mad. ... but you are happy about it." 'Why yes! I am.' I told him with a big smile.
He told me that there are big changes coming my way and lots of happy times with friends (that's true). He pulled out a playing card from his wallet and asked my friend and I to tell him what card it was. I told him "9" and she said "7". It was a 9. "You will definately have big changes for the better." Cool. He also saw the name in Arabic for "tennis racket" very clearly and told me to remember him when it all made sense. (Otay. Nothing on that one yet. I don't see anything tennis-related in my future.)
I do confess: I have been very very angry at someone lately. It comes and it goes (with a few pointed SMSs now and then to make myself feel better) and I have got to say that really, I am angrier at myself for believing and trusting in this person and didn't see (or didn't want to see) what was going on. It was a betrayal, and the last in a long series of them that I have been allowing to happen for the sake of maintaining the relationship.
Sometimes I just resist change when it could be the best thing to happen to me. God has plans. God seems to have plans for me every year in the Spring. Maybe it is "renewal" or "rebirth" with the change of the seasons. It usually happens right around February or March (remember March 23rd?).
I know I'm a good person. I don't take advantage of others and I do my very very best to help anyone I can because really - isn't it a blessing? So when you give and give and give and then suddenly, you realize just how much you have had to give while the other person has given nothing in return; you end up feeling used (even though it was - realistically - your choice to give in the first place and you have to take ownership for that: So I do. )
It is my fault. I like to give (and that includes my time which I consider valuable). Some people like to take. I should be smarter about realizing the imbalance when it is happening, but I just don't. I think that there are many people who mistake kindness as a sign of weakness or stupidity. I've never been either. I'm just an ENFJ personality type and can't/don't want to change.
So, when I got angry, I wasn't sad about it. I was happy. Its a blessing when God shows you something and tests your strength of character. But you are not the only person who is being tested... takers can't take forever without having to pay a price.
But then, I don't have to worry about that. I sleep phuckin fantastic at night (mashallah!) with a clear conscience - and the love of a few beloved friends calling to ask me if I need anything.
... like my friend, Khaled Al-S (but that's for another post).... :)