Sunday, January 08, 2012

Day 8 - I'm back

Ok so I'm back and here is my new mantra:

Is this where I live?
Is this really my life?

It will take me a while to get back into the swing of things.  And, I know that I have a great life and I have a great place to live... but my family isn't here.  And neither are trees and our house and the quiet and...  lots of stuff.

I had a great time in Virgin-Yuh.  I don't really do much per se - I just hang out with the family most of the time and sometimes get together with a few friends.  New Years isn't anything OTT or crazy - just with friends and family (and booz and food).  I ate about half a plate of my sister’s crab dip.  Holy snap that stuff was good!  My nephew took me out for crabs and a movie.  The crabs were brought up from Louisiana and dayum were they good.  We went to see “War Horse” which I wish I hadn’t seen.  Overall, it was a good movie, but there was a scene in it where the horse was severely hurt and it was graphic.  I’m an adult and I walked out during that scene. I would never want a child to see something like that.  Horrible.

So, quite unfortunately and after great research and development,  I've come to the conclusion that I just can't get drunk on much of anything anymore.  And it isn't like I'm not trying.  I have determined that getting me drunk has more to do with my attitude and who I'm drinking with (and what their level of drunkenness is).  Oh, why is it that my dear Irish genes can absorb so much liquor?  Why the hollow legs?  Do yer best lads!  Try to get me drunk!

Oh, so back to my story.....

It was frick-in COLD in Virginia.  I mean, I even put on my 20-year-old (my friends date guys almost that old) cashmere full-length coat one night.  Brrrrrr.  Some days it was warm, but there were a few there that I almost ran to one of the marts (K or Wal) to get long underwear.  I am ALWAYS hot but they got me this time.

[Let me just say that I can't believe how many of my life-long favorite stores have gone out of business in the States.  It's horrible!  Filene's Basement, Newport News (catalog) and Spiegel (also catalog).  What a state of affairs.  The economy is supposed to be getting better, but the jobs section of the Washington Post on a Sunday was only 2 pages long. Not good.]

I miss my family.  It gets worse all the time. I miss having people who know me - I mean really know me - and who have a shared history with me.  I miss just sharing their lives and being part of it all. I miss hanging with my mom and my sister (and my nephew if he had the time).  Yep, I'm melancoly.  That's true.

And now, on to some different emotions….

I had someone say this to me recently and it really really pissed me off, so I thought I would throw it out here….  MEN!  “I’ll make it up to you.” is absurd and never happens.  You can NEVER make it up.  Women will let you slide, but they don’t forget.  It is still there, waiting dormant.  She hasn’t forgotten.  I can’t recall ever hearing “I’ll make it up to you” from a woman.  Have you?  Well, I’ve never had anyone properly make it up to me and if they did, it should have come in the form of some grand gesture.  Time to whip out the charge card and get it right.  I mention this because recently, I have heard this statement and I think it is bullhooey.   Don’t “make it up”!  Do it right the first time because we remember. Say what you mean and mean what you say.   Keep promises and commitments, so you don’t have to say stupid things like that.

I officially broke up with Southern Bedu right before I left.  Alas, it was inevitable.  Had to be done.  He is a great guywith a heart of gold.   There werejust too many issues (strung together like a freight train) and I've done the one-sided relationship deal for too long. [Mens:  Simply stating that you are engaged to someone doesn’t cut it.  There is a certain level of effort and ceremony that goes into it – and I’m not even mentioning the ring (I’m mentioning it, but I’m not mentioning it, right?)]   I felt like I was the only one in the relationship doing any work to keep it together - and why bother if I don't see someone who only lives 15 minutes from me, is single, has no other obligations - yada?  I gave him chances and nothing worked. I think I'm a pretty communicative girl; I have never had a problem expressing how I feel.  In our case, I had (incredibly kind well-intentioned) friends who tried to help too and put it into terms that Southern could understand.  Nothing sank in.  He was supposed to go with me to the States and never seemed to be interested.  That’s okay; what’s meant to be is meant to be.

I think I am destined for a series of short relationships.  Some people are destined to be married for most of their lives.  Apparently, I'm not one of those people and I'm fine with it. I have people who love me - I know that.  I'm surrounded by kindness.

In my old age (29) I've also kinda decided that the best relationships are determined by kisses.  Kisses are the real way to tell if a man loves you (or still loves you).  Forget everything else – single or married:  How does he kiss you?

And so then on the 12th day of Christmas, on the Epiphany, I had an epiphany....

....  something happened to me this weekend -  something that has kept me on Cloud 9 ever since (I’m listening to Bryan Adams and thinking about you and next it’s going to be Adele). I love love love talking to him.  It feels like hours are minutes. I called him every day that I was in the States and got off the phone every time feeling uplifted.  I don't know what is going to happen later. He’s not the type of guy I can talk to about it (talking about other people and emotions is fine, but talking about us and emotions is not cool) and I’m shocked that he talked to me so openly and actually got the words out.  I'm shocked and happy at the same time.  Just happy.  No strings happy.  Making my heart sing happy.  Keep reading my eyes, boy, and I'll keep reading yours and someday we will get there. I have a feeling about us and I’m usually right even if it takes time. 

The Romanian was really sick.  I narcissistically attribute this to me leaving.  She just can’t handle it without me.  I know, I know.  That’s right.  Well, I hope she’s better now.  She had really high blood pressure (stop SMOKING!!!!).  They told her (in Kuwait) not to drink red wine, but white wine is okay.  I always thought it was the opposite.  Hmmm.   Whatever.  I don’t have high blood pressure and I don’t drink white wine (it hurts my tummy).  Wait, does champagne count as white wine?  Snap!  I’ve managed to make this about me again.  Girl, I hope you are better now and you know that I love you.  Thanks for taking care of your niece for me while I was away.

Slaps is off in the land of the PHUCKINGCOLD again.  Please, don’t even try to tell me that you don’t have some dude there named Boris or Ivan or maybe a Sasha over there. (OMG the Russian pilot dude, Sasha, in "2012" is ba-Gorgeous!  Git one of him!) You’ve got a  second home and you’re drinking vodka and eating borsht.  We KNOW. 

So I don’t know what Butterfly or Spanx have been up to. Time to catch up.  Style was in town for a little while.  We all know she is a spy – I just don’t know why she would want to bother dabbling in Kuwait, but she does before she rushes off to some other interesting destination to do her clandestine work.  “Media consultant” my arse (that’s Briddish for your 6).

Special K is back.  He just bought his fiancĂ© a car in the States – leading me to believe in several possible options:  1) He is moving back to the States to be with her; 2) They’re not really getting married; 3) he’s moving back to the States to be with her.  (yeah, I repeated 3 that, but I think it is true.  Don’t LIE to me, dude!  You know you are going.  Please don’t be like me with one foot in the US and one foot in Kuwait as a permanent condition; you only end up with open legs!)

I’m back at work and all the Usual Suspects are here. Job #1 this year is to keep Stella happy.  I’m really useless when she’s upset (symbiotic relationship) so I have to try to keep her in good spirits.  I’ve got to teach her man to brew.  That might help us all.  I’m working on that.  They don’t know it, but they will now. I’m arranging for them both to have a better social life and get them involved in some fascinating circles of friends, yes I am.  I am also secretly planning to get them to travel on the weekends and maybe I can tag along with them.  (That cat is now out of the bag also.  Fine.)  You guys can still have romantic get-aways for 2 with me tagging along, right?  It’s possible.  I just drink anyways and go to sleep.

I think I'm gettng sick. I hope not. It just feels like I've got a respiratory thing happening.

So, happy new year people.  We are on Day 8 and I have found this year simply fasssssssssssscinating already. 


American Girl said...

I can totally relate to your mantra. Always missing something, someone, and somewhere. Always asking where's home and when am I going to get there -- even when sleeping in my own bed. I long for everything I own to be neatly organized in one home and not strewn all over 3 countries. But which home? Where? If I'm here I miss there and if I'm there I miss here. Maybe it's just the people? Maybe if I could put all the people I love so much in one country it wouldn't matter where home was located?

Okaaaay, crazy girl just vented all over your blog... sorry about that! So glad you're back and had a great time. I know it had to be awesome spending this time of year with your family.

Daneris said...


I enjoy reading your blog. Although the ending of a relationship is bad, I can't help but think that you are getting closer to a person that you can be with. Of course there are several "soul mates" out there for everyone after all it is a big world. I know it is a cheesy sentiment and I know it hurts, because like most people I have been there.

I am going through something similiar right now, since we can't see into the future we can't see any of the good things that are coming up.

I wonder what exactly is so attractive about Kuwait and holds you in Kuwait? This is the thought I had while reading the post. For me Rio is the place that draws me and where I plan to move and lead a life. I wish you love, luck, and happiness!

Anonymous said...

God bless you ~ you are a strong, intelligent woman who deserves a wonderful man! Wishing you all the happiness in the world :)

Anonymous said...

man, you put your finger on the wound as they say...
I've lived around the world and have just moved (again) to Cairo after two years in Kuwait..
It gets harder and harder to be away from family as we grow older I think. All the change gets to you and end up wanting to be around the familiars. I am finally starting to wonder if maybe it would be easier if I had a family of my own, provided I actually stay in one place long enough to achieve that.
On the other hand, Kuwait is really a tough place for a foreign woman to date an Arab. The society is very conservative and men there are very very unlikely to marry outside family circle or even navigate outside that circle socially. I really hope you find what you are looking for, I know you wouldn't settle for anything less than you deserve!

Sharon said...

Hi Desert Girl, really glad to come across your blog. I have been searching for a job in Kuwait and Google took me to your blog somehow. I admit I started reading to find any links that would bring me a job and then I just stopped thinking about the job part. You showed me a Kuwait that I didn't know. It was great reading and waiting for more.

Certnayy said...

Are you really 29? My handsome brudder is 29. Just sayin...hint hint, wink wink, nod nod ;D