What is Liquid Ass one might ask? Well, according to the LiquidAss website: “ Liquid Ass is an overwhelmingly stinky, funny prank product. Once unleashed, this power-packed, super-concentrated liquid begins to evaporate filling the air with genuine, foul butt-crack smell with hits of dead animal and fresh poo…” I read one comment that it smells like a cross between dog poo and diarrhea. How they manufactured this unique odor is left to the imagination.
I read some of the reviews and checked out some of the YouTube videos (thanks to a good friend, Mr. Tall, who mentioned that they were out there) and sat in my office silently giggling until tears streamed down my face.
I know what you are thinking: “Desert Girl, you have stooped to new lows.” Yes, I know this is juvenile. I know it is bathroom humor. I also know it is totally what I’ve needed lately.
I’ve already been fantasizing about practical applications of Liquid Ass in Kuwait. Yes people, it does come in a spray bottle. My friend, Mr. Tall, says that he dreams of following people who cut him off in traffic and leaving a little on their cars.
Ok, so try to call the police. I can hear it now.
Cut-Offer-Dude: Someone followed me home and now my car smells like shit.
Cut-Offer-Dude: My car smells like shit.
777: Where did you park it?
Cut-Offer-Dude: No! Someone followed me home and did something to my car.
777: Why don’t you try the baladia (municipality)?
So then Cut-Offer-Dude hangs up and calls his driver/houseboy/gopher: “BABU!!! BABU!!! Come clean my car!” and then Babu gets sick, making things worse. And then the guys’ kids come home and they all get sick. The neighbors are lining up to stare thinking someone has been poisoned. Madame starts shouting for Cut-Offer-Dude to go and buy a new car.
Oh yeah… I too can have my fantasies. Someone call 2484-3900 and tell them to come get me.