Sunday, July 27, 2008

I want you….. but only on my terms

I have been meeting a lot of these creatures lately. I have had to lower the sensors on my bullshit detector to accommodate the massive volume; I fear sensory overload. Like the Tarsheed campaign, I am trying to cut back.

What makes people think that they can get away with it?

“I can’t wait to see you.”: Only when I don’t have anything better to do and preferably after 11:00 on a Friday night (also known as BOOTY CALL in the West). This indicates that the caller is a guy. That’s true. My girlfriends call me all the time. If my male friends were smart – they would too. Then – duuuuuuh – they wouldn’t be so transparent and might actually GET a little.

Yes, idiot, I see through you. Tu es SO OBVIOUS.

“I want to be your friend – your real friend.” Do you know what this means to me? “Real friend” (at least by my standards) equates to someone who I can count on: emotionally, spiritually, fundamentally. If I need to talk, he/she picks up the phone. If I need to vent about how rotten or wonderful my day was, I can call him/her. My friends want to see me and I want to see them. It is called companionship. What friendship does NOT mean to me is “I’ll call you when I’m not busy.” That just means that I’m a time-filler between more important things to do. I’m not a time filler. I’m worth way more than that. Get a phucking life and join a club of some kind if you are trying to fill time. I’m not that girl.

Gosh, I must be really entertaining, right?

I had a guy who was “after me” for close to a year. I kept blowing him off. He gave up for a while and then would come back for more. I'd see him on the road, at the mall, here and there... (salker?) I finally relented, after one of my girlfriends said, “Well, if he is this tenacious, you should check him out.” So, I gave him a chance and said I would meet him for coffee. Dumbass had the nerve to invite himself to my apartment - insisted on it. He was actually angry when I said no. (This is where I lean over as far as I possibly can and give him what he really wants to see - a picture of my butt. I love MMS. However, half of the idiots can't even figure out what it is - I guess it is rather large and it is usually blurry.... nevermind.)

This is why first cousins shouldn’t procreate. There might be one bad F-ed up gene and BABAM! Cranial birth defect.

Bu Merdas invited all his friends to a big dinner at his place. I am so sick of his shenanigans lately that I am distancing myself to the point of invisibility. He called me the other day (because I refuse to see him these days) and invited me and the girlfriends to his place in Kabd for lunch. That’s nice, right? Well, dumbass got that far. “Bring your food.” Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat? Bring my own food? What the phuck is that???

Where have all the cowboys gone? What kind of hospitality is that? I count on Kuwaitis for their special brand of Arab hospitality and I’m met with “bring your own food”. I wonder if his mom does that when she invites people over.

He probably doesn’t know the trick where you call Pizza Hut and order 50 pizzas to be delivered to his place….. Does now. I’ll show him “bring your own food”..... You got food now, don't cha?!

Arrogant, stubborn, pig-headed, self-centered mama's boys! I don’t even give most men the time of day anymore. It is all too tedious and it is always the same. Most of them don’t even know how to approach a woman without insulting her.

I met one guy this weekend at a gaada with Hickey and The Romanian. HE impressed me. He smiled, walked up and gave me several very nice (not smarmy or cliche) compliments, and walked away. Aaaaah – ya seee – that’s what I’m talkin’ about: The closer. If you are going to pitch yourself, know the right way. Its all about sales & marketing: He didn’t insult me. I didn’t feel any gag reflex by way of some overt innuendo (I have actually looked guys straight in the eye, leaned over, and made "the puking noise" before). No, dude did exactly what he was supposed to do and it worked! He totally got my attention. He wasn’t even particularly handsome and I hadn’t even given him a second look before he came over. He just said something about how he thought I had a nice smile and that he could tell I had a good heart – and he said it in a sincere tone.

Men – learn from this. Sincerity and a little kindness go a long way. No need to try to impress a girl with superficiality; most of us have seen it all before. Je ne giveashitpas about your fancy (weekend rental) car or your (fakeass) Rolex. We just want someone to be nice to us. Oh yeah, and food helps.

8 comments:

3baid said...

Your friends are weird.

Sorry but I'm not sharing my chocolate! :O

Angela said...

If I had your snail mail address, Desert Girl, there would be five lbs of chocolate on its way to you. Sorry about your recent frustration with the mens. It comes in unpredictable waves, no?
I think you should write the female version of "He's Just Not That Into You." Because you rock.

Bojacob said...

Neither am I sharing my Big Mac! I'm thin enough already.

q8teacher said...

Sadly, I have experienced the same sort of treatment with guys here. They want a friendship --- how and when it suits them --- but weren't available to support me when I needed them.

When will guys realize that we totally see through the late-night booty calls??!!

I used to be choosy about guys. Now, I realize that kindness and manners can go a long way. Be nice, be a gentleman, be sincere --- and get the girl.

DG, I still cant believe that dude told you to being your own food! Oh hell no ---that would be the last time, he ever heard from me. How un-Kuwaiti. Although his momma would be horrified that he even had a girl friend, she would be equally mortified to know that he told his guests to provide their own lunch at HIS place! The nerve!

q8teacher said...

Sadly, I have experienced the same sort of treatment with guys here. They want a friendship --- how and when it suits them --- but weren't available to support me when I needed them.

When will guys realize that we totally see through the late-night booty calls??!!

I used to be choosy about guys. Now, I realize that kindness and manners can go a long way. Be nice, be a gentleman, be sincere --- and get the girl.

DG, I still cant believe that dude told you to being your own food! Oh hell no ---that would be the last time, he ever heard from me. How un-Kuwaiti. Although his momma would be horrified that he even had a girl friend, she would be equally mortified to know that he told his guests to provide their own lunch at HIS place! The nerve!

MikeD said...

Uh - I saw an excellent title recently - hotm@le - which in a word kinda sums up the male/men/technology/ego in one word lol.
Yeah - I'm a guy, and posting the 'ell out of your blog only cause my Q8 expat crowd on SoSaq8 keep on binning my posts / threads.
I won't ask where all your REAL male friends are - but, I will go so far as to mention that no matter how many bad gender experiences you have, you know you will never stop trying/hoping/dreaming! You simply have to - else it's a dreary life blogging from the confines of an airconditioned island - sans coconuts & ape sunday ..

Anonymous said...

I get only 150 kd without any fooding allowance shall i grab this job opportunity bcoz i want to know how much will it cost for fooding in aone month if i cook at home or if i dont cook at home. reply me in both .. thanks.

Desert Girl said...

Anonymous 5:15 - Unless you are going to work as a housemaid or a driver, 150KD a month is NOT an "opportunity" with or without a food allowance.