Tuesday, February 07, 2012

Are you doing Who you love?

Et now, for a follow up to my “Are you doing what you love?” post…. 

Are you doing who you love?

I ask this question because a very close friend of mine is in love with her male best friend.  He knows it.  She isn’t shy about telling him.  However, every now and then he insists that they are just friends while admitting that he loves her…. “as a friend”.  She’s having a major dilemma because she doesn’t want to lose him (they’re very close and talk to each other every day), but it is getting more and more difficult for her to be around him “as a friend” when she wants more.  She’s seeing feelings where maybe there aren’t any; maybe he’s sending mixed signals, maybe he just really doesn’t love her in that way.  How long should she stick it out to find out? For girlfriend, it has been almost a year with him and kind of a "love after first conversation" story.   Isn't it kind of sad to be around someone who seems confused about the way they feel about you?  I feel bad for her.  She's so nice and soooo pretty.

I’ve had plenty of male friends before.  I even fell in love with one and believe me – it was a shock to both of us.  It didn’t work out, but we are still friends now and I don’t regret taking the chance on him (and I think/hope he feels the same way).  If anything, I think it made us so close that really nothing can break the bond we have. No regrets.

So, what do you do?  If you can’t be with the one you love, do you just opt to love the one you’re with?

Je know that after heartbreaks, sometimes people just decide (often in this part of the world) to marry the next person who asks (and otay, if you're not considering marrying the next person; then at least giving him/her a chance).  Heck, I have quite a few Kuwaiti girlfriends (and a few male friends) who have done that.  I don’t know that I would use the term “regret” as what they have later – because they have loving husbands and children with them – but they still think about that one guy who stole their heart.

My Desert Girl advice to my friend is this:  If a man (or woman for that matter) loves you; he loves you;  spiritually, emotionally, physically.   He’ll want it all from you and with you; and he’ll give back as much as he gets in return.  While that includes being best friends, it is only part of the big picture. 

(Oh and younggirls:  if you do have something physical with that "special guy"  and then he dumps you; he was always a pig, never your friend, and you're way better off without him.  You can always tell your friends later that you dumped him because you discovered he has a small penis.  ... no, I'm not talking about you, Paragraph 4 above girlfriend.)


Anonymous said...

Unfortunately, no.

Anonymous said...

I think that your friend needs to stop waiting for this guy. If he says they are just friends he probably means it because if he wanted to be with her he would have made it happen by now. It hurts but she will be better in the long run. Hopefully she waits to have another relationship until she falls in love again and that love is returned.

stanjohn said...

Why do girls leave us if we fall in love with another girl which means we didnt actually dump them ? Wish they were broad minded and remain friends with us.They should understand that it didn't work out.