Sunday, February 15, 2009

"Quality" 1-on-1

I met a new friend (and that’s it – friend) for coffee yesterday. I met him in the afternoon, so it wouldn’t be considered a Valentine’s date. It turned out not only to be completely un-romantic, but one of the few occasions where I was actually bored to the point of nodding off. I can usually find some redeeming quality about a person or else I just won’t go out with them at all – why bother. In this case, my friend is great on the phone or in a group of people – full of interesting things to say – but in person 1-on-1, not a whole lot of redeeming qualities – other than the fact he is fun to look at.

“I don’t want to sit outside. People will see us.” Gee, too bad Starfucks doesn’t have cabinas, right? He woulda been leading me by the arm. (Desert Girl don’t do cabinas, by the way. NEVER.)

He hit all the points that are not open for discussion in polite company: Sex, religion, and politics. He moved quickly from a detailed, lengthy discussion on Islam (more of a sermon than a chat – although, ironically, he mentioned that he doesn’t pray) to a quick comment about my breasts (interesting segue). He shunned the Valentine’s menu that was put in front of us, “Valentine’s day is haram.” (also know as “I’m cheap.”). He talked about “our traditions” for 30 minutes without coming up for air (after ogling my breastssssesss). Did you ever consider the traditions of the country where I’m from? (He studied in the UK for many years and sought me out because I’m American. Any relationship is about compromise.) RRRR. He didn’t know who was sitting in front of him? Where do I come from? Ok, if you’re not up for Valentine’s day – big whoop. I don’t care. Don't bring me flowers or candy or a teddy bear - Je ne care pas. Just don’t lecture ME.

This was peppered with comments about how wonderful his family is, “Ask about us, please.” Apparently, they are THE best family in Kuwait (and don’t they know it too).

He did acknowledge that he cheats on his wife (Valentine’s day is “haram” but apparently adultery is not; nor is drinking because he acknowledged that too). The former acknowledgement was revealed when he discussed “his women”. "My girlfriends (as in plural)get mad at me because I'm not romantic (aka cheap). Women like me because I take care of them and give them money. All the women I meet want to marry me.” Sans one, dude. Got my own money and I don’t want you. (Did I forget to mention that we are JUST friends??!)

And on the subject of women…. “All women except for my mother are liars.” (I’m frickin giggling in my chair at this point because what do you do?) I agreed with him in total: ‘Yes, its true. All women are liars. I know I am. God, you’re so smart and you turn me on. Just listening to you makes me want to bite your clothes off. Take me, you handsome stud…’ (He didn’t get it. He thought it was a come-on.)

Some people are totally different when you are having a 1-on-1 conversation with them. Who woulda thunk it?

Ok, so yeah, this shit wasn’t predictable. I give you that.


D said...

Good grief! Sounds like a real winner. I would LOVE to write about my most recent nutjob and his sandpaper like personality -- unfortunately he reads my site. Then again, something tells me his ego is so large he would completely miss that my post was about HIM!

Same thing -- great family, everyone wants him (though he's about 5'4 and not 'cute'), he's been told he should write a book about how good he is sexually (OK, SUCH a turn off), blah blah blah. You get the idea.

Good luck next time! You're weeding out the bad ones so the good one can finally come along!

Desert Girl said...

D - That's so phucking funny. I think that we girls should create a database - maybe in MS Access with photos and forms - and then we can compare notes.

Who told him he should write a book about how good he is sexually - his uncle? :D That's hysterical that someone would even SAY something like that.

Anonymous said...

meh! I've encountered the exact same thing - except he studied at the US.
I didn't keep my thoughts to myself at all, I let him have it. Nut still went on and on until he was like "what am I supposed to do?"

"get a life", that's what i told him. and we parted peacefully. it was sad because he did give a good impression at first, until the 1-on-1 came and saved me.

I second the DB idea.

Emily said...

DG, you always manage to brighten my day and D's future novelist (I'm assuming he'll be fiction/fantasy) is just the cherry on top.

Purgatory said...

so the first 20 guys in the list were not available, and you ended up with lucky number 21 ;p?

mentabolism said...

wow...they actually said stuff like that??!!!...
and you had the patience to sit through all that....??!!
YOU must be really nice!

Anonymous said...

Good grief I'll go hide under a rock for twenty years after that spectacle, but seriously men are clueless (including myself for that matter) he was probably just trying to impress you when he rambles on with that stuff as being a hypocrit and self rightous is basically the norm amongst us Kuwaiti guys of normal behaviour.

-Wataniya guy (and too lazy to make a profile :p)

Anonymous said...

hahah! he sounds like a typical prick! and come one u gotta give it to him for using one of his heads to think and talk..hahah im not sure if this comment is decent:) neways hope the rest of your day went ok


Anonymous said...

That is the exact reason my fiance tells me to be friends with every male expat in the country, but to just not even try to be friends with Arab dudes. He knows his own people too well ;b And, oh, yeah, I'm sure he just "happened" to mention that he cheats and has women and is good in bed. I don't know how you keep a straight face sometimes. Finding a guy to just be a guy friend in Kuwait is like finding a needle in Texas.

I think you should seriously start a database. You could make millions of dollars. I would totally subscribe, even if just for the humorous stories aspect of the whole thing. Think about it...Juicy Campus for mimbos.

Thanks again for the advice on veterinary services and moving to Kuwait.


Evil Knievel said...

LOL !!!
Seems like the average Kuwaiti you meet and him giving you the whole run down on how the world works...
I had similar incidents besides the point of him hitting on me ... (or was he and I didn't get it?!)

Elizabeth said...

Hi DG,

Just found out last night that my husband and I are probably moving to Kuwait in the next 3-4 months. (We currently live in Houston, Texas) To say I am in shock is an understatement. Of course I found your blog about 5 minutes after hearing the news and was wondering if I could ask you some girlie questions about living there. If you are willing (please, please) I would prefer to do it via email. I think once I post this comment it will show you my email address in your stats. Thank you in advance.


Stan said...

well ther's another perfect eg of not meetin the right guy..these morons r bein a disgrace 2 d entire male race...nevertheless ..there was some truth in wht the guy told as well..which also means there r shameless girls dumb enough to do what these guys want...

which excludes u girls frm not bein in tht list but does not necessarily mean u can stereotype every guy bein like tht..

Desert Girl said...

Elizabeth - I'm happy to help. I just checked out your site, but didn't see an e-mail address, so just drop me a line at and I'll get right back to you.

q8phone™ said...

girl u r soo funny

Jewaira said...

Desert Girl
Darrrrling...surely you must know that it is a cultural thing the way the man is behaving and you did not behave in the way a compatriot would and that is to put him in his place immediately with a few succinct phrases and a haughty look.

I bet you stuck it out just to blog about it :P LOL

Anonymous said...

Hi everyone,

Does anybody here wants to write something about KFC kuwait?