I have a friend who stays at home playing with her big, fat, furry pussy all the time, rather than socializing with her friends. She can’t stop playing with it – and it is a nasty, smelly one. I am, of course, referring to her cat, Paddy. And my friend – antisocial-formerly-very-social (as in “dances on tabletops”) beloved Irish friend who I cannot get to leave her apartment. It is pathetic. What is it about cat women? Once you get a cat, do you never leave home? I’m just wondering. Dog people have to walk them, so you occasionally actually have to run into people. I miss my socialite buddy. Ya know, acknowledging that you HAVE a problem is the first step in solving the problem. Leave that pussy alone and let’s go have fun, girl!
I am allergic to cats. I wish I wasn’t because then I could go to visit some of my favorite friends. Sadly, I get disgustingly sick whenever I spend too much time around cats: red hives that pop up from my neck to my forehead; swollen eyes; uncontrollable runny nose. It really is gross. Just thought I’d share.
I want to lease an Envoy. Does anybody have a good contact person for me in Kuwait? I refuse to deal with Kuwait Finance (I have some other choice “F” words to insert here, but I won’t) House. Write to me at firstname.lastname@example.org. I want a badasscar that I can trash for a year and get away with it.
Future-Husband-and-Father-of-My-Children disappeared for a few days. He called me last night, but I was watching TV or doing the dishes or playing with my toenails or something and I just couldn’t get the phone. Sometimes, ya just gotta play their game. “I’m too busy.”
Segway from playing with toenails: I MUST have sushi. I MUST, I MUST. I will surely perish without it in the next few days. (MArtist – Crowne Plaza run?)
I loved Don’s blog about being more courteous to people on the street because they might be blogger friends. I have been bad for the past few days. I read someone else’s blog and I lowered myself to making some pretty bad comments on it and I shouldn’t have. It was a crime of passion. I should be kinder. I should just remember that it is like the television when either Bush or Rumsfeld pisses me off to the point when I am shouting at the TV and worrying my neighbors: You can just turn it off. Don’t look at it. ….Everything is a learning experience.
OH! The Sultan Center (Dis)Advantage Card… Why is it that every time you go into the Sultan Center, the cashier is asking you if you have a Sultan card? There is no advantage to it that I can see. I’ve been shopping there for close to 9 years and guess what – I never got anything from them. Nada. You know what would be nice – you whip out your Sultan Center (Dis)Advantage Card and then they say, “Desert Girl, you are our millionth visitor. You have just won a badasscar that you can drive 100 mph over speed bumps at your whim.” OR – “Desert Girl, you have just won a free bunch of bananas for shopping with us today. We’ll go get those for you.” Sheeeet – some kind of gesture would be nice. I get more advantage by going to the co-op and having the teethless Egyptian baggers smile at me and offer to carry my bags. Anyhoo, I have never seen the advantage of that card – even after the new TSC customer service guys just sent me 4 e-mails when my old card was stolen. Even those guys couldn’t explain the advantages. Ayman, are you READING THIS????
Another big family tried a hostile take-over of the Sultan Center last year. It could have become known as the “Khara Fi Center”. Ha ha.
I had a training course today where I was bored to tears, so of course – when I am bored, I am dangerous: I changed all the settings on the computer I was sitting at. Wonder who is going to sit there next… They have now got a screen saver with a marquee scroll (of interesting saying – not too naughty) set to come on every 2 minutes, and a peeling banana for a cursor. It is kind of like returning a rental car with the radio turned all the way up. Stuff you do when you are bored. Better than staying at home playing with your CAT.