Sunday, January 22, 2012
I found out this weekend that Southern Bedu (now officially "SB" as he can be discribed officially as a SoB) has been dating one of my friends - that he met at MY HOUSE. She is only a light acquaintance and didn't know our relationship. I don't blame her - she didn't know. I was always running around inside the house being hostess, while he was sitting with my friends outside smoking sheesha and generally avoiding me. No one knew he was my guy - unless a dude was hitting on me and then it would be all "She's my fiance!" (and then it wasn't about me - it was about posession.) I generally don't feel the need to announce my relationship status to everyone I know. Noneyor.
How did I find out? He wanted to bring her to a party at my place this weekend as his date!!!
WTF is WRONG with people???
Well sheet, I knew I shouldn't have camped in the South. Its my own damn fault. Shoulda known better. I should stick to my own tribe.
Why do guys ask me to marry them? There is no need. I don't fall for that crap and it surprises me that they don't understand that in terms of marriage, I'm a fight or flight" girl and I choose flight. When it gets serious, I feel the walls closing in and I want to bolt. I have a lovely box of engagement rings and that is fine with me. (I would like the procedure to escalate to cars and homes, but that's really irrelevant to our discussion.)
Girlfriend and I had a nice little chat. I wish them well. I doubt it will go very far after our girl talk.
I don't know if SoB was serious about the whole marriage thing or not. Who knows? Who cares? He seems to have had all my friends fooled - and I believe some of them are... "It takes a playah to know a playah." They smell the bullshit. They understand the bullshit. They have done the bullshit. The marriage game in Kuwait is waaaaaaay old school (which is why I don't believe it and why I have so many nice rings - cause I INSIST). Dudes believe that if they ask you to marry them, it cements the relationship and girlfriend will generally do what he wants (em, have WE met??).
A Kuwaiti friend related a story about someone he knows who would play the marriage game to the next level with women he met; he would go to the girls' family and ask for her hand in marriage. Kuwaiti women. Women from upstanding families. When they would agree, he would start dating her openly. Why this is necessary in today's society in Kuwait - I have no idea. It is kind of an "open market" these days.... However, I guess he enjoyed the whole game aspect... until he met a girl, asked her father to marry her, father agrees, dude tries to dump the girl after getting what he wanted - and WABAM! Girl's father turns out to be an influential judge. Tee hee. Forces him to marry her. Few years pass and dude wants a divorce. Daddy gets girlfriend a big settlement.
... back to our story. So, am I upset about this incident? I'm mad that someone could believe he could take advantage of me (I'm not saying that he did because seriously - it was never going to happen from my side I was never serious about it - too much baggage, too many problems.). I'm mad that some of my friends will still talk to him even though he pulled such a hailag move. I feel like my friends have been betrayed and not just me because they befriended SoB because of me. I'm not sad because quite honestly, there wasn't much love there. He was nice to have around, but zzzzzzzzzzzz kinda boring: No passion.
[To contrast: When The Man and I first met, we didn't get out of bed for the first 6 months (and every time we broke up and got back together). We were so in love that we couldn't keep away from each other. SoB - not so much. Okay, not at all. It was kind of like sleeping next to a brother. That's no good.]
Why am I writing all this? Because this is not my first goat rodeo. I'm jaded and cynical and I look for this kind of shyt (and am usually able to detect it. There is always someone somewhere who can find a loophole.) But... other girlfriends out there might not know these tricks. Girlfriends might not know that these kinda tricks are not only played by little boys over here, but little boys that are in their 40's and beyond. This is a generalization, of course. I FER SURE don't believe that many men play these games; however, some do.
I seriously didn't need this drama this week, but I'm glad it happened and I know. My tarot cards said, "false friends" - God loves me and doesn't want them around. Bada BING.