Monday, January 16, 2012
2012 Kickoff: Day 16 into the year
As you may have heard, I recently had a marriage proposal and accepted (Southern Bedu). I want to say that I was engaged, but it was never formalized (even though it was announced throughout the Southern tribe) and I never got a ring (ring or maher/chabka: his choice), so it was kind of an impotent effort. He is very very nice and my friends really like him a lot (so do I). He is Kuwaiti, very attractive and kind. Unfortunately, he has a lot on his plate and I don’t think it is really the time for him to be having a relationship with me or anybody else.
Perhaps his moms was correct when she told him, “Marry her before she flies away.” I did fly away; in December for Christmas to be with my family. He was supposed to go with me and I think by mutual consent, he didn’t. My family didn’t ask any embarrassing questions and we left it at that.
Southern Bedu will be a good friend. I maintain my friendships unless someone has treated me badly in a relationship and then they don’t deserve to be my friend. Southern does. He’s fun to be around, he has always been good to me, and I’m happy that it has ended this way. It was brief and I am without regrets.
One thing I discovered during this brief encounter: Some people in my life truly truly love me. I found out that Stealth had a conversation with Southern and offered to help him get me an engagement ring. He even had a designer and someone who would help get a discount on a diamond. I cried. Who does that? Once an unrequited love-interest, he put his personal feelings for me aside so that I could be happy. What can you say about someone like that? Words aren’t enough. I get all weepy even thinking about it.
It’s like a Jude Deveraux story line: The cowboy (Montgomery – they are always Montgomerys in Jude Devereaux novels) believes his solitary life will only cause her harm and so he chooses to sacrifice his own feelings for her happiness as she makes plans to marry another … almost. (Okay, so that is a bit OTT and melodramatic, but you get the point.)
Alas, ahsen shay Southern Bedu saves his money for a new car or redecorating his home. These were more often the things he talked about. I hope you get your new Mercedes. I will be very happy for you. I will.
This year is off to a (Mashallah) very good start for me. Everything happens for a reason and now I have one more good friend; and I know that someone else loves me profoundly. It’s a blessing and a surprise (as in the former discussion). I don’t need a relationship to complete me. I complete me; and I’m surrounded by love. Mashallah.
Not that it matters to all the above, but I also had a little closure on another front: A discussion with a blast from the past who never explained his motives of a year ago; mais c’est vrai; je ne care pas. It happened so frequently that why exert the effort to wonder why? It usually happens with him approximately 7 months to a year later; he wants to discuss “us”. Soooo.... I found out that “everyone” is talking about me since I changed my relationship status on Facebook when Southern and I began our relationship. Otay, so we break up (Nth time) with not even so much as a call later. Months later, I meet a guy, he axes me to marry him, I agree, I (for once in my life have the opportunity to) post that I’m “in a relationship” (because I CAN this time, I don’t have to be covert, and he’s proud; instead of the other being embarrassed and asking me to remove the one photo I have posted with him in it). I guess I was expected to wait for him? Doesn’t life go on? If you feel the need to explain to everyone, then explain. Or if anyone talking about me would like to discuss it with me, you’ve got my numbers. And for me, life does go on. Et tu, I noticed that nothing had changed; out the door as not to be dècoverte. Again. Like every Saturday morning for years at precisely 10:30 am. (Even now, I hate that time of the morning on Saturdays. It has been ruined for me.) Cojones, my friend; they need to grow and flourish. Run, cojones, ruuuuuuuuuun! …. Sigh. This discussion now tires me and has brought up negative vibrations from the past that I have made a conscious decision not to relive. And moving right along….
My friend (don’t know if she wants me to tell people that she does tarot. Do you?) read my tarot cards last week for 2012. She’s amazing at it. Apparently, the Universe is smiling at me. Okay, NOW we’re talking. I never told her what man I was asking about (and not from paragraph above); I preferred to keep it quiet. She looked at the cards, looked at me, and knew immediately; then I knew that she knew. Neither one of us said his name, but she said, “He has 2 names.” Which is totally true and she doesn’t know it and neither does anyone else. This tarot card reading was different than any I’d ever had because in two 10-card spreads, I got 7 out of 10 cards the same on both. Lots of wands and major arcana (probably related to career – zzzz, boring. Show me the loooooove.). Wands also relates to summertime. She mentioned some stuff about false friends and talking behind my back. I have a feeling I know who these people are, but I’m not ready to mention it or defriend or anything just yet (Stealth says they’re jealous). She also mentioned a Pisces person, but she wasn’t sure because it was also saying another zodiac sign: This is Stealth. He has more than one birthday. She saw a rainbow in the cards. We couldn’t figure out what it meant. I left there and remembered that he found a rainbow rose for me. (Yes girl – it all makes sense later.)
J’aime deux chose; toi et la rose. La rose pour un jour, et toi pour tous jours.