Sunday, February 21, 2010

Fish out of polluted water

So here I am in Virginia with like 2' of snow on the ground. It is 40 degrees (American!) and I'm just wearing a sweater. I came back from the "Viet Cong" (that's what my bro-in-law calls the nail salon because all the nail places in Northern Virginia are run by Vietnamese ladies who I KNOW are talking about my fat ass and giggling in their language. Oh, anyways... came back from the VC (Charlie Joe did my toes) wearing my flip flops and my family just about fell out of their chairs. "WHERE do you think you ARE? Kuwait?!" I'm not going to change; let the weather change a-round me! Besides, my pink toes look really cute in a snowy background.

I love being here, but I do sometimes feel like a fish outa water. For example, people are so polite that they don't stare here; giving me a very eeerie feeling. WHY aren't they staring? What is wrong with ME? Why aren't men chasing me around the grocery store? I don't get it! I'm like - what is the world - oh yeah INVISIBLE. How do people ever meet each other here? How do they procreate? (More importantly - how do they practice at it?) They don't even bluetooth in this country. So odd! Meeting men here must be like (I shiver) work.

Oh - one creepy old Iranian man with hair coming out of his ears followed me around the Reston Towne Center. He asked me what my name was and the first thing that popped into my mind was, "Louise" (?) I told him I was married when he asked for my number. My sister thinks I have Middle-Eastern-Man-Magnetism. Great - why can't I be magnetic to someone say like Prince Waleed or the likes? Why can't I have Clooney magnetism? Why am I blessed and cursed at the same time?

New subject

There is a woman in the paper who shot up her colleagues because she didn't get tenure at her job. My sister was reading me the article and I'm thinking .... I can relate. That is really pathetic and I'm not saying that I would ever do it (I can't get my shotgun in my barbie suitcase) but.. I can see it. No seriously - the woman was really a nutcase... (similarities....)

So, I head down to Ft. Lauderdale day-after-tomorrow to go to a convention. I haven't been there since I dated a Saudi guy and he moved there and I spent 2 totally unmemorable days there with him (dayam - WHAT was his name and what did he look like????) No one wants to go with me. I've offered my mother a free all-expenses paid trip to go with and she said no. Do I smell? Ok... so I've admitted to the snoring; perhaps it is that.

I am thinking of getting a much younger boyfriend who I can boss around and take on trips like these for fun. When I say 'jump' you say, "What kind of martini would you like, baby?" Hey, anything would be fine, gorgeous, as long as you serve it in cowboy boots and a smile.

I'm just delusional! Alls I get is a hairy-eared old dude who thinks I'm Louise.


Anonymous said...

Just returned from a solo trip to a neighboring country to pamper myself and drink myself to oblivion. Which only takes 3 drinks after living here so long. Catching up on your blog and not disappointed. Great read, so funny as usual, since I found it around a month ago. Oh please do take a younger boyfriend who you can boss around and have fun with. I never ever dated a man younger than me until Kuwait. I HIGHLY recommend it. I'm in my mid thirties and working with a bunch of blue collared Americans. Sorry if it sounds stuck up but after 5 years in Kuwait I still don't speak Tagalo (or spell it) nor can I say "me love you long time" or until Green card and you support my entire family Grandpa. My entire "girlfriend posse" has left Kuwait and moved on and I'm still here. With the exception of my friends who work 24/7 and have no life or time to go out and enjoy Kuwait. So dating the local younger Kuwaiti is definitely entertaining and keeps a smile on my face. Lol.

Kweiko said...

lol I can in some way relate to what you're talking about but the opposite way :P When I was in Q8 for the first time in ages, I suddenly got stalked by some guys and I was like "omg gangsters in the middle of Deera?!" You see, I was born in Q8 but I've grown up in Sweden, and here they don't follow people around like that, so I thought hell was loose on me! Now I've been there a few times and think it's really ridiculous when guys are hanging out of the window of their cars to see you, just like dogs. Yet I miss that too haha.

I've read some of your other blogs, it's really fun reading them. Keep up the good work!

Louka said...

haha, you've been on Arab soil for too long!

Anonymous said...

Why someone would fishes out of polluted water where the fishes would be poisonous and stinky

SB said...

I got proposed to just this morning by one of my clients. Back in the States I can't even get a guy to buy me a drink. I'm going to have to invest in a wedding band, even though I have said since I've been here (8 months) that I never would.

Both my sisters are married to younger men, they highly recommend it.

Slapperella said...

You date a younger guy. I'll give you that cougar soap back - and with great pleasure! Its about time youo joined the club!!!
Enjoy Miami!
Come back safe :)

Papyrus said...

@DG, why does it sound like you're never coming back to Kuwait ever again?
@SB, did you say yes? said...

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With best regards,
Hasan Bloushi