Sunday, February 02, 2014

Doubts Over Mixed Marriages Article

So I got pissed off enough to write a letter to the editor after reading this story.  I don't know if it will be published in the Kuwait Times or not.  We'll see.  Her full story is here:

Dear Editor:

Muna Al-Fuzai has written a second article on her perspective on "mixed marriages". The first article appeared approximately one year ago. She seems fascinated by the subject, although married to a Kuwaiti of the same religion.

From Ms. Al-Fuzai's tone, it sounds almost as if her husband has either married another woman or has considered it; leading her to jealousy or petty speculation. Perhaps the object of his eye is blonde with blue eyes as she seems to point towards this with the statement of, "...fulfils their fantasies of getting married to a Western woman with blue eyes and blonde hair..."  (as if there are not hundreds if not thousands of single or divorced Kuwaiti women with dyed blonde hair and blue contact lenses.)   

She goes on to say that, "According to some sources (and she does not name the "sources" revealing a lack of journalistic integrity), these woman are most likely homeless back home and broke.  So they use Islam to solve their personal troubles."  Wow.  Fascinating.  I know of not even one Western woman (blonde or otherwise) who has ever come to Kuwait "homeless or broke."  They have usually come here for work of some kind and have the means to move around the globe freely (financially and otherwise).  And none of the Western women I have ever met during my twenty years in Kuwait have ever married for any reason other than love and respect.

As she is a Muslim woman, I question why she is questioning.  "The increase of such marriages has more negative outputs than good, and yet we are still watching these cases with no one trying to seek the root of the problem..." To which I say, Ms. Al-Fuzai, read the Holy Quran!  It has been written and it has not been changed.  

"The fact that these women accept to stand in line with other women shows how desperate they are...."  and  "... especially if each party has his or her own agenda to hook themselves to a stranger in a serious bond like marriage." Isn't the divorce rate among Kuwaitis (of the same religion, often through arranged marriages where both parties are basically "hooking themselves to a stranger) over 50%?  Shame on you, Ms. Al-Fuzai, to stand in judgement of your own sisters and your own religion!  

Just for the record, the male Kuwaitis I have spoken to do not want to divorce because of their children.  So perhaps Ms. Al-Fuzai should write an informative article on the need for upgrading family law in the country to allow for better custody rights for fathers.

- - - End - - -

I  find it hard to believe that for many years, Ms. Al-Fuzai was Secretary of the AMERICAN Business Council of Kuwait.  Now that she is no longer in her salaried position, representing AMERICAN interests in Kuwait, she can voice her obvious contempt for Western women.  I wonder how it must have been for her to see Western women with Kuwaiti men during her tenure,  and having had to keep her true feelings hidden so that she could conduct business.  What a heavy burden to carry all that time!

On another note:    I always think that if you're not happy in a marriage, your children are going to suffer.  If  you stay together; they learn that it is ok to be unhappy in marriage.  If you divorce, they suffer because they may not receive the support of both parents.   Either way - not a good thing.  I am the product of a happy divorce.  I believe my parents were much better off away from each other, although my parents were always civil to each other and shared  visitation rights.  They never spoke ill of each other in front of us.  Life is too short to be unhappy.  People are not chained to each other.  And if either party (man or woman) is not happy at home, chances are that they are seeking happiness elsewhere.


Anonymous said...
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Desert Girl said...

Anonymous who wrote in to tell me about the 40 votes the author received in her bid to Parliament: thank you. The other information was too personal to post as it might get me in trouble. I heard that story, however and got a good giggle. What's good for the gander also seems to apply to the goose, n'est pas (although not blonde with blue eyes, still a homeboy none the less...)

AG said...

I read that article this morning and was absolutely livid and also posted about it. Shame on her for making such opinionated, judgmental statements. Clearly she needs to revisit Journalism 101.

Expat and the City said...

Geaux DG! I would love to write what entered my mind when I read the article but I'll just behave for now.

Anonymous said...

Read the first line, maybe this was her source? Also, I did meet an American woman who had 3 children who was homeless in the U.S. and met her Kuwaiti husband through the internet and came to Kuwait, although that was a number of years ago. Also, I have met Kuwaitis who have married 'mail order brides', maybe they are going for Americans because they want passports now? I also remember an article in the Arab Times a few years ago about an American woman who met her husband over the internet as a muslim convert and was locked in an apartment in Kuwait and she was seeking assistance to get out, but the article did not say she was homeless before she came to Kuwait? Many American women blindly go into relationships with Kuwaitis and in retrospect wish they never went there. If I was homeless and wanted a GCC husband, I definately would be shooting for a Dubai husband, not one from Kuwait, but maybe all these mail order brides think that all GCC men are rich which is an untrue stereotype? I certainly feel that both being adults entered this type of relationship on their own choosing, and a message to all, don't go to the Embassy here, they will not assist you in anyway. The teacher, that had a travel ban on her a few years ago, had to publically embarrass them to help her, but at least they got her out in the end? I don't need to tell you about the horror stories in Kuwait with American women and Kuwaiti men, I am sure you have heard it all, but like in every country some people may have clear cut agenda's when entering a marriage relationship.

Anonymous said...

As a westerner married to a Kuwaiti.. I too had a good chuckle when reading the article! I don't know any westerners that married to a Kuwaiti to free them from! In fact, like me most were unaware of the lifestyle here and really had no concept of what Kuwait was really like! ( other then the pre conceived notions that it was a desert were people ride camels and live in tents) general stereotype, yes! But all to common at home. Most of us met our husbands at university, so being broke and homeless is far.. Very far from the truth! Also only a few of the women I know have even changed to Islam, like me they carry on their religious beliefs, raising children with an open mind open religions but yet knowing very they are Muslim! No they r not confused, they know what they are and are often educating friends on the stereotypes of Christianity ! They have the best of both worlds!! I'm wondering where the author got her "sources" as they seem very outdated and in fact perhaps from movies as opposed to real life!!

Anonymous said...

Kuwaiti Banker:

Just a small note on the subject ,
When a kuwaiti guy meets an American girl in University its usually her parents who are broke and almost homeless trying to pay for her college education while she is partying the college years away without a care in the world.

Desert Girl said...

Kuwaiti Banker - Hey, strippers make good money!!!

Desert Girl said...

What really angers me is that Ms. Al-Fuzai was Secretary of the AMERICAN Business Council for YEARS. She competed for her position there with an extremely qualified AMERICAN candidate who would have made a much better choice. Instead, they selected someone who now (that she no longer works there) can voice her opinion loud and clear of how she holds Western women in contempt. While holding her tenure with ABC, there were rumors of impropriety (and I won't go into details because they were just that - rumors).

Anonymous said...

Journalism 101: Generalizations & exaggerations are no-nos.
She is no stranger to sentionalized articles though. The question is, what editor would approve such a piece?
Sure it's here column but it doesn't mean she shouldn't write responsibly.

Anonymous said...

mona was retained by american business council as a CONSULTANT......mark that down as something that makes you go hhhhhhhmmmmm

Desert Girl said...

Dear Anonymous 6:52 -

I had sex with your husband. Yes yes, we are both desperate. It was desperately hot, mixed sex. He was desperate to talk about why he didn't want to be with you and how you spend all your time trying to belittle and be unkind to others. Ergo, the hot desperate sex. With your husband. Did I mention that?

Girlfriend please! If you don't like what I have to say, no one is holding a gun to your head and making you read my blog. As you said - no one is ever going to marry me because I'm desperate and I'm old. (So in the meantime, I'll just keep having sex with your husband.) Et tu? You are pathetic, unhealthy, and sad. I pity you.


Would one of you haters please come up with something more original. "you're desperate" is just getting... well... OLD.

Expat and the City said...

Sounds like they're jealous of you and your fabulous #1 blog. I will speak for 99% of the people that read this blog: You are loved, adored and we appreciate your amazing sense of humor and wit. You are Desert Girl and they're just pathetic blog bully stalkers. So keep that pretty head up because we love & support you! :***

Aneesa Price said...

Ditto what Expat and the City said. Ur blog rocks, Dessert Girl! It has saved my sanity often since moving here 5 months ago. Don't worry about dusch-haters... they can go read another blog.
btw - I come from South Africa and I'm olive-skinned and folk here think I'm Philapino, Asian or Indian... they're not too familiar with folk with mixed heritages (I'm technically termed Colored in South Africa - think New Orleans 1800s mulato). I love my mixed heritage though and it tickles me pink that folk here don't know of such a thing. it is not Kuwaitis that think so ... it is all non-Western cultures. I think it is because Folk live in their bubbles according to their nationalities. The Western world is more of a cultural melting pot.
And... a different kind of mix-marriage... my hubby is a South African with a British mom. And when I walk next to my blonde-haired, blue-eyed man... most folk here look at me as though I'm a Phillapino that scored big time by marrying an American or Brit? I get loads of dirty looks from Philapinas too.
The funny thing is that in South africa, which is a fairly new democracy, our marriage is not even an issue now... at first folk thought I was a colored girl that scored a German hubby. *eye roll* Then the more folk begun to mix and fall in love despite previous racial and cultural boundaries, the less mixed heritage was an issue.
That's the issue here for many of the social debacle sin my opinion. Folk tend to stick to their own kind. Why? I don't know. Maybe you do. Frankly, I think it is sad because they're depriving themselves from so much richness that only diversity can bring.
About that woman's comments... stuff her. She's stuck in the dark ages and she is probably living in her own cultural bubble.
I cope with the daily dirty looks by laughing it off... there is no point in getting my knickers in a knot. It is what it is because many folk outside of Western civilization live insular lives. Until they open themselves up to others and new experiences, nothing will change. And frankly, we did make the choice to leave the Western World... even temporarily and we gotta lie in our beds now and respect the sometimes annoying, at times enlightening and often different POVs.

Anonymous said...

"She goes on to say that, 'According to some sources' (and she does not name the "sources" revealing a lack of journalistic integrity)" - My thoughts exactly!
You are writing for a newspaper. It is completely unacceptable to make a statement like "According to some sources." Either name a specific source, or don't act like your information is based on the accounts of more than one unnamed person.

My other concern was, who the hell was her editor and how did they even let this get published? Aside from the ridiculous subject matter, her writing is full of errors!

Good for you for writing that letter.

Anonymous said...

Muna is a small minded kuwaiti. The ones who cannot see byond their faces. Kuwaiti marriages have more holes in them then the kuwaities them selfs! By no means do i mean disrespect. I speak the truth from my eyes and my experinces with these type of people. Such bad talk about the western people yet we can be the most humble and giveing. Here in kuwait they are selfish self absorbed and conceeded and egosenteic. Not very many people will risk their life to help you. Image means more to them then anything. Yet in the western world we help each other and shair are struggles. Sad comming from a muslim country. Islam is such a beautiful and loveing careing joyful religion. Yet their culture make people dout it. Muna's artical is just her opinion. You know what they say about opinions. They are like ass holes! We all have one!

Zakidine said...

I have a question, Can kuwaiti women marry stranger muslim men?

Anonymous said...

but you know, she's got a point in 1 thing: why on earth would a western put up with a non-christian, aka kuwaiti man's BS.. not even if the man had all the money in the world..

Desert Girl said...

Anonymous 10:10 - That was a very prejudiced comment. Why woulld you automatically assume that a Moslem man would give a woman BS? Wouldnt men of any other culture or religion.? Its possible that you geti involved in a bad marriage anywhere - and i can cite a multitude of case studies from the US and other countries. And your second assumption is that all Kuwaiti men have money. Wrong again.