Sunday, May 01, 2011

Welcome Back to The Weekend Variety Show, Starring Me, Me, Me

Disclaimer I:  This is about as good as it gets, so if you think it is pathetic or just too boring, you can turn away now. If you choose to comment that it is pathetic or boring, I will say to you: 'backatcha for being pathetic enough to leave a comment on how pathetic is is.' 

Although not really a weekend activity, it was Stella's big birthday this week, so we took her out to Muhallab and I think (hope) she had a good time.  She's always the life of the party and we have lots of laughs.  I didn't have time to find an appropriate birthday hat for her, otherwise I would have made her wear it (not that I could "make" her do anything) and it would have been embarrassing, yet fun (yes, Slaps, just like you made me do!).  I love Muhallab (brief review HERE).  They are also one of the only places in Kuwait where you can order sheem (yummy kind of Kuwaiti local fish.  Noidear what the name is in Engleezi. I'll have to look it up in my Kuwaiti fishes book.)  Muhallab does great birthday cakes too and we got Stella a fruity cake (well, girl, if the cake fits...) 

The Paragraph of Shame:  Stella's children (you know who you are and I assume she does too) didn't call by the time we finished dinner at 10:30pm.  That means all day. Poor thang.  I felt bad for her.  If it was my mom's landmark big birthday... yo!  Shame on you, Children of Stella!  So wrong.

Here's one for ya: (they also deliver balloons and card).  Teleflora delivers to Kuwait... so does FTD through their partner network. will deliver cakes in Kuwait, so does the Crowne Plaza Hotel network  - and that goes for the rest of you people in Overseas Land who want to do something nice for your mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, aunts in Kuwait.  Do the RIGHT THING.  - End of Sermon -

One more birthday party in April....  S The German had his birthday pool party on Thursday night.  I was kinda tired, but got there anyhoo with The Romanian. Butterfly and Spanx both looked bagorgeous as usual. S's wife, D, looked like a movie star.  She must think I'm a freak because whenever I see her, I just stare (she is just so pretty).  Sat around, ate lots of good food, dissed the E (sorry, I just can't do it.  Never will. E:  Livin the Secret Life of Foreigners In Kuwait. Plus I am still taking antibiotics to recover from last week's overdoing it by not getting enough sleep - aka "partying"), and went home happy.  Spanx cooked.  (How do  you do it?  I don't get it....), salad, cupcakes, cake balls... always different varieties (my favorite is red velvet - yummm).

Stealth came over late (I am loving that he lives in my neighborhood - a "round the way guy") and what was once a one-off is turning into a nice routine; talking all night until the sun comes up.  Believe it or not, he does most of the talking. Thanks dude -  you make me laugh and Desert Dawg is quite content. 

When Stealth says, "Oh my God" he sounds just like Shamlan used to and I'm flashed back to another time and place (so I try to get Stealth to say "Oh my God" as frequently as possible!)  Stealth definately has one of the sexiest voices I've ever heard.  No one's voice will ever compare to Shamlan's, bien sur, and his laugh was unique (I still hear it after all these years).  But, Stealth's sexy voice makes it really easy to listen to him for hours and hours; 'Just talk, baby, just talk...'    The next sexiest voice in my contest-world was held by Bu Merdas.  He has such a deep voice; almost of the Barry White variety.  Sigh.  High-pitched, girlie voices just don't do it for me; and anything nasal is an immediate turn-off (Ick!  Be gone, cockaroach!).  I would say that high-pitched male voices are on par with a limpy, weak male handshake. 

Handshakes (good ones):  There is a particular sheikh I know (you know who you are and I know that you know who I am) who has all the ladies spellbound by his 2-handed handshake (when someone places their palm over the top of your hand when they are shaking it.  It is usually accompanied by direct eye contact - mesmorizing....).  Everybody who is on the receiving end of this 2-handed handshake believes that SHE is important to him.  I know it is all a marketing/PR ploy; however, it really does the trick.  You kind of leave his office sighing, "Oh, I'm special." when in reality... it's just a handshake and you should get over yourself.  I have conferred with several other people I know (a random sampling of 5 of both genders)  in reference to this sheikh and his magical shakes ("Sheikh Shakes" ha ha).  It seems to be only bestowed on females and all are equally captivated.  Tee hee.  Plus dude, you have really soft hands. 

(I'm crackin myself up again!)

I read Sheikh Dude's palms several times on occassions when we talked and that is entirely another story for another time and place.  I read Stealth's this weekend and he went white.  Tee hee.  Love it!  It's all like reading a map. I think sometimes that people think that I am stupid because I stare at them blankly when they are talking to me ("dumb" blonde thang - deer in the headlights look), but I am reading.... palms, body language, yada...

Slapperella had a Royal Wedding Party at her place.  The Romanian and I were busy making hats (from plastic margarita glasses) because we couldn't find any that weren't beach hats.  Finally, 30 minutes before the party was about to begin, we went to Nooran (who would have thought) and found what we were looking for; both had feathers, the Romanian's had a veil.   They were so cute that we decided to wear them in the car and wave, royal style, at everybody who stared at us.  One guy was laughing really hard (WITH us not AT us), then rolled his window down and invited us to dinner.  (He's CUTE, y'anee shinu mishkilla/ what's the problem?)

A word on Nooran:  there are only a very few shops down one side of the road in souq salmiya across from BHS.  Soud Shahood Mutairi (where has dude gone?  He was all we were hearing about for months whileback.  And dude - where is your friend, K, with the white Bentley?)  supposedly bought the strip and was going to turn it into something (2008-ish? before the financial crisis) and it is just sitting there looking like a war zone. It is pretty sad.  I love the old Kuwait and it is all being torn down for the sake of "progress" (in other words:  erecting more poorly-constructed, never-maintained buildings that will be torn down in the sake of "progress" in 15 years).  Anyhoooooo... Nooran is still there, smack dab in the middle (sign in Salmiya is in Arabic I think, but you can tell by the accessories in the window).  There are other locations - in Souq Sharq for example.  Nooran is probably (and correct me if I'm wrong) one of the oldest Kuwaiti-owned accessory shops in the country.  They sell pretty hejabs (scarfs), pins, costume jewelry, etc. and are my destination of choice for The Tiaras (not that I buy them all the time, but sometimes for gag gifts, yada.  I also of the firm belief that every princess, real or innerly-perceived, should own one.).  If you are looking for very pretty, not-terribly-expensive scarves - silk and otherwise (for gifts or for yourself), go check out Nooran.  (You can also often find cool scarves where ever they sell hejabs around Kuwait for a few dinars.)  (Disclaimer II:  Said with respect because I believe all religions are to be respected):  Word to the evil:  They blast the Quran.  I have a hard time staying there very long because my evil genies are disturbed by the audio...  I would have a hard time shopping in a store where they blast Christian music or chanting either.  There is a time and a place for it and I just don't think the religious aspect should enter into a shopping experience [especially if you are like me with a guilty conscience and immediately think that I should NOT be shopping, but giving to the poor (you bad, bad capitalist!); em... which kind of detracts from the whole purpose of being in the shop in the first place, n'est pas?].  I'm just say-in'....

Back to my story...

The party was really cool.  We were all supposed to show up in going-to-a-wedding attire.  Butterfly's outfit was by far the best; quite regal. Slaps wore a blonde wig (she's brunette) and a short dress (dayam girl!  You got some LEGS!)  Spanx wore a teal dress with matching earrings.  I don't know how Spanx does it - she's pregnant out-to-here and manages to bake for days and days before any kind of an event and it is all amazing.  She had never made scones before and they were great.  She also made little finger sammiches (sans crust) and mini cupcakes.  Dude!  You rock.  We love you.  Special K, I don't know why you weren't your normal, perky self, but I will get to the bottom of that.  Slaps made tea and showed us the appropriate way to hold the cup, pinkie placement, etc.  Personally, I think she made it up and it was all bullshyt (that's Briddish), but that's just me. 

I LOVE that Kate Middleton Whatshernamenow? did her own make-up for the wedding.  (Yes, she did too, Slaps.)  See, she's someone I can see eye-to-eye with.  Wasn't she beautiful?  I cried - because it was on TV and that is like the only time I cry anymore (Mashallah, Mashallah, Mashallah) after seeing something like a dogfood commercial or a wedding.  It was so beautiful.  Everything was so perfect.  Ya know - I have decided that I want a fly-over for my wedding.  Nothing like a C130 or anything, but just a couple of fighter jets would be dignified.  (If I'm lucky, I'll get one or 2 remote-control aircraft....)

I called Adool on the way home (same neighborhood as Slaps) and had an entire 1-sided-funny (I thought) conversation with him.... before I realized I had the wrong number.  Ooops, my bad.Oh well.  I'm sure I'll get a late-night call back from that one.  He sounded real happy to hear from me, whoeverhewas.

So... back home in time for a nap and no further plans.  The Romanian was tired, so she went home.  I was left to my own evil devices ONCE AGAIN.  So... Stealth and his friend came over - no idea what time and it all started over again. We were afraid friend-dude's wife was going to be mad (he left at like 3ish) and that we'd find him sleeping in his car the next day...   Next time - it's on the boat, so you have a good alibi.

....Cut to the next morning when Pinkies shows up for my massage and mani/pedi.   They really really really rock.  Thanks, K!  Your new masseuse is awesome.  Peoples:  You've got to call them!  I was barely awake (still in my PJs) and was being pampered (which was my plan for the day).  Then, I had appointments for The Romanian and I at Spa Aquatonic for facials.

Note to self:  Find a man who will pamper you to this level.  Further note to self:  Make sure the pampering man isn't gay.  For your information:  you know a guy who is going to pamper a girl isn't going to be married because the bastards have been married for so long that THEY want to be the ones getting pampered (because their wife has given up on that shit loooooonng ago) and dude will never have time or energy to pamper YOU.  I had a guy who took me to be pampered ONCE and I thought/ASSumed he was gay because he wore capris and drove a Cabriolet, but he later got married (he could still be gay - dunno).

I don't know what is going on with the customer service at that spa (Aquatonic), but it is going downhill but fast.  They asked us to wait - and we ended up sitting there for a long time with no attention as staff walked by with their heads down (no eye contact).  I finally went up to the reception desk and stood there for an uncomfortably long time, with 5 people behind the desk (all looking down to avoid... scary customers...)  before asking oh-so-polished-shiny-shoe-Lebanese-dude, 'Excuse me, do you work here?'  "Yes, yes, I know.... we are trying to find 'them'."  WTF is "them"?  We got in finally and had great facial treatments.  I was snoring like a mofo (I know, right?  not very lady-like.  Je ne care pas. I snore and I'm not ashamed - some call it "purring").  Payment at the reception desk was no treat either.  They act like you are doing them a great favor by being there.  I would get all huffy and say that I will never grace their doorstep again, but they probably know (as I do) that they are the best place in town and that I'm not going anywhere.  I can still complain, right?  SPA AQUATONIC:  YOUR SERVICE SUCKS!

So, we barely were able to keep our eyes open for sushi (managed to anyways).  There was a lady at a table next to us (from Egypt, I think) who had 4 rambunctious young boy children with her, ordering food with a coupon. (Dude, I love my coupons that I get with my Priviledge Club membership!  They rock and sometimes I give them as gifts too - which is probably how she got hers.)  She was trying to determine how much food they could get for the coupon value and was having a hard time (when it comes down to it, 20kd doesn't get you a lot of food in Sakura, really).  Her son asked how much a large bottle of water cost....   (You should NOT be shopping, DG!!!) We left some cash for them so that her kids could have desert.  Just makes you stop and think.... 

I went to sleep early;  Not that I could have gone out anyways with the crap weather.  Who gets humidity, heavy dust, and then thunder, lightening, and heavy rain?  It is like some surreal set from a science fiction movie around here.  Freaky.  I can't believe that it is now May and we are still getting rain.  Unheardof!  What up, Kuwait?

1 comment:

Jewaira said...

Entertaining ;)