Monday, November 16, 2009

Monkey Drivers


On my way to work this morning, there were 2 drivers racing on 5th Ring Road. One was in a bright red Lumina SS with tinted windows; the other was a black Grand Marquis. You would think the morons were 20-somethings, but nooooo…. These idiots were in their 40’s.


They were zigzagging in between cars, flashing their lights… acting like chimps on speed.


This is why I have high blood pressure. This is also why I leave my house promptly at 6:25 am every morning (to get to work on time by 7:30 am) to avoid traffic.


I wanted to BITCH SLAP both of them. I go into this trace/fantasy world where they get into accidents (with each other – not harming other drivers) and they aren’t terribly hurt, but just incapacitated and stuck in their cars with the windows rolled down. I go to the first, SLAP him hard across the face.. ‘This is for your wife!’ SLAP ‘This is for your kids.’ PUNCH ‘This is for me and all the other drivers on the road.’ PUNCH SLAP ‘This is for our collective families and children – born and unborn.’ Then, I repeat it with the second.


The Chosen Ones of the Universe… so they think.

18 comments:

His said...

Don't you just love those people !!
I would like to see what they would do if they get into an accident. Bet they will blame it on others.

Razaldo said...

You should consider owning a tank...
I am planning to buy one to resolve my road rage issues too :)

Desert Girl said...

His - of course they would blame it on others! They are The Chosen Ones...

Razaldo - I like that fantasy, but unfortunately, the tanks aren't fast enough and require too much maintenance. Did you know that a tank battery costs around $1000 and that each tank requires 6? Fascinating.

Anonymous said...

Ah Takes me back to when the kids were little and I was driving them home from school, we were almost there and a Nikab came next to me, she was actually twisting the nikab around, anyway, a dumass dude was hot on her tail so he could get... hot on her tail. so she zoomed in front of me and went left around the round a bout AND SO DID HE!!! but when he did it he made me and him jump off the street and into a grove of palm trees. I decided then an there if he had hit me I would of beaten him senseless in front of kids and all. He didn/t even have the nerve to look at me. I daydream sometimes that I did beat him anyway... back to my dreamin Gail

Desert Girl said...

If they legalized handguns in Kuwait, they wouldn't have these problems! I'm telling you - the day that they legalized concealed weapons in Virginia, everyone drove much more respectfully.

Anonymous said...

Funny post. While I was driving to work today I thinking along the same lines...

Half the drivers in Kuwait act like they are in ambulances with sirens wailing and neeed to get where they are going at no less than 150. The other half drive like they are hauling crates of eggs and dare not go above 80- regardless of the lane.

When you mix these two types it is no wonder this place has such a high accident rate [and it's only going to get worse, the Kuwait times had an article today predicting a 68% increase in traffic fatalities across the middle east by 2015].

Anonymous said...

slaps? oh no that's not enough!
ever considered a kick in the nuts?! that should do it!

daggero said...

holy Gun smokes ,they allowed people to carry concealed guns in Virginia .OMG what for ????

Desert Girl said...

Daggero - the 2nd Ammendment to the US Constitution, "the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed." There are many states in the US where you can carry a concealed weapon. Gun manufacturers even make models that are convenient for women to keep in their handbags.

scatterbrain said...

damn!! you are funny!!

geo v said...

They're probably just late getting back into their cages at the zoo, DG!
They're scared they might miss their daily ration of nuts and bananas.

candlestick said...

I just saw an article in the Kuwait times that quoted some ministry or another that claimed there were only 400 some odd traffic fatalities last year. I wonder about the accuracy of that number. Three days prior to the article the Times reported seven fatalities, then yesterday there were four more. There were also several folks killed while crossing the street/road/highways. I think those should count as well. If gambling were legal here, I would wager the actual number of fatalities is much higher. And the cause is simply far too much aggresive driving coupled with way too lax, (or non-existent) safety standards for vehichles. How many times do you see, at the last second, cars and freaking semi trucks with no lights? Cars with parts literally flapping in the wind, just waiting to fall off and onto the roadway. And this is my own personal belief, but I think a lot of these drivers are under the influence. I also forgot about drivers talking on the phone drinking a coke, seven kids RUNNING around the inside of the car, while wearing a veil with two small eye slits, while overtaking a car on the shoulder of the road, at about 160 kph. Yeah that's not a recipe for disaster. I saw that on the seventh ring on Thursay night, and on way too many other occasions. I am not sure how you stop all the madness. I have read that there is a pretty agressive campaign to fine and even impound cars for some of the worst offenders. But we all know that A. Just like the cell phone ban it will not be enforced and B. Those with the right "wasta" will continue to do as they please.

Anonymous said...

Let me tell you there is absolutely no hope in this. Years ago I had a friend in a very devoit religious class. I mean big time religion. The so called teacher decided to have the class in Kharan resort. So she drove 3 of them while 4 cars of women followed. she went 160 ALL THE WAY. The others couldn't catch up, got lost, finally found her and she was totally oblivious to the fact that her horrible driving cancelled out whatever she believed were her qualifications to teach a religious class. DUHHH

Gail

Anonymous said...

Yesterday, I swear I had a flashback to Kuwait last summer. I was here in the middle of nowhere, tiny town Missouri, about 2 blocks from our local mosque, in a car with a friend driving. Two women (north African, I think) in hejab, with a 2ish year old in a stroller and a 3 year old in hand, just step into the street to cross...about 30 feet in front of a streetlight. They take their time about it, blocking traffic and almost getting the kiddles ran over several times. My friend was flipping out...they could easily cross at the light, and had to go that way anyway to get there. Then I explained that, in other countries, crosswalks are for getting run over in, and dodging through oncoming traffic like a giant game of frogger is "the" thing to do. I do hope someone enlightens these ladies before they get those toddlers killed, but I totally know where they're coming from. I still can't believe the utter lack of enforcement of any kind of traffic law in Kuwait. Great way to die.
soupprincess

Mathai said...

why carry concealed weapons? anyone with a driver's license in Kuwait automatically has a license to kill :P

Desert Girl said...

My Briddish friend, Tom, used to keep a plastic banana in his car. Whenever he saw a monkey driver, he waved his banana, saying, "Monkey want a banana? OOO OOO." It was FRICKIN HYSTERICAL. Most of the drivers didn't get it until they were way past him.

I lost my banana. I think Slaps took it. She steals all my oddly-shaped fruit.

Haligonian in Kuwait said...

Thank you for taking the time and writing these comments....I can't help but feel some relief from realizing that someone else out here in Kuwait is experiencing what I'm experiencing and that I'm not going crazy by imagining the same when some of those monkeys cuts me off at the road....Thanks for all your other comments as well I really enjoyed them, hell I laughed so hard my workers thought I was loosing it.....

Anonymous said...

Desperate: must decide by Monday if we want a job in Kuwait. Found your blog by chance. I am positive about it but I HATE driving. Can one use rely on taxis and public transport? Work: Al Mansouriya, where can you live that is nice and with services? Sorry but I know nothing about Kuwait, only what I found on the internet since I got the news a few hours ago!!
Anyone who whats to write to me, delighted: meguibarra@hotmail.com Thanks.