Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Connecting the Dots

And now... ladies and gentlemen... for some philisophical bullshit.  (Drumroll.....)

I'm really good at connecting people:  Desert Girl - connecting people.  I do it daily - and most often through this here blog (and a lot more through business, but let's discuss the blog).  Blog PR perhapsee. 

Sometimes I sit back and think about it:

  • A) if I could only make money from it (then I could quit my job and do it 24/7 sitting by the pool and eating bon bons)
  • 2) That it is an ability that is a blessing from God that I never take for granted; and
  • C) what the HELL happens to all those friends I've made when they first came to Kuwait?  Where do you people GO?

People get in touch through e-mails - mostly asking questions - and then we get to be virtual buddies.  Then someone else (in about the same timeframe) will write and I will find commonalities to the last dude/dudette and say, "Oh - you guys work at the same company and you're both new to Kuwait.  Let me introduce you..."  So, I meet dude/dudette #1 and #2 separately and sometimes together and BAYAM they become fast friends friends.

Where do they go after that?  How come I don't hear from them?

(Ok, I do hear from people when they need to source vendors:  Curtain guys, carpenters, furniture stores, carpet stores, and most commonly, realtors.  I should really start getting commissions for this stuff, but it all comes back in the end and seriously - I'm very happy to recommend good people if it will help.)

I see y'alls on Facebook.  That's right.  I do.  Let the guilt begin.  You get together for barbecues or parties and do things together.  And it makes me happy; seeing my friends/acquaintances have more friends is a good thing (likesay, a blessing).  And yet, in all the time that I've been making connections (and this goes back for years now - been here for 14), I can probably count on my hand (ok maybe 2 hands and maybe 1 more other other hand) the amount of times that I've been invited to things by people I've connected after they've settled in.  Some of them have been to my home.  Some of them I've invited or chaperoned around or bought small gifts for.  Wow - wait a minute, I am trying to remember anyone who has invited me to their home once they've settled in... could that be right?  I don't think I have.  Interesting.  Why is that?

Is it because I smell bad?  Is it because I'm weird?  Ugly?  Vulgar (ok maybe - give you that one)?  Brash (ditto the comment)?  Husband-stealing tramp (anyone who knows me knows that westerner folk is not my flavor)?   Maybe people assume I am too busy (that's true - a lot of times I am)? 

Granted, everybody has their own groups and people that they feel comfortable with.  Me too. I'm not going to lie to you - some of the folks I've met aren't my cup of tea either. ....And I'm not on a self-pity trip or out to beg for invites or on a smear campaign to anyone in particular:  it is more of a general proponderence of the evidence and reflection of years of bloggery (that sounds dirty - giggles).

I guess since I'm reflecting, if the situation was reversed (I always do this - flip it to try to see the other perspective) and I was the newbie, and then the settled newbie, and then the veteran (6+ months in Kuwait), I might do the same.  Would I?  I don't know. I might be more likely to keep in touch, but then I'm a very outgoing (yakky) person.  I do that.  I know other people who might think, "Right then.. on to the next phase of the journey, on to new friends/horizons..."  My personal philosophy is always: "Do something good and throw it in the ocean.  It might/might not come back." 

Did I keep in touch with the people who helped me when I first came to Kuwait, come to think of it?  Yes, I did.  But they were Kuwaiti friends that I have had for years - way before I came here.  They are still my friends (most of them).  I lived with a Kuwaiti family for a month when I first visited.  When I came back 3 years later to take a job, I stayed at a hotel when I first arrived, but they still helped me every step of the way.  I already had a huge support group before I ever hit the ground (blessings).

And of note:  of the many many many Western people I've met who are new to Kuwait and then settled, very few have made Kuwaiti friends and I think that is a pity; there is so much to learn and share - and OMG do; things that Kuwaitis do that Westerners just can't without Kuwaiti friends.  I LOVE that part of my life and what a wasted trip this all would have been if I hadn't had them.  My life would have been AWFUL here without the help, support, and friendship of my Kuwaiti friends, so props to my K peeps!

Hmmmm... All very fassssscinating.  (What the HELL was in my coffee this morning/sushi last night?!)

Disclaimer:  Butterfly and LOL none of the above applies to you.  Kisses.


Anonymous said...

We seem to be related. Years ago I was going to pot luck parties every week or so and I had a few very lonely frieds I would take along. Then I stopped getting invited and the other friends became very close with pot luck friends ended up working together etc. A few years ago I used to invite other friends over and NEVER EVER got invited back. Now I just keep to myself. gail

Anonymous said...

Kuwait is a tough place to hang out in as a Westerner. I take in 4 day doses once a month and I usually arrive back at the airport 6 hours before my flight takes off just in anticipation of chocolate croissants in Paris. Hang in there Desert Girl - love your blog!!
Schlumberger Boy

emma said...

Hmmm what can i say...u re a beautiful soul,u give more than u take...but real friends stay forever no matter what...if u re happy or sad,it s not a cliche,it s a reality! Emma

Anonymous said...

Well I hope everyone realizes what a great role you have played in their lives. You make the prospect of living in Kuwait as a westerner a little less scary.

Baroon said...

Most likely people who dont invite you think that you are too busy or too local !!

Desert Girl said...

Baroon - that's it. I've gone native. LOOOL.

Stani said...

Don't take it too hard. Such is Life !!! Be good to the ones who remain around you :-)