Monday, September 23, 2013

Um-A and other women I admire (and Dunkin-Donuts-Induced hachi el fathi)

I talked to Cleans step-mom, Um-A,  last night.  She made me feel better - as always.  I wanted to apologize to her for being so nervous at Friday Family Lunch (that's right, haters, I have lunch every Friday afternoon with my ARAB x-boyfriend's ENTIRE BEDOUIN FAMILY in a BEDOUIN/conservative area) after I saw Mr. Clean.

Um-A is  is very sweet, very welcoming, very soft-spoken.  Tells me that she loves me often.  Tells me that Clean loves me often (some things are easier to believe than others given the circumstances). She also makes excellent lunches.  Abu-A always sits next to me and piles more and more food on my plate and they always send me home with to-go packages (which I end up eating for lunch and dinner for the next few days to follow).

I wish I could be more like Um-A; forgiving, kind, never-says-a-harsh-word kind of woman. She has a very calming affect on me.  I know several more of those type of women who I should pay more attention to as role models.  Instead, I'm me; going Pompeii when confronted.

My mom prays for me.  Um A prays for me.  Why can't I just be better and being forgiving and kind to others?  Why can't I just "turn the other cheek" or the equivalent?  Why do I have all this pent-up rage (ok, that could just be LackO'Nookie)?

I think it is easy to get frustrated; or at least place blame on frustration.  I use "Kuwait" or "this part of the world" as an excuse, but truth be told, I was equally as nervous living in the outskirts of DC, worrying about how I was going to juggle my bills every month, fighting traffic and road rage (with people who are actually LEGALLY allowed to carry concealed weaponry) and dealing with people who looked down on my for my lack of higher education (even though they received their degrees from Podunk U in Bumfuck, Midwest). Now I've got a good job (where people listen to what I have to say based on merit, not what's hanging on my wall), a beautiful home, and much less worry about bills and armed road rage (for as much as I poke fun at Abdulfettah; things have seemed to have calmed down on the roads a lot since his Reign of Terror).

Ok, enough about that.  I gots to go call my sisters and some girlfriends tonight.

Ok, I am definitely NOT Mother Teresa....


American Girl said...

Ummmm, you ARE a good, kind, caring, loving, compassionate, empathetic woman and don't EVER think you're not!

You wrote this as if you go nuts on someone every single day and send nasty messages or say hateful things. You DON'T!

You are human, sweetie. And when someone toys with your emotions, makes you feel loved, leads you to believe one thing and their actions show another, you're going to HURT. And anger is hurt turned outward. So as nasty as your messages might have been, his behavior trumped that. Expressing that you feel betrayed isn't a bad thing. Allowing someone to think it's perfectly OK to walk all over you like a throw rug IS a problem.

Desert Girl said...

Thanks, AG. You are always so kind and supportive and I really appreciate you getting my back/being there for me. Everybody has a whiney-ass friend like me: the kind that you have to listen to her never-ending parade of dramas. You do it SO WELL! And your responses are always on target and on time.

I do feel betrayed. And now that I let it out - I'm really letting him have it. I'm remembering things he said and sending messages. Like yesterday when I was sitting in the waiting room of the International Clinic and I remembered something and it suddenly occurred to me that it was a blatant lie. So the SMS started, "Do you remember a month after I met you when..... YOU LIED." (That was a kind one.)

You're right. I don't go nuts every day. I actually rarely go nuts unless tremendously provoked. I think I've got a little bit of PTSD going on. This is just my way of dealing.

Chirp said...

I agree with American Girl, you are human and its only natural to sometimes have the need to express your hurt, especially when someone you trusted decided to mess with you.

Forgiving and forgetting sounds really good but sometimes exploding, screaming, sending mean text messages are the only way for someone to get over the hurt.

Why should you have to turn the other cheek if you are hurt? Why can't you be able to vent your frustrations?? Do what makes you happy.

Maybe you need a vacation? Go somewhere like zighy bay far away from all the annoyingness of the world.

Also, I read somewhere that Mother Theresa wasn't as saintly as everyone made her seem, I think it was an article on the Huffington Post a while ago.

Expat and the City said...

You go to Friday lunch every week? Okay, you need to stop making the rest of us look bad. ;)

Mr. Clean's family sounds wonderful. Since he turned out to be such a jerk (his loss) is there someone else in the family that could be a possible love interest? You never know...God might have put Mr. Clean into your life to introduce you to the right man. As always, I wish you the best because you deserve it. <3