Monday, February 08, 2010

Just Because

Anonymous 12:13, this one is for you. Another article I wrote that was published locally several years ago. Dudes, I don't want to get comments that say, "Oh, so you think you're so great because you are American, right..." No, I do not. It is just my perspective - it is what it is - and I happen to be American (Irish, Finish, French and Iroquois Indian if you must know. My people came from different places like a whole lotta other 'mericans).


What is it about being American that makes people around here think that you have answers? Lately, the questions have been geared towards business: "I have a miraculous new product. You can sell it to the US Army, right?" "Can you go down to Arifjan and talk to the people in the contracting office and get me a contract?" "You can get me alcohol from the US embassy or the base, right? You get an allocation, right?"


When I first came to Kuwait in 1996, I was faced with even stranger questions: "My son is 5 and lost his arm in a car accident. Can you get him a new one? He's in Pakistan." Asked by a coffee boy where I used to work. Another colleague later asked, "My friends cousin is in UCLA hospital. He was born in Kuwait and the doctor thought that something was wrong with his lung, so they removed it at the hospital. He is dying and he needs $300,000. Can you talk to your friends at the Ministry of Health? They said his file was eaten by mice in the 80's."


"Hello Madame. I have a problem. Maybe you can help me?" The visa questions are never-ending and relentless. I frequent a local hotel because I am a sushi addict and love their food. Every time I pull up to the valet parking, a certain Egyptian parker runs out and delves into the same tirade I have been hearing for the past two years (all said in a matter of the 2 minutes it takes me to run from the car to the front door of the hotel and stated with the same look of pathetic puppy). He wants to go visit family and has been rejected at the embassy and wants my help. It is assumed that since I am American, I therefore have been bequeathed with wastah at the US Embassy.

"Oh, so you are single?" God help me if I ever reveal that I am single to visa-seeking men. I haven't reached the point of desperation which would warrant marriage to someone trying to get into the States. For this very reason, I (and many of my single female friends here) wear wedding bands. Let me just say that the response would be better if the pick-up lines these guys use were better.


Questions in the form of assumptions are quite another thing. Just because I'm American doesn't mean I am rich. I'm not willing to pay more for something that my Egyptian friends get for five times less. When in shops, the question of, "Are you American?" should always be responded to with, "No, I'm from Bosnia and my farm was destroyed in the war. I have eight children and today is my birthday."


Here are the answers that I do have (just because I'm American): No, I can't sell your product to the Army without paying my reasonable consulting fee and dedicating quite a bit of time to it. No, I can't just go down to Arifjan and miraculously get a contract (and if I could, I would keep it for myself). No, the US embassy nor the bases give Americans allocations of alcohol (Kuwait is a dry country and so are the bases). Yes, I can probably assist in finding an arm for a 5 year old child through some of the charitable children's organizations (and with proper back-up documentation from the hospital in Pakistan), but hey – so can you through correspondence and research. My friend at the Ministry of Health said that file was indeed eaten by mice, so there really isn't any more I could do there because I'm not a rich American and I don't have an extra $300,000. No, I can't help with visa problems at the embassy because the US doesn't do wastah. And last but not least – I am really not interested in getting married to help "get someone in". What's in it for me?

11 comments:

Elsie said...

Oh, DG, you do make me laugh! I've been in Kuwait about a year (also single American female), and although I definitely don't have the relentless questions like you do (not speaking Arabic...), I do get the sense that everyone thinks we have wastah - uh, hello? It's called transparency - I know, such a concept!
Anyway, longtime reader, first-time commenter - keep up the great work!

D said...

OK, I read this and laughed hysterically this morning. I've had all the same questions, and wanted to say all the same things dozens of times. Once I was at a Hardees drive-thru (when I really should have been sweating myself to near death in the gym), and the cashier dude takes my order, explains it has to cook, and then leaves the store to come stand outside next to my car window (as if he wasn't close enough inside the store), only so we could discuss how badly he wants to marry me and come to America to cut my grass! When I expressed my appreciation for the love he has for America but told him this wasn't possible, he stood next to my window with puppy dog eyes as if he was going to cry. It took everything I had not to marry the guy right then and there -- I'm far too soft. However, something tells me that marrying a man who has mastered the cash register at the ripe ol' age of 32 would have faced an entirely difference set of issues upon arrival to the states. Oh well, I'll keep holding out.

Louka said...

So true, Desert Girl, i feel sorry for what you have to go through:P

you should answer 'yes' to one of those questions, and see their reaction haha

samy1st said...

No, I'm from Bosnia and my farm was destroyed in the war. I have eight children and today is my birthday.Stop it your turning me on where have you been all my life i`m looking for girls just like you that`s what i would say lol thanks for the post

2 Minutes Story said...

LOL !!
that was sad/hilarious !!
well said :)

Roraima said...

also, I would add to that no, I'm not a teacher. Being American doesn't mean I want sex with just any guy.

Desert Girl said...

Fuzzbear - I don't publish posts by haters. You can trash Americans on your own blog.

Neo said...

by marrying you.. people get a green card to the U.S?

abolesanzalef said...

i wanna say that there is no differnces between american and other nationalities cuz we r all inder the name of HUMAN.. ut who think that american feels that, so he can be like that sickness kind of people!!!

- I dont know why i have that feelings to know who is that DG???!!!!.......

Papyrus said...

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL

So, should I take it that Samy1st is a visa seeker?

Anonymous said...

Hi DG, thanks for the post. Too true and funny! I have a fake out wedding ring as well. I wear it, flash it and say husband is in Kuwait and NO!!! you can’t be my friend. Haha, I learned after a few times the best way to answer. Isn't living here fun? I just get the biggest kick out of it, really. And not just because I have the boy toy. ;-)Great post, thanks again.