Tuesday, June 04, 2013

Bangin a blog post - BAM

I haven't written in a while because things have been going well and I don't want the Evil Stalkers (not you good/nice stalkers AKA "followers", but the hatahs who only wish people ill) to give me the stink eye. Mashallah, Mashallah, Mashallah - anti-stink-eye, anti-stink-eye.

Why is it that people just can't wish others well?  Why can't we get along? Why can't we jsut look at the other person and say, "Wow!  Isn't that great that he/she has that?  How good for them.  I wish them the best of luck with that."  But, as I have been reminded recently by several Messengers, many people just don't do that and their funky form of negative energy and disenchantment permeates the goodness.  Emotional vampires that suck the positive energy right outa ya.

I say BE GONE!!!  (Hissing noise.)

Sorry, I was out in the 47 degree C temperature today and I'm a little discombobulated.  Which, by the by, I do not understand Metric at all because I believe that if you switch over to Metric, you are just unpatriotic.  I do know, however, that It was hotterThanShitHot today. Oh, I just checked and it is 113 degrees F right now (down from 47C which is 116F - I had to Google it).  When someone said to me in February, "Hey Desert Girl, why are you buying a black car with black interior?  Don't you know that it is going to be really hot in the summer?" I was like (in my usual fashion), 'I don't care.  I want it.'  Em.... I think I get what they were talking about now.  I burnt my backside today at the embassy.  Crispy Critter, I am.  (US Embassy - why can't you invest in covered parking for visitors?  Dudes!) 

I didn't want to buy a leather sofa in Kuwait and I should have remembered my reasoning (although not quite the same) when I bought the car.  Have you ever tried to get up off a leather sofa when your neked and it is hotterThanShitHot?  Yeah, then you would understand...

So anyhoo, back to my story....

I've also not been blog-abouting lately because I've been (get this shit) BUSY lately.  I know... right? Me. 

We moved our office from Disease (Dhajeej) to a huge, glass highrise building downtown.  At first, the thought scared the bejezus out of me, but then we moved in and the views are so amazing and it is so high-class that I'm not even sweating the fact that we have no evacuation plan or fire emergency plan and that having had previously worked for a "construction" company, I know that the rules can be bent a bit (as well as the walls, the plans, etc.) in Kuwait.  (Code?  We don't need no stinkin CODE!)    Noooo, but it is just really pretty....   (blonde!)   Now I'm up here singin the song to The Jeffersons ("We're movin on up....") and looking out at Gotham City.  It's faaaaaabulous.

I hated working in Disease.  If  you ever want to work somewhere where you can't walk to your car (even if you have underground parking) without men staring at your butt (yes, even if you are a man); move your office to Disease.  And just getting there is FUN!  I mean, 6th Ring Road is just a treat in the morning with all the trucks and little cars that, not unlike little dogs, are much more aggressive and think that they are bigger.


So, I am changing "A"s name on the blog to "Mr. Clean."  That's what I call him at home anyways.  He can wash a fork 5 times before eating off it (whereas I can just pick one up off the floor, brush it off, and move on).  He's also got the most impeccable table manners of anyone on this continent.  I get the feeling that he might not "enjoy" my table manners so much.... I get The Look. 

MC's got me into Habits like buying Comfort so the towels smell good.  Habits - I tellya!  What's that all about?  Plus, I am doing stuff like (I'm not proud of this).... baking, cooking meals, shopping for him.  WTF!  Me?  Bake?  Unheard of.  Well ok, I think I may have done that before during The Honeymoon Period.  Maybe that's jsut what this is.  Dunno.  Why is it that 99.9% of Arabs believe that all American women bake?  Is it all our commercials on OSN and all the cooking shows?  Yeah, most of us can bake - out of a BOX.  My friend, Naz, and his family thought for years that I made the Best Brownies in the World. That's right.  I did.  With Ms. Crocker's help. 

Did you know that Sultan Center sells both brownie AND cupcake mixes that come in a shake-and-pour container?  Holy SNAP!  Alls you have to do is add water, shake, and bake.  I tried the brownies - not so good, but they'll do in an Emergency.

MC's mom is sending me covered dishes, so I feel that I should reciprocate and send her baked goods.  It all started when I went to have lunch at their house (MASHALLAH) with the fam and I ate so much that it hurt and then I was craving some more of their food by 11:00 at night and there was none.  I complained to MC and bada BING - covered dishes appeared!  Who KNEW!

Let me get away from the issue of food for a moment because I'm hungry and Johnny Rockets and their milkshakes are in very close proximity and I could be tempted by my djinnis....

My friends who had their farm confiscated a few weeks ago have just found a place up in The Kingdom of Kabd and I'll be back on track with Group Therapy soon.  Mr. Clean doesn't like Kabd, but he'll go for me.  He likes the Group.  Group likes him.  Besides, Kabd is where you find the best watermellons.  (Even though I have found some really really good ones lately in Rumaithiya MASHALLAH). 

Sorry, but I'm feelin the stankeye and I'm going to keep MASHALLAH-ing until I feel it no more.  (Bitch please!!!)


Stella and her Fella stayed with me for a few days and it felt like being home with family.  I love having them around.  Some people are just positive and easy to be with.  Happy happy.

(Back to food) While they were here, I ate junk food like a mofo and I thoroughly regret it now.  My mother called the other night and said, "What's that noise?"  I said, 'Oh, I'm eating chips.'  and she said (sucking in the air in exasperation), "I THOUGHT you were OFF the chips!" (Like being "off the pipe.)  Yeah, I had a relapse.  Someone call Betty Ford!  It was a small bag of the Chips of My Demise:   Doritos Spicy Sweet Chili Flavored Tortilla Chips.  Someday, they'll find me dead with a Johnny Rockets' Orange Creamsicle milkshake in one hand and a bag of those chili chips in the other.  Then my mother will say, "I tried to get her off the chip...."

You think that I'm crazy? - Get this, my dog has doggy alzheimers (dogzheimers).  She gets confused.  She tries to bite me at inappropriate times. She growls when I go to give her a hug.  (Or perhaps.... I just annoy her?)  She's so mean.  One of my friends came over a while back and said, "Why don't you sell her and get a younger dog?"  WTF!  Why don't you sell one of your kids and get a younger one?  What would happen to Desert Dawg?  She's almost 17.  Who would want her bony, mean doggy butt?  That's a horrible thing to say.  To SOME of us, pets are for life and are family members.  I worry about her.  She's still my baby.\

So... a long weekend coming up.  Whatchall doin?


Expat and the City said...

It's about damn time! LOOOL @ the post.

GiNgEr PrInCe said...

Omg I loved the "Why don't you sell her and get a younger dog?"- lol

Anonymous said...

I would suggest adding a tiny bit of aniracetam or other racetam to her food and see if that helps. xx