Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Leaving Tomorrow Night

I hate travelling.  As much as I travel, you would think that I love it, but I don't.  I hate the whole airport/airline experience.  Once I get somewhere (like home) I am usually ok. I travel alone a lot and I don't like that at all.  Some people are good at it, but not me.  In Kuwait, I HATE  how, as you line up to go through security and customs,  people invade your personal space.  BACK OFF!  There is no reason you have to attach yourself to my back side... we will all get through the line.  I can feel you breathing... EW.   One time (THE one and only time) I flew on Kuwait scAirways and dude behind me had his stinky bare feet propped up on my arm rest all the way.  I kept pokin him with stuff, but I think either A) he liked it or 2) he was used to it people poking him with stuff.

So I'm back on another plane tomorrow night, racking up the air miles: United - the Contractor Express.  I hope I'll sleep this time and that there isn't some fat guy sitting next to me, invading my seated personal space (I can dream, right?).  I snore like a mofo and I just don't give a damn. United probably has me profiled somehow and is putting me next to passengers who won't easily be frightened by the noises I emit.   Other passengers won't even make eye contact with me when we are disembarking - I'm THAT scary - and I don't care.  I don't know if I start talking in tongues or what.

Oh snap - I saw "Snakes on a Plane" the other night and it scared the bejezus out of me.  Who THOUGHT to write that kind of movie?  What kind of deviant?!  Ya know that's all I'm going to be thinking about (snoring like a mofo). 

The Romanian is leaving 2 days after me and she might not be back until Christmas. WTF!!!  What am I s'posed to dooooo?   She's like (the young) Zsa Zsa Gabor, summering in Italy.  Slapperella will be back and forth for her job; she's got some cool places to go this year like Russia and Turkey (biotch).  I'm telling her stories about how she might be sold into white slavery (oh wait, maybe that was a discussion I had to scare my friend's daughter - never mind).  Anyways Slapps, they won't get as much for damaged goods so you don't have to worry!  I can see it, "Aye!  So now whet's yer fekkin plan? Right.  So, yer ginna haf to do be'er than that, lads."  ... and then they'll toss her back.  Tee hee.  "Ta!  Now where ere me shooooooes?"

And speaking of "doin be'er than that...."  I'm feeling kind of blue. Persons who should have stopped by to say goodbye or just to spend a little time with me before I go, haven't (you know who you are - and THANKS).  It was a disappointment, but alas not a surprise.  A wise friend has repeatedly told me to lower my expectations so that if something happens, you will be pleasantly surprised.  If not, no loss.  Well.... my expectations have been staring up at me, waving hello from the big-hole-to-China they've been dug into for a while now.  They couldn't get much lower. (Bring me a fortune cookie and an order of kung pao shrimp on your way back.)

P.F. Changs:  Too salty or just right?  What do you think of their service? I've notice it has registered on the "you're starting to piss me off" scale lately.

I watched "He's Just Not Into You" last night which was kind of a stupid, but apres peau to the paragraph which refers to feeling blue.  If a man really cares about you, he'll be with you. 

I'm going out with the crazy girls tonight for sushi and that will be fun.  I know I am guaranteed good laughs.  I hope it isn't all polite conversation.  That would just be a waste of my time. If someone doesn't say "BJ" (full term), then I will.  I swear.  Don't even get me started...  and NO, Ms. LOL, I will not sugar coat it.   BJ BJ BJ....

Completely new subject of conversation that is not related whatsoever to the previous paragraph....

So I have a few days in DC - where I hope to meet up with a man I haven't seen since 1991.  He's only going to be there for a few days and we said we might get together, so I hope that happens.  I've seen his photo - still damn good looking.

I'll be on the Outer Banks with the fam for the first week in August.  My mom is coming this time and I really look forward to it.  I know she is going to love it.  She loves the sea and it has been so hot in Washington - I hope that the weather will be better out there and it won't be humid as it has been in other years.

Everybody I know makes fun of me because I refuse to throw away my banana clips. I love how humidity is no problem with banana clips. I LOVE banana clips. I love how my hair looks in banana clips.    A few years ago, I made the tremendous mistake of asking my sister how I looked one day (what the fuuuuu was I thinking?!) and she said, "You look great... (pause)... but ... wait a minute... is that a BANANA CLIP you're wearing?  Those things went out in like, the 80's.  Where did you GET it?"  ... and then I made the tremendous mistake of repeating the anecdotal little story to Slaperella who has proceeded to buy me banana clips where ever/when ever she can find them (yes, they DO still make them!!!).  Banana clips are making a comeback.  Just like wrap dresses and cork heels.  You scoffed at me for those too, didn't you, biotches?

I might meet up with a few girlfriends from Kentucky (who don't make fun of my 80's fashion sense, by the way!). One of them is a grandmother (I HATE that I have friends who are grandmothers!).   Ok, she was a teenaged bride, but still.  The other is a single mom and I don't think she realizes that she's drop-dead gorgeous; she'll be outstanding man-bait.    I'm planning to meet up with other friends I haven't kept in touch with too like my former room mate, Trish, and a former colleage turned friend-for-life, Jaime.  I need to call all the old friends in other states too, but I have a really bad problem of not calling people.

I know it is a huge character flaw, but I don't like getting on the phone.  I don't know why.  People think I'm avoiding them, but I just have this knee-jerk reaction to making calls.  It gets much worse when I get to Virginia.  I get in the house and I become brain-dead.  I jsut want to sit around and stare at my family and catch up.  There are very few people in my world that I actually call.  Isn't that stupid? If you're going to have a phobia, have a good one, not a stupid one.

I have a dilema, people.  I have a stray cat named "Limpy" that has been living on my terrace for the past almost-year.  She is a lovely cat and I have gotten to be friends with her.  She's injured - has been since I first saw her when she was too wild to grab.  Just recently, she has allowed me to pet her.  Her injuries seem to be either from a car accident, or more likely, from being caught in the engine of a car.  One of her pupils doesn't dialate correctly and her leg is torn up so badly that I think it needs to be removed. It is basically one open, festering wound that heals, opens, heals, opens.   I feed her and try to make her comfortable.  I'm very very very allergic to cats.  I can't keep her in the house and every time I pet her (I'm the only human she will allow to get close to her), I have to make sure that I wash my hands really thoroughly.  Ok, so my dilema is this:  Neither of the shelters will take her.  PAWS is loosing their property soon and AFL's shelter (as everybody knows) isn't opened yet.  I am travelling tomorrow, so I can't take her to the vet now, nor be around for her recovery (and I haven't figured out how I would handle that either with allergies).  She shouldn't be euthanized - she's a gentle cat who gets along just fine on 3 legs.  She's also safe out in my garden where big mean cats don't dare to enter.  She probably won't do well with other animals (even other cats) around.   Its a dilema.  I will worry about her during my trip, but my friend who is staying at my place will make sure she's fed and has water.  I will probably have her leg amputated when I get back.  (For 7kd, I could have her put down, but I could never do that in good conscience and I would never sleep again.  Plus, God would get me.)

And yes, I have become the "weird cat lady of the neighborhood".  My neighbors would never guess I'm allergic.   One of the cats (Petunia) walks me to my car every morning. 3 cats wait for me outside the house every day at 5:00 when I get home from work.  If they are scrounging in the trash cans, they stop what they are doing and run to greet me.  Seriously people, isn't that a blessing?   The 3 of them are so close - they are like a little family.  The big brother protects the 2 girls.  How could I possibly kill one of them?  (Now, some of the kids in my neighborhood are a completely different story...)


Q8Sultana said...

Have a safe trip!

I dislike travelling too, although if I must, I prefer it least I can do my own thing..

Bon voyage!

LorD AymZ said...

lol; have a great trip.

it seems ur under appreciated; no flowers on dates, no meetings when ur almost off,,

"i pitty da foo' who dont treat Desertgirl right, i pitty da foo'!"

LWDLIK said...

We'll miss you! You really should see a publisher one of these days and have your mad rantings published- You are hilarious :OD
Will keep you posted on crazy stuff going on here. Have a great holiday. X

Snow said...

Have a great trip!! I love the BJ comment by the would fit it PERFCTLY with my crazy friends :X hahaha

LOL girl said...

BJ BJ BJ... tacky stories are my forte!

Miss ur face already!!! :-(((