Monday, January 31, 2005

Sheel ow Meshi

For those of you (Pinksuedeshoes) who NEED to know where to get a (now-famous) sheel ow Meshi sandweech, the restaurant is called "Steak Jad", behind Platinum gym, 1 street back from Shar al Mataaem. Phone 5719955. All they serve is sandwiches - they won't even give you pickles. Sheel ow Meshi is like a shawarma, but it is lamb with their special kind of barbecue sauce. It comes with somekinda cheese in it - perhaps puck. Totally yummy. I'm addicted.

All Fired Up

I got all fired up this morning about someone who was under the assumption that I am a "typical" westerner. First, and foremost, I don't believe that anyone is typical; God made us all individuals for a reason. Second, I don't like prejudice of any kind. You can't judge anyone without knowing them and to know them - knowing people takes time.

I'm not bored because of Kuwait or because of Kuwaitis. I love Kuwait and thankfully, I find something new every day (you can do that anywhere, by the way - it all depends on your perspective and where you look). I was bored because it was Saturday - similar to a Monday in the States; the beginning of the work week where you just don't feel motivated. But hey - again - that could be the same circumstance anywhere in any country on any continent.

It is okay to call me typical. I have more Kuwaiti friends (and have had most of my life) than Western ones. I worked during the Gulf War to help Kuwaitis - even when the Kuwaiti embassy closed at 5 pm and my diplomat friends who worked there went to bars. I don't believe that they were typical either - it just was what it was. I am still reminding my young Kuwaiti friends of what happened during 90 and 91 because many don't remember. I do. To me, it was like it happened last year.

As far as reading books and going to the cinema - I do when I want to. That's my business. I try not to post negative comments on anyone else's blog because life is already full of negativity. Live and let live.

Okay, with all that out of the way, my friends, NT and Sio, called me at around 9:45 this morning - reminding me that life is too short to worry about trivial matters. They both live right off Shaar Al Mataaem where the shootout took place this morning (9:30 - 10:00). NT called me with the sounds of grenades and gunfire going off behind her; not just once, but for an entire 30 minutes. It sounded like a war zone. Sio was walking down the street between Blaajat and Restaurants Street. I don't know what's wrong with that girl! I told her to duck in anywhere. She must have been the only stupid Westerner on the street!

I really wanted a Sheel ow Meshi sandwich today, but I guess that is out of the question right now. I hope those guys are okay.

For as much as we complain about the police here, I've got to hand it to them: They are stopping a lot of violence before it occurs. The bad guys probably would have launched attacks in crowded areas in Kuwait. My prayers go out to the families of the policeman and the Bahraini who were caught in the crossfire.

Saturday, January 29, 2005

I hate Saturdays Here

Monday/Saturday/Monday - whatever. Same sh&*! I'm sleepy. I'm bored. I'm REALLY unmotivated.

I had a fun weekend thanks to new friends. As usual (Dr. Phil!!!) my weekend centered around food.

Okay, Wednesday night, the dinner that AB invited me to wasn't private OR romantic - It was me and 6 men. Under normal circumstances, I would think that is fair, but I didn't expect it! I thought me, AB, some boring business conversation followed by flirting over a romantic meal. What I GOT was 2 German guys, 2 of AB's Kuwaiti associates, Pushyman, and a bunch of hoochies in niqab and tonnes of make-up staring at the 6 guys the entire time! The only flirting I got was when I accidentally stepped on AB's foot (very big I might add) under the table. I even wore a SKIRT. I NEVER wear skirts! BBBBBOOOOORING!!!

My Wednesday night discovery is Richoux in Araya mall!!! DAMN - there are some good looking men in there and I will definately go back when I'm not with 6 men; although they were good for bait.

Pushyman is AB's mandoub, I discovered. HA. Poser.

Thursday morning, I woke up early to go to breakfast with Naz at The One. We like it there. Good poached eggs. The One is also having a huge sale and although I need Nothing, I bought Everything.

Then, I met up with Mediagirl who is totally nice and I really really like her and - Girl, welcome to Kuwait! It WILL get better. I promise. Stop crying.

We went to Wasabi for lunch (Ellie is yummy) and then we went shopping and bought More Crap I Don't Need: I did get a nice sweatshirt marked down from 46 kd to 11 kd. Can you believe that? They wanted to charge 46 kd for a sweat shirt that would cost max $20 in the States. Hala February is full of "bargains" like that: Items that are marked up to be marked down.

Why doesn't anyone open Target here? I love Target. When I get off the plane from Kuwait, after seeing my family, I head to Target.

Friday I had to get up early to go to breakfast with a business associate (more food at Johnny Rockets). Did you know that J Rockets serves breakfast now between 7 and 12 at Marina Crescent? I don't think most Westerners have figured that out yet.

Then, more shopping, then to the Balls of Kuwait (there are 3 because Kuwait has more testosterone) - the Kuwait Towers - for coffee in the evening.

Barbecue Boy is VERY upset that I am spending so much time with my friends and not with him. He only called me once yesterday, "Either I come to you right now, or I go to the chalet. Which one?" I'm like, "Damn - go to the chalet. I'm with my girlfriends." BB: "What is WRONG with you these past 2 days?" Me: (Well, duuuuuh) I am hanging with my friends. (Isn't it fun to see a man playing the clingy girlfriend for once?)

Bunny totally dissed me this weekend. He was supposed to come over on Wednesday and then forgot (better because I wouldn't have gone out with AB and found out that we were NOT ALONE), but the fact that he forgot upset me. He didn't call me all weekend; supposedly "sick". Silly rabbit, tricks are made for kids.

I miss my family and I really should go back to the US for a while. My 10-year-old nefew chipped a bone in his foot, sliding down a hill and hitting it on a rock. They took him to the doctor and the doctor asked him, "how did you do that?" My nefew: "A rock." Doctor: "Oh my God! They are sending kids your age to Iraq?!"

Thursday, January 27, 2005

She's Just Not That Into You

There was a guy that I met last year. I’m just not that into him. I went out with him a few times and my God – he is SO pushy. He kept asking me to go to his villa (which he shares rent on with 6 other guys) for parties and, “Bring your clothes, so you can spend the night.” Hel-looooooo! My place is only about 15 minutes away; and even if it was an hour away – what makes him think I’m going to do a sleepover? Duuuuuuh.

Anyhoo, so today, I am stampeding out of work at around lunchtime and BAM! There he is in my face… sitting in our reception area….with an incredibly good looking, tall man. I said hello to Pushyman and he introduced me to “his partner” (which is BS because I know Pushyman works for him). I immediately whip out my… business card and give it to AB (as we shall refer to him; only initials like in the Arab Times). AB starts talking business with me and I forget that Pushyman is even standing there (he walked out to the parking lot for a cigarette). AB ended up asking me to dinner. I’ll be upset if he’s married. I hate that. He probably is because he is Kuwaiti and over 12 years old… unless I get lucky and he’s divorced or she’s dead or whatever (that was mean – going to Hell). I hope “dinner” doesn’t mean “tamesha” or Shar al Mataaem.

I wonder if Pushyman understands that I’m Just Not That Into Him. I missed Oprah (damn work!) yesterday when the guy from Sex In The City who coined that phrase was on. Pushyman is nice in his own way. I could explain some reasons why I’m not into him… Oh, what the Hell, I will. He lied to me twice as soon as I met him (like I’m not going to find out. Like I’m a stupid ajnabeeya! As if!) Then he asked me to dinner which turned out to be a 300 fil cup of coffee at an outdoor cafĂ©: I made such a big deal out of it that he was forced to take me to a nice restaurant and then he stiffed the Very Nice Waiter from South Africa out of a tip, forcing me to sneak back and give him a nicer tip. Ick! I hate stupid and cheap. THEN he tells me about his haileg x-wife and asks me how I would feel about getting married – soon – and how do I like babies (ew, ew, ew! Bile!). I just didn’t call him again and didn’t answer his 4 million phone calls inviting me to parties with a bunch of cheap hoochies (he made it sound SO exciting! I shall repeat – AS IF!).

Bunny is still MIA. L (sadness)

Barbecue Boy is bored and wants to spend time with me (probably around sheesha). He has sheesha-cough. I told him he should start drinking alcohol and quit the sheesha because it would be way more healthy for him (especially red wine). Every time I talk to him, it sounds like he is going to hack up a lung. Guys – that is just not sexy. He took his family to the desert and had his mother, sister, and a few more relatives in the car when I called to sing him the Diarrhea Song. (He is easily grossed out.) It was even more hysterical when the only reaction I got was a silent pause, followed by, “I’m with my mother right now. Can I call you back?” I was in the car with Naz – both of us laughing our asses off (yeah – that’s a lot of ass!).

If anyone would like the lyrics to the Diarrhea Song, please post a comment and I will be happy to comply. Maybe to reciprocate, you could give me the full lyrics to “Bel Belli, Bel Bool,” because I only know that phrase and “Belli”.

I went to the fabric souq last night and about a million icky cigarette-smoking men wearing clothes purchased at the Friday Market stared at my butt. The friend that I took down there for the first time seemed to enjoy it. I, once again, bought a whole lot of crap that I don’t really need. Indian Heritage is having a sale for Hala Hala. I got home around 10 and at one of the humungous hot dogs I had left (fresh pack). Size does matter. Not a very nutritious dinner, but okay.

My right arm hurts from mousing. I got tennis elbow 2 years go from clicking the mouse too much. I told all my friends and co-workers that I have tennis elbow (so that they would think that I'm athletic). I had to go for physio-therapy. They stuck electrodes on me and it almost made me puke, so I stopped. I have a high electromagnetic field. Go figure.

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Why is it that men always look at you when you are out with another man?

Ok, so last night I went to the new Indian restaurant (Aisha's?) at Marina Crescent with my buddy, Naz. We are just buddies. I saw like 3 gazillion DAMN good lookin men and they were all looking back and why.... because I was with another man. It is the thrill of the hunt, not the actual capture. I mean, one of them was so handsome that I almost fell off my chair looking at him. It is so sad....

By the way, that restaurant is fantastic: gorgeous atmosphere, friendly/professional servers, wonderful food. I can't believe I didn't get there before.

It is now Hala February in Kuwait. Why it isn't being showcased on CNN and BBC, one will never know. I think they may have gotten rid of the paper mache floats that they had in previous years; many of which (in my opiniion) were put together by patients at the local psychiatric hospital. So the shopping MADNESS has begun. Be ready for the onslaught of shoppers from regions as far away as Khafji...

Monday, January 24, 2005

Some day....

From Snow White....

Some day my prince will come
Some day we'll meet again
And away to his castle we'll go
To be happy forever I know

Some day when spring is here
We'll find our love anew
And the birds will sing
And wedding bells will ring
Some day when my dreams come true

Some day my prince will come
Some day I'll find my love
And how thrilling that moment will be
When the prince of my dreams comes to me

He'll whisper "I love you"
And steal a kiss or two
Though he's far away
I'll find my love some day
Some day when my dreams come true

Some day I'll find my love
Someone to call my own
And I'll know him the moment we meet
For my heart will start skipping a beat

Some day we'll say and do
Things we've been longing to
Though he's far away
I'll find my love some day
Some day when my dreams come true

Sunday, January 23, 2005

4 Days Off and Now I Need to Be Re-Trained

4 days off work isn't enough. See, if you get 3 days, then you are still kind of in the "work zone", but 4 throws you into another category... ''beginning of vacation." So, to fulfill "beginning of vacation," I feel that you need at least a complete week off. That is not to say that I only want 3 days and not 4. It just means that I need more time off.

So, I actually got to work on time this morning. Perhaps it was because there was no traffic. Perhaps because I left a window open last night and was freezing my butt off this morning (see - the alarm-clock-across-the-room-trick actually DOES work sometimes!).

Want to know why it rained camels and goats yesterday? Because I planned a barbecue. I ended up on my balcony, grilling hamburgers and hot dogs (the largest I could find because size does matter) and freezing in the rain while standing in a puddle. That was in addition to tacos (and salad, and corn, and brownies) I made. yummmm. Bunny was there (and Aunty Em, and Toto....) and Naz and my friend who is depressed (who I just KNEW was going to get along great with Naz - and they did. Exchanged phone numbers and everything.). Waleed was there too and even though he is totally prejudice against my people (the Bedu), he got along great with Bunny. I was almost jealous. All that laughing and carrying on.

Anyhoo, I invited 2 girls I know who used to be conservative, but are now slutty (as Bunny said, not me). They are very nice, but I'm pretty sure were just there to drink all my alcohol and find out what kind of men I had over. They left at 12 to find another party. I was wondering how they could walk in those shoes; they had literally 4" heels. My mother calls those, "hooker shoes." Hey - if the shoe fits... That is so bad. They are nice hoochies. I'm going to Hell.

I hadn't seen Bunny in a long time. He was supposed to take me to lunch one day, but then overslept. I mean - I oversleep, but how can you oversleep ALL the time or when you have stuff to do?

One of my friends sent me these words of wisdom this morning. I shall share:

I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me and weall could use more calm in our lives.By following the simple advice I heard on Dr. Phil Show, I have finally found inner peace. Dr. Phil proclaimed the way to achieve inner peace isto finish all the things you have started.So I looked around my house to see things I started and hadn't finishedand before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle ofMerlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bottle of Baileys, a bottle of Kahlua,a package of Oreo's, a pot of coffee, the rest of the Cheesecake, some Saltines and a box of Godiva Chocolates. You have no idea how freaking good I feel. Please pass this on to those you feel are in need of inner peace.

Oh, I went out with Barbecue Boy this weekend. After some time off, he seems to have chilled a bit. He is still, unfortunately, a big know-it-all. He still doesn't get it. I didn't get my barbecue bits. I guess it might have been because I bit his head off and now he has The Fear. Anyways, I got him to eat Japanese food and so I feel that I have accomplished something of worth. (You should have seen the faces he made! Priceless.) What's the big deal? I don't make those faces when I sit next to him at a Lebanese restaurant and he's smoking sheesha (the last legal recreational drug in Kuwait). I don't necessarily like tongue sandwich (unless it is a metaphor) or uncooked beef. Whatever floats your boat.

I can't believe it is sunny today and now I'm at work. That sucks.

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Short Workweeks ROCK!!!!

I love all the holidays here. It is so cool. Too bad I have no where to go and no one to go with. I used to travel alone, but then it got more-than-stay-at-home-pathetic, so I stopped.

The Don: Sounds like you've got a life. Have a great time in Dubai - and then write to me and tell me all about it, so I can live vicariously through you!

Through a conversation with my sister last night, I have decided to eliminate all references to Dickhead Fuckwit. She's right. I shouldn't publish all that stuff. It will come back to bite me in the derrier. I miss my sister. I miss my whole family.

Barbecue Boy called last night. I have decided to go out with him for coffee (also known as: I still don't know what kind of barbecue utinsils he might have for me, so I want to find out). I still have barbecue-utinsil-envy because of previous discussions with Barbecue Boy. The good thing is that now, a lot of my friends are going down to the metal market (I forget the exact name) in Sharq (next to Al-Mulla's dealership) to buy their very-cool-grills. I only paid 8 kd for mine - complete with skewers; as opposed to the 30 kd I previously shelled out at the Sultan Center on a Weber grill. It was so low to the ground that I hurt my back grilling. Plus, I got "barbecue faced" (red from the fire and smokey) every time I had to bend down to grill. I'd actually have to remember to remove all my make-up prior to grilling. It wasn't posh. I then went to Ace and for 4 kd, I bought a posh barbecue grill cover (kind of like paying $10,000 for a little car and throwing on $5,000 rims). So what - I like it.

The Bunny has been MIA of late. I'm going to make him jealous by going to Buffalos and eating wings and a canyon burger and then I am going to call him. And THEN, I am going to go home and feel really terrible about eating all that meat when I am supposed to be losing weight (somehow - don't ask how).

Camrys: This morning, it was a light green one. What IS it about Camrys????

Serious Desert Girl Moments...

I have to take a minute here to warn my blog readers of impending seriousness. Around Liberation and National Days, I am planning to post some serious information about the Occupation . I remember distinctly what happened. My friends remember what happened. Our families remember what happened. It affected us all - both inside and outside Kuwait.

I think that it is REALLY important for young people in Kuwait to remember and to be reminded about what happened here during the months from August, 1990, to February, 1991. Maybe if more Kuwaitis - now in their 20's - knew more or were reminded about what happened, they would be less likely to commit the types of violent acts that have been happening in Kuwait lately.

No one who lived through those months of hell wants to talk about it - but it is so important! It has been a short fourteen years since Kuwait was liberated from Saddam - by allied forces including the USA and UK. These are the same forces that young Kuwaitis are now plotting against.

Knowing your past shapes your future.

Now... back to our regularly scheduled programming...

Sunday, January 16, 2005

Monkey Spank in a White Camry

Why are people driving white Camrys so evil? There was one trying (unsuccessfully I might add) to overtake me on the 5th this morning in bumper-to-bumper traffic. He was gettin his groove on - trying to squeeze a 3rd lane between me and the Kuwaiti female student in a Pathfinder next to me. I am reasonably certain that ALL Kuwaiti female students in this country drive Pathfinders for some reason. I don't know why. Perhaps it is 99kd/month installment as advertised on 99.7 - Radio Babtain. Pathfinder drivers, unlike white Camry drivers, are usually good, courteous drivers. Maxima drivers are THE worst. Most of them have little..... brains.

I went to the SAS last night for a dinner function. The security was high: for some reason, it seemed to be Old Security Dude night (guess the younger ones were down in Um Al Haiman chasing Saudis). There were about 5 of the oldsters at the SAS checkpoint. Needless to say... I did NOT feel like flirting. One of the old dudes told me that he was going to give me a ticket because he couldn't see my front license plate. I just told him to give me his number and get it over with. His compatriot, other old dude, kept saying, "no, no. He doesn't understand." Personally, I am sure that I was the only one who didn't understand. Enough to make you want to start permanently shaking your head back and forth. Oi vey.

Sheel ow meshi: gotta have one today. It has been too long.

Most of my American friends are asking me if I fear the terrorists. I fear all forms of terrorists (especially the bad drivers), but am I nervous about recent events in Kuwait? No, not really. I was nervous in some parts of DC. I saw 2 shoot-outs right next to me. I was on my way to a nightclub once and I saw police shooting at bad guys; the bad guys crashed and the shooting started. It was next to me at a light - kind of like a movie. Then I thought, 'oh Sh... I better get out of here, it isn't a movie.' Do I feel weird about working somewhere with a lot of other Americans? Yes, because most of the Americans here are weird.

I'm happy that the Kuwaiti forces are catching these guys. My friends friend was killed in the Fisherman's Diwaniya off the Gulf Road in the 80's when someone drove into it (I believe with a bomb - is that right?). He was just drinking tea and smoking sheesha. At least Kuwait is taking these situations seriously. They have probably prevented a lot of deaths.

Oh, what am I doing for Eid, you ask? Sitting on my bigfatass in front of the TV, that's what.

Anyone from Costa Coffee Reading this?

Costa Coffee people!!!! I gave you an ENORMOUS amount of free advertising lately (write to me and I'll tell you where/when) and I was just wondering - can SOMEONE please get me just 1 bag of your ground coffee? I dated an Al-Shaya dude once. Does that score any points? I thought he was an uptight jerk (but really handsome).

This one time (not at band camp), me and this Shaya Dude were driving back from B'naider. I didn't have a Kuwaiti license yet (was a newbie), but had my American passport with me. We got stopped at a checkpoint (2 am). The guy takes B. Al-Shaya's license, then looks at me and asks B in Arabic for my ID, so I give him my US passport. Traffic Dude looks at it, then looks at B and says to him in Arabic, "Britaniyya?" (is she Brittish?). duuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Some random thoughts on tefteeshes (traffic checkpoints): First, my girlfriends and I loved the roadblocks during the Bush War to "Liberate" (aka circumsize) Iraq because there were checkpoints all over the country. They weren't the usual checkpoint guys; they got the Ministry of Interior regular-desk-job-guys out there. My single girlfriends and I used to drive through all the checkpoints to find out where the cutest guys were. Sometimes, in a day, we would drive through the same checkpoint 4-5 times - just to get some attention. (YES! That is how pathetic my life is.) Sometimes, when they would wave us through, we would stop and shake our heads (if they were cute); or make the international sign for handcuffs (putting your wrists together). The usual taftheesh guys are kinda grungy for the most part. I make it a point to go through checkpoints eating a shawarma if at all possible. (I don't know why.) I usually ask if they want some - just for fun.

Something else just for fun: I make it a point when I go to fill up my car at KNPC, I always go to gas pump #6 at each station. That way, when I get up to the little booth where you pay, I look at the guy, smile, and say, "Sex." And when I get a reaction, I'm like, "NO! I said six". Little things that provide hours of shyts and giggles.

Is anyone as upset about Brad and Jennifer as I am? It really depresses me. I have so few happy couple role models and they were so cuuuuuuuuute together. I can't take any more depression.

Saturday, January 15, 2005

Where is this year going?

Can you believe that it is January 15th, 2005, already? Where is time going? Why don't I have a life? Why aren't I living La Vida Loca or perhaps "settled down" with 2.5 beautiful children and a gorgeous husband who makes me laugh and blush and want to be with him 24/7? Why? Why? Why?

Because I'm me and the Universe has other plans for me. What plans, may I ask please?

I had a nice weekend. Good food. Good friends. Happiness.

Bunny ditched me for greener rabbit pastures somewhere... sigh.

I went to see some old friends and met some new ones on Wednesday - that is until my friends' cat got to my allergies and even 2 Claratine pills couldn't stop my sneezing. I love hanging out with them. Why does something always block my progress? F-ing CATS!

Thursday, I hooked up with one of my many, many, many X's. He is tall, handsome, single, funny, intelligent, financially solvent. In other words - just plain yummy. I even know both of his parents and all of his brothers.... and yet, somehow we are like oil and water together. It just doesn't work. He pisses me off, I piss him off. Then, he gets all perschnickety and won't talk to me for months. I guess I haven't talked to him this last time for about 6 months. I've known the guy for 6 years. I keep telling him that we could have 12 children by now (if we had twins). I don't know if he has the capacity to love. Do ya know when you know someone and you just don't feel like they love you or CAN love - or maybe they are just too selfish? (OKAY!!!! Kind of the way I was with Barbecue Boy! - shut up!)

This is so pathetic - I went out and bought more barbecue equipment this weekend because now I have an inferiority complex because I DON'T have the right stuff, so I need to GET the right stuff.

In my quest, I made 2 discoveries: Mirah Center in Shuwaikh has an entire upstairs with cheap electronic stuff (as long as you don't mind lots of men staring at your butt). There is a place called Daiso (or something like that) next to the Home Center in Shuwaikh where everything is from Japan and everything is 500 fils!!!! So cool - if you can figure out what HELL half of the stuff IS (all the labels are in Japanese). For example: is it candy, detergent... no, it is bath salt! I bought some great ceramic plates and a soy sauce dispenser for sushi. I may appear rich and beautiful, but in reality - I'm not rich. 500 fils for junk that I didn't really need anyway, but really really must have - rocks my world.

Barbecue Boy hasn't called me. It is, quite obviously, my fault. I do kind of miss the attention. Now, I would really like all the barbecue equipment he bought me. Sad, really.

To all y'alls who have written really nice comments on my blog here, thank you very much. I'm one of those people who thrives on positive feedback (aka I'm insecure) and it is always nice to hear - especially since I work full time for dickhead fuckwits who never praise me.

Thursday, January 13, 2005

Happy Happy Wednesday

I should be happy. It is Wednesday. The weather is beautiful. The sun is shining. Birds (somewhere) are singing. The ocean is pretty. The sky is pretty. I ate cookies for breakfast. My brain tumor isn't bothering me today.

One of my friends called me today to tell me that she has been in a depression and wants me to help her... Isn't THAT the pot calling the kettle bleak? She suffers from clinical depression, maskeena. Maybe I can set her up with Barbecue Boy..... THERE is a happy thought.

Crowne Plaza Privilege club: They used to be wonderful. I love their program. The card virtually pays for itself in only a few meals. Now, while the program is still great - their service SUCKS. I had nothing but trouble trying to get my card renewed. It has taken 2 weeks and they still haven't given it to me. ARGH!!!!! The "privilege" to them means making their customers do a whole lota work to get their card. I genuinely want to smack someone right now.

Does anyone know why there were F18's flying over my office this morning? I'm assuming that it wasn't ME they were after. They did it 3 times. I hope that it isn't another lost American pilot, thinking he's in Iraq. That would really suck, wouldn't it?

I took another route to work this morning to avoid Mean, Vengeful Traffic Cop. It was more relaxing, although longer, methinks. Either way - I still get to work late. DAMN that snooze!!!

Little trick I use to make myself get out of bed in the morning (that doesn't work): I bought a REALLY loud, obnoxious alarm clock and I place it waaaaay on the other side of the room. My philosophy is that I have to jump out of bed and get cold to turn it off - thus waking me up. The problem with this scenario is that I turn it off and jump back into bed again with my mobile phone, which I have seemed to have learned to set the alarm clock on while I am actually in REM sleep (how bizaar!) and then I just keep hitting snooze (set at convenient 15-minute intervals).

Ya see, it isn't REALLY the rain or the traffic that makes me late. If I was late to work in the mornings due to something FUN, then I would be smiling right now and I wouldn't care what my boss thought.

Valentine's Day is just around the corner. Do you think I should send out reminder notices? Is Godiva still in Fanar? Does anyone still love me or am I just too evil-tempered now?

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

Think I have a brain tumor...

I've had a headache for over a week. This comes on the tail-end of the virus/tonsilitus that I had last week. I think it is either a blood clot in my brain or some form of alien that may pop out at any time. Actually, I know that it is work-related from stress. Heavy sigh.

WHY are they digging up Salmiya (besides the obvious - corruption)? WHY do they have to start at 6:30 am before the sun is even awake? WHY do I have to wait for 1/2 an hour to get ONTO Jawazat circle to take 5th Ring Road in the morning because the SAME traffic cop is sadistic and making people merge into 1 lane? I have noticed that if ANYONE in your traffic group honks their horn, he punishes us all. This is wrong on so many levels. This morning, I was mouthing to him that he has traffic backed up all the way from the circle to Sanaa; I think I got myself an in-direct ticket. And WHY are mothers in mini-vans always so pushy - on any continent? Having all those kids (ergo the mini van) should teach them patience!

I was scared into never having children by a woman in a supermarket parking lot in the States. She looked got out of a beat-up mini-van, toting a toddler and with 4 other kids behind her. She wistfully looked at my sports car and said, "You know... I used to have one just like that.... before." What a form of birth control that has been! EEEEK.

Mediagirl, I took your advice and was nicer to Barbecue Boy. He really does have a kind heart and was clueless as to the err of his ways. I have sufficiently edu-ma-cated him.

I cooked Bunny a hamburger (Hungry Bunny - har harr) last night and he acted as if I created a 5-course gourmet meal. I don't think that he knew that hamburgers don't just come from boxes or McDonalds'. This seemed to be a revelation. The look on his face was priceless. He lives on machboos.

I'm only cooking lately because the mood has struck. Otherwise, I am a take-out consumer. I'm sure the cooking mood will go away soon. Therefore, I am cooking as fast as I can and freezing everything; Like a squirel storing nuts.

My life is FULL of excitement!

Rain Gives Me An Excuse To Be Late for Work

I just hit the snooze 5 times this morning. I have no excuse. Who invented snooze? I am 99.9% sure it was a man.

This shall be a "what I ate for dinner last night" entry. (Aren't they all?)

First, I am still eating leftover barbecue meat. I have frozen most of it, but I have something like half a cow left. Even my dog is turning her nose up at it now (she's so spoiled - I don't know where she gets it! tee hee). I was jonesin for a sheel-ow-meshi sendweech last night, but alas - just too damn lazy to get off of the sofa.

It is raining camels and goats (Kuwait equivalent to "cats and dogs" - ha). Why do the Morons put on their emergency flashers when it rains in Kuwait? It's raining! We're ALL in it. We ALL know that it is raining. I can SEE your car. It makes me want to smack someone. Even with the rain, and the flashers, and the morons... the Real Morons are still the ones flying up the emergency lane at - yes - 100 mph. So, not only do we get pebbles on the windshield, we get mud. Which leads me to another question... why do Still More Morons put their windows all the way down when it rains? I have noted that most of those particular types drive 20-year-old Nissans with 4 doors and bad paint jobs. One might think that they have the windows all the way down, so that their 20-year-old windows don't fog; yet why don't they open the passenger-side window (where no one is sitting) or perhaps crack the rear windows? Just wondering because I saw one of those morons get splashed by a Real Moron driving in the emergency lane (without flashers, I might add).

I think I am out of the Holiday Funk now, but I have surfaced to Boredom stage again.

This site provides information on how much aid each country is providing towards the tsunami disaster: I was all upset this morning because I heard yesterday that Kuwait had only donated $2 million, but according to this site, the figure is $10 million. I feel better.

About the term, "fuckwit": I don't like vulgar language on the internet. I feel that "fuckwit" isn't really an obscene phrase because it is linked to another, ordinary word. Feel free to comment on this if you really must. My apologies to old ladies and virgins. (Oh my God - this is so funny! I just ran spell check and it asked if I wanted to replace "fuckwit" with "buckwheat". I haven't thought about Buckwheat for years! "Oooooooh tay, Buckwheat!")

I have run out of Dunkin Donuts coffee and now Costa Coffee is out of stock all over the country. WHAT is WRONG? I guess I could just walk around the corner from my home and buy some fresh-ground Arabic coffee - duuuuuuuuuh.

How could so many of my synapses have died while I've been living in Kuwait? Do you think it is because of that icky brown/grey cloud of pollution that comes out of the smoke stacks from somewhere around Doha that can be seen all over Kuwait? What IS that icky brown/grey cloud of pollution? Does anyone know? Why is it allowed to come out of those smoke stacks? Doesn't anyone care? Is that what is killing my synapses? If Kuwait had an American Indian actor on TV in an anti-pollution commercial, he would be crying every day! Actually, he would be on a hillside, crying and choking with lots of dead synapses. Does anyone else remember that commercials from the '70's?

Idea: Why doesn't anyone here in Kuwait do a similar commercial with a Bedouin guy standing in the desert, crying? Maybe they could place him on a hillside, overlooking a highway, on a rainy day, with morons with their flashers on and windows all the way down, driving 100 mph up the emergency lane. Oh, but then you couldn't get a good look at that icky brown/grey cloud of pollution.

Whatever coffee I had this morning (ground coffee from a can) has fired up my last 3 remaining synapses.

Sunday, January 09, 2005

The WRONG Stuff

Guess what? Barbecue boy actually went out and bought me all the stuff he thought I was lacking in my world: Barbecue skewers for kebabs [(the flat kind) I don't even like kebabs]; more regular skewers for meat; a basket-type grilling thing (can use that for my veggie friend's food); and a teapot and the right kind of tea (I don't like tea unless it is iced with a twist of lemon). For those of you who don't know me very well, I am polite... to a point. He MADE me go all postal on him. I let him know how I felt about my kitchen invasion and how presumptuous I thought he was, etc. etc. He stops me and starts actually talking OVER me and wouldn't let me get a word in, so I had to say, 'Bye bye bye bye bye bye', and then hang up the phone and switch it off.

Then, I felt like an ungrateful mean person. The guilt set in. Maybe he was just trying to be a nice person. Maybe he was just getting me gifts to be nice (not presumptuous/arrogant/annoying). Ok, so I didn't go so far as to call him - I just sent him an SMS. That is an easy out, isn't it?

I think he's in puppy love. So typical: "love" first, ask questions later. ARGH.

I'm so bored. I'm so bored. I'm so bored. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Know-It-Alls are a Pain in the Derriere

So, I met a new guy recently. Good job. Good sense of humor. Relatively good looking. He is already grating on my nerves like fingernails on a chalk board. This weekend, we went out to lunch. Every subject I brought up - he knew about; and of course, knew better than me. I finally said, "Is there ANYTHING you don't know?" His response, "Oh, you think that too? All my friends say that. It is because (I can NOT believe he was serious here) I am so well educated and I have travelled extensively around the world." Blah blah blah blah.... I had to giggle. I'm like, "I didn't mean it as a compliment." He's relatively nice. And single. And we go to nice restaurants. Why can't I just like him? (read on)

After lunch, we went to pick up my car from the mechanic. Know it all dude literally stood between the mechanic and I and talked about MY car. That is MY car that I am paying to have fixed. That is MY car that I understand better than anyone. Why do stupid men think that women know nothing about cars? I took auto mechanics for several years and used to work on my own cars in the States. But nooooooooo - he wouldn't let the mechanic talk to me. He just went on and on in Arabic and poor mechanic dude was embarrassed because he knows me well enough to see when I am totally pissed off. Growl!

After all the above, I still invited him (me invite him) to my place for a balcony barbecue with my buddies, so they could give me their comments. HE brought 5 kilos of various meats (one of my friends is a vegetarian), charcoal, bread, appetizers, and even asked me what kind of grill I have in order to ensure that I have the right kind! My utensils weren't the right kind, the skewers weren't the right kind, the lighter fluid wasn't the right kind. My friends decided that the guy was not the right kind: "Oh my God - he is so not your type." Oh, and you know what he said about my dog (my baby, my companion, my family...), "Sometimes you have to take the thorns to have the roses." Since when has she been a thorn????? AT least he brought her a gift. No, I didn't get anything but a lot of meat. Write to me, I'll send you some! Oh, oh, oh - and you want to know the funny part - he never asked me what kind of food I wanted to barbecue! I already bought some sausage links and hamburger meat and appetizers. That's all I wanted.

Furthermore, if I invite a guy to dinner at my home, I like to do the cooking. I don't want someone I hardly know invading my kitchen unless specifically noted prior to the appointed time. That way, I can clean so he doesn't find out what a piggie girl I am.

Bunny stopped by on Thursday to watch a movie (Ladder 49) with me, which was nice. (He knows I am a dirty girl and he doesn't care - likes me just the way I am.) He also re-checked my Discovery (he's allowed). He knows a lot about cars - especially mine. Poor thing - He's sick again. He's had more flu's this year than I can count. That's because he's too macho to go to a good doctor, "devils in white coats." Why can't I just be with this guy; after all he is my very best friend and I'm more comfortable with him than anyone else except maybe my mother or my sister? Oh, too many reasons. He chased off a young guy who followed me home from Sultan Center on Wednesday (I really was sick - I was there to buy soup). Young Dishtasha Dude pulled up behind my car and started his dialog and out of nowhere came the Bunnymobile, tires squeeling around the corner; and chased off the bad guy! I pretended it was no big deal, but secretly - I was lovin' it. Oh, the chivalry of it.

Ladder 49. I don't want to watch firemen movies anymore. Too depressing. I just can't do it anymore. First Backdraft and now this one.

Why did stupid Showtime just air "A Christmas Carol" 3-4 days ago? They are so stupid. And why is it that if there is a movie where someone flips into a language other than English, that they only put the subtitles in Arabic instead of English - and then you get lost and don't have a clue what the hell is going on? And why is Showtime getting to be lame like Orbit? Does yours cut on/off the way mine does? Why do I need to send them an SMS in Dubai when I get an E16 Service Scrambled message? Why don't they just fix the damn problem?

Kuwait TV: I love the Kuwaiti soap operas. They are so similar to the Mexican soap operas I used to watch with my friends from Panama in DC (they translated to me). Why can't KTV put English subtitles on the Kuwaiti soaps? They are so cool - especially around Ramadan time. And really, if you think about it - they would teach all of us foreigners living in the country something about Kuwaiti day-to-day life (like drugs, alcohol, and sexual misconduct).

I had a great manicure/pedicure over the weekend (yes, I am a busygirl) at Solitaire in Jabriya. Ester even fixed my ingrown toenails (ouchies) without any pain. The only problem was that they don't have a proper manicure/pedicure chair and I can't begin to tell you how painful it was to sit on that stool-thing for 2 hours. Sheeeeeeet - I can't even do anything FUN for 2 hours! I heard Strands in Fanar has a really great man/ped massage chair. I'm going there next. I LOVE those chairs. Sometimes I go to Nemocolin Woodlands Spa and Resort in Pennsylvania with my sister; and at $400+ a night (and about $120 for a man/ped), that place doesn't even have decent massage chairs. Michelle (owner of Strands and Very Cool Person), you rock, girl!

I've had a totally boring day at work. Maybe there will be some cute men to flirt with on my drive home. Very doubtful, but one can hope.

Until tomorrow (or until the mood hits me)....

Monday, January 03, 2005

Perky, Perky, Perky

Where the HELL are my paxil pills??? I am having a paxil moment: I shall name the moment, "The Past Year in Kuwait".

I have trashed my Discovery to the point of actually having to take it to a mechanic/medic to get new shocks. That's pretty bad, because I was under the distinct impression that it was Indestructable (yes, even though it is Briddish!) I think I either ruined the shocks last year on a HUGE hill in the desert (trying to crack my friends head open on the roof as she was sitting on the back seat) or by driving down the emergency lane after a masked bee-atch slammed on her brakes HARD for the last time and then sped up as I tried to make it around her. The emergency lane is for emergencies people. Let's keep it that way. It was an emergency. I would have killed her if I hadn't done it.

I have fantasies about throwing little metal jacks out the window onto the emergency lane as I see people coming up at 100 mph in my side-view mirror. I wonder if little metal jacks will shred tires. hmmmmm. I am SURE they are the same people who have put all those little chips in my windshield. ...and it is almost time for Stupid Car Registration Renewal Time. Wonder how many tickets I have this year. Bummer.

So anyhooo, I drove my sports car to work today. A Mental Midget (there are so many) headed towards Jahra (need I say more) in a Lumina cut in front of me with about 2 inches to spare to prove that he has a penis. I don't CARE if they have penises (pl: penai?). I am just driving down the frickin road. They get all bent out of shape when they see a female in a sports car - as if it is a challenge to their manhood. GET OVER IT! And guys... "it's not the car, it's the driver" is BS!

I went to find that great sandwich place last night. The sandwich is called a Sheel ow Meshi (don't ask why) and it is from a restaurant with an Arabic sign (no read Arabic) in green and pink with a Lebanese cedar tree on it behind Platinum.

It is so sad that my world revolves around food. I wonder what Dr. Phil would say about that. The One has a kick-ass pumpkin cheesecake. I'm almost to the point where I am sick of it now. I am 95% sick of all forms of hot chocolate (got onto a comfort food kick before Christmas). I bought many forms and decided to taste test and OD'ed. Fauchon is the best. New Year's RESOLUTION #2!!! At least I'm not going to McDonalds anymore. That was so bad.

Dickhead HR Dude was overheard making the comment, "I don't know what she does on her fat ass all day." I'll tell you - think of ways that the universe might make a house drop on him - that's what.


Happy New Year

I honestly am trying to have a new, 2005 attitude. I'm going to be perky. I'm going to try not to piss off the wrong people and if I ab-so-lutely must - I will try to kiss the appropriate butts (without compromising too many of my principles). Dickhead HR Dude isn't included in all the above; I must continue to fight evil for those less fortunate than I. Call it my mission.

What did I do for New Years you ask? Of course - spent it in a tent with about 100 other people in various drunken stages. My friend invited me to go with him to a chalet party. When we got there - there was security at the gate. My friends' name wasn't on THE LIST, and his friend (who had begged him to go) wasn't answering his phone. Someone finally came out (right past midnight) and told us that some son-of-a-sheikh had brought too many people and there was no room. Geez! My friend was so embarrassed in front of me. I'm not even Kuwaiti and I'm like, "That person isn't your friend. He can't be Kuwaiti because that is soooooo ayeb; especially on New Years! Where is the hospitality?" So, we turned the car around and went with the other 6 friends who had also been stopped at the gate to a tent party that turned out to be awesome. Everything happens for a reason. I had my good friend, Mr. Jose, with me, so I was going to have a good time wherever I went. Happy happy happy.

I discovered a new place that serves AWESOME shawarmas in barbecue sauce. I don't know the name of the place, but directions (take a right before Platinum Gym off Shaar al Mataaem, go to the end of the street, take a right and the restaurant is on the left). Of course, # 2 New Years Resolution is: Loose weight.

#1 New Years Resolution: Spend more time with people I LIKE.

I haven't even been over to see my friend, Christine's, baby.
My friend, Mona, is going to disown me if I don't go to see her and her family.
Likewise Fatima.
Likewise Asmahan.
Likewise quite a few more people.
I don't even get around to calling people anymore.
I am pathetic. Really, this year will be different.

Part-time boyfriend/friend brought me flowers and a card with bunnies on it. He calls me bunny. I call him bunny. Ergo the bunnies. Pink roses I got. :) Then, we went out to eat sushi, which is always a sure-fire way to make me feel better.

I told my mom to stop sending me stuff from Tiffanys because they are too expensive. I am going to send her back the box so she can buy cheap stuff. The box is the real issue with me - I love seeing that little blue box. What's in it isn't such a big deal. Now, men buying me stuff from Tiffanys is something COM-PLETE-LY different.

I watched "Sabrina" again last night (for like the millionth time). I've also seen "Love Actually" recently. I always cry at the end (oh, shut up!!!!). I went to the Virgin store and asked for the soundtrack. Sales Dude says, "Now, what were you looking for again?" I said (with a completely devilish look), "Love, actually." He was too cute and way too young.

Which brings me to my next paragraph (you're not going to believe this sh....)

I was chatting with my Romanian girlfriend the other day. She's here in Kuwait, married to a Lebanese maniac (another story). She had to go away from the PC for a little while, but left her MSN on. Then, her 15-year old son gets on and sends me THE dirtiest chats I have seen in a looooooong time - and get this - says, "please? I have money...." The LITTLE FREAK!!! This upsets me on so many levels:
  1. I am now questioning if perhaps my friend and her family must be really hailag
  2. What would make a 15 year old boy think that any woman (including their mothers friends) are prostitutes?
  3. Why does a 15 year old boy know all that nasty stuff to begin with? EEEEEWWWW
I saved all his chats and sent them to his mother.