Tuesday, November 04, 2008

Butt in a Bottle

Liquid Ass. Yes folks, that is their registered name. I don’t make this stuff up. How did I hear about it? I was surfing the net for stupid yet humorous Halloween pictures to send to my friends. The trend on the net, by the way, is yard scarecrows in the mooning position utilizing two pumpkins. (Why is Halloween the favorite holiday of West Virginia? Because pump kin is official.)

What is Liquid Ass one might ask? Well, according to the LiquidAss website: “ Liquid Ass is an overwhelmingly stinky, funny prank product. Once unleashed, this power-packed, super-concentrated liquid begins to evaporate filling the air with genuine, foul butt-crack smell with hits of dead animal and fresh poo…” I read one comment that it smells like a cross between dog poo and diarrhea. How they manufactured this unique odor is left to the imagination.

I read some of the reviews and checked out some of the YouTube videos (thanks to a good friend, Mr. Tall, who mentioned that they were out there) and sat in my office silently giggling until tears streamed down my face.

I know what you are thinking: “Desert Girl, you have stooped to new lows.” Yes, I know this is juvenile. I know it is bathroom humor. I also know it is totally what I’ve needed lately.

I’ve already been fantasizing about practical applications of Liquid Ass in Kuwait. Yes people, it does come in a spray bottle. My friend, Mr. Tall, says that he dreams of following people who cut him off in traffic and leaving a little on their cars.

Ok, so try to call the police. I can hear it now.
“Aaaaloooo 777.”
Cut-Offer-Dude: Someone followed me home and now my car smells like shit.
777: What?
Cut-Offer-Dude: My car smells like shit.
777: Where did you park it?
Cut-Offer-Dude: No! Someone followed me home and did something to my car.
777: Why don’t you try the baladia (municipality)?
So then Cut-Offer-Dude hangs up and calls his driver/houseboy/gopher: “BABU!!! BABU!!! Come clean my car!” and then Babu gets sick, making things worse. And then the guys’ kids come home and they all get sick. The neighbors are lining up to stare thinking someone has been poisoned. Madame starts shouting for Cut-Offer-Dude to go and buy a new car.

Oh yeah… I too can have my fantasies. Someone call 2484-3900 and tell them to come get me.


Evil Knievel said...

haha!!! I like you ingenious way of using it...
I might fill it in a super soaker and spray it on the cars that overtake me on the emergency lane when me and everyone else is stuck in a traffic jam on 30 on our way home... :)

Ohhh ... and this is what i had to type for verification:
groos! (comes close to the subject) ... :P

Q8 Amirah said...

ROFL ! I knew there had to be a lil "redneck" in ya ;)

Desert Girl said...

Hey anonymous - start your own blog so you can slam foreigners. Je ne care pas. This is not the forum. You've been ZAPPED.