Tuesday, April 02, 2013

BFF



I haven't been posting a lot lately because I've been trying to kick back and evaluate what's been going on in my world.  I also have had to take a few steps back from the picture so as not to be completely negative about it, place blame, or point fingers - because honestly, that's not what it's all about.  It just is what it is.  ( I have had to fight a seemingly-overwhelming desire to post negative passive-aggressive images and comments, but I did and I hope I have taken the higher ground.)

I have been blessed in my life.  I try to find blessings (signs too) in everything I do. I believe that we are all guided by a Higher Force.  I believe in God.  I’ve been receiving a lot of signs lately – some overt and some the kind that sneak up on you when you least expect them, in ways that you couldn’t have imagined.

People change.  Not all your friendships or associations will last.  Even relationships and marriages come and go.  Nothing is forever, but some things last longer than others. 

My BFF of 16 years, The Romanian, and I just had a major falling out.  BFF means Best Friend Forever, however, how long can that really the case?  If a friendship was meant to endure forever, the phrase wouldn’t have been developed by a teenager, but more likely someone of old age.   During the past 16 years, The Romanian and I have  had a lot of ups and downs.  We have learned to forgive each other when we have had problems, and we have moved past things to find a deeper friendship.  But again, people change and move in different directions;  what was true years ago may not be the case now.

I have had friends for 30 years or more.  I value, maintain, and even fight to keep friendships together.  Some friends and I can catch up after years apart as if nothing ever happened.  But – these are friends that I don’t see or talk to every day. They don’t know intimate details of my life like The Romanian does.  With "friends at a distance," there is less reason to judge or to be judged; less information.    I’ve heard the phrase, “Never get too close to people.”  This is a valid point.  Impractical, I think, but valid.

This winter, The Romanian and I lived in the desert with guys we were dating:  cousins who were best friends. (You know this from previous posts.)  It wasn’t without drama – like it would be in a family.  We had arguments, got back together, had more arguments, got back together.  Now the group is effectively apart.  I’m not talking to Desert Guy.  His cousin, Teddy, and I became close friends (for a while - see post below) -- which eventually caused the rift between the Romanian and I.  Our peripheral camp “family members” and I have nothing in common; no glue to keep us together.  Like a scene from some summer romance movie with all the lovers, friends and acquaintances going back to reality at the end of the season; it became my own reality.  However, I always assumed that my friendship with my best friend would endure through anything, but perhaps we just got too close during this final scene.  Maybe it is just time to put some distance in between and see what will happen in the future. 

Spring is a time of renewal and rebirth. Quality of life has become my priority.  Sweeping out negative to make room for positive.  Reflection followed by positive action.  Letting go where I have to in order to let in where I can.

I am always grateful for my blessings.   I make friends easily, I’m always busy, and I know that there are indeed a few things that are constant in life:  strength of character, resilience, and the ability to adapt to change.  Maybe this change is giving way to something new for both of us.  Like all my friends, I wish my (former?) BFF the very best.

10 comments:

Traveler said...

Rebirth and taking stock of where you are always good things. I wish you luck and love with that.

NYC Expat said...

Say it ain't so...

Sad to hear, but change is the only real constant in our lives.

Anonymous said...

Funny enough I too have been in a completly similar situation recently (Past few months)
I have tried to seek friendship and perhaps maybe support from people. They assume all I want is Sex,but the way I felt they need not have worried their pretty little heads.
They are/were just too busy with themeslves.

Suppose thats just life ....
We should all be kinder to each other, but it seems we just are not.

Expat and the City said...

Sorry to read this DG. I'm sure in time you will be BFFs again. I can sort of relate to your situation. I was at the salon and found out that my BFF who was so close to me that she called me her little sister was in Kuwait again and didn't even call me. She took a job in another country and it's as if I don't exist anymore. I haven't seen her in more than a year and she pops over to Kuwait without even a call.It really hurt my feelings. :(

Desert Girl said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Sad to hear that, hope things get better soon.

Anonymous said...

I’ve heard the saying “he or she was a witness to my life” and that is the best way to explain a friendship like that. There can only be one, if you’re lucky two, people in your life at any given point that you share that kind of trust with. It's just not that common to find someone to keep your secrets, laugh at and with your non sense, admire and look up to you, and keep you locked on when you’re f%$^& up. You wouldn't think it would be that damn rare.

I too lost the connection with a close friend of over 10 years about a year ago. She knew 'ME'. I could be myself with her and that is priceless. I still don't know what happened, although I’m pretty sure it was some bullshit I said or did because she was a way better person that I could have ever been on my best day.

It is a strange feeling when that happens. It's as if a piece of you has detached. It felt like a break up. I suppose it is. I did (do) love her dearly. She was that witness to all my life's dramas (good and bad). UGH...I feel for you right now and totally get it.

Desert Girl said...

Anonymous 5:17 - that is a nice way to put it. I think that shared history with a friend (or anyone) is very important.

Anonymous said...

I have no friends, not one. I used to have many friends here in Kuwait and because of stupid petty fighting we all just stopped being friends and then me and my family left for five years. I have been back for 11 years and Now I really don't feel like I want friends UNTIL I see a group of girls (American ,of course)) laughing, gossiping etc. and then for an instance I want friends again, friends like that anyway. I am always SHOCKED to hear or read about people keeping friendships for years and years, it is just unknown to me, completely alien in my universe.

5hapimonkeys said...

Sorry to read this DG. I too know how it feels to lose a BFF. Its strange when the only person who knows you, in and out, becomes a stranger. But things happen for a reason, at least thats what everyone keeps telling me :D

It hurts and I still miss the friendship we had. People change, priorities change, but we never forget those who were once important to us.

Its Spring and its time for new beginnings, new adventures. I wish you only the best. Have a blessed and happy birthday.

"spread your wings my little butterfly" :D