Sunday, February 01, 2009

"The Diarrhea Song"


I have a new song stuck in my head - the Diarrhea Song. There are several versions of it, but the theme is the same. I think that it is going to become my new 2009 Theme Song. Yes that's right... diarrhea, diarrhea. (Lyrics).

I got the Kuwaiti Crud; the sickness that is unavoidable around any season changes in Kuwait. I was out of work on Thursday and just as well - I needed a rest. I slept most of the time.

I went out once on Friday night to go to the desert. I had never been to this camp before. My friend, N, invited me on a whim. I had been in bed for 2 days, so I thought, ‘what the hey.’ ...Big mistake. I shoulda listened to my little voice.

I drove for 40 minutes, got there and sat down and then The Film began: 4 of us (it was early) were sitting in a tent that had a transparent plastic front. We could see whenever anyone approached the camp. A small car drove up at high speed and before it even stopped, a young Kuwaiti woman jumped out and marched up to the tent, screaming, "Where is he? Where is the sonofabitch?" She ran into the tent and accused my friend and I of being "indecent women" in not so uncertain terms. The chick was hysterical. I didn't know what to think. She started screaming about "which one of you slept in my bed with him?" Ok... wooooah nelly. I literally was there for all of 15 minutes. Turns out, dude was the one under a pile of blankets, fast asleep, at the other end of the tent. She jumped on him, started beating him about the face, and all the while shrieking about what an (expletive, expletive, expletive) he was. My friend, N, and I had our jaws on the floor. People started coming from other tents to try to pull her off of him. Dude stood up and started beating her up and saying that he was going to call her husband. She was crying, shrieking like a banshee and wailing at the top of her lungs like someone had died. It was really quite heart-wrenching. If she hadn’t just called me a whore for no reason, I would have felt sorry for her.


Shiiiiiit – no man (no one for that matter) is worth doing that to yourself. Why make a scandal? Someone like me might write about it on a blog or worse. If I had been smart, I would have taken a video of the whole thing with my phone.

Turns out, both of the characters in our film are married with children to other people, but have been seeing each other for the past 18 years. WHY do people do these things to each other? Dude was guilty as charged, but hey – didn’t she stop to consider the fact that if he is cheating on his wife, he is cheating on her (and vice versa)? Puhleeeeeze.

Sidenote: Incase you don't know, adultery/cheating is very common roundabout these parts. Monogamy is not part of the deal. There are historical reasons for this and it continues. If you are thinking of getting married, get used to the idea of a non-exclusive arrangement. Someday, somehow, someway - it is inevitable and it is only grounds for divorce if the wife is the adultress. Sadly, it is all a big game here and those you think are least likely to be playing, ARE. A spouse can only pray that his/her partner is practicing safe adultry (although that is not the norm). AIDS/HIV stats are not even available. Again, call me a bitter woman, but these eyes are wide open. I'm a realist, but I digress don't I? Back to our film...

Girlfriend went on and on (and this is all without alcohol – apparently she has never had a drink; which is yet another reason why I do drink because it helps keep me sane). I thought they should have taken her somewhere to be sedated (after a few minutes, she was writhing on the floor and had gone through 2 bottles of water and 3 bottles of kleenex), but wouldn’t ya knowit; 10 minutes later, she was speaking calmly in a normal tone. Why isn’t there an acting school in Kuwait? OH YEAH… I forget… because there is no NEED for one.

Somebody call a WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAmbulance!


I left. I’m all about avoiding the drama and there I was – smack dab in the middle of the biggest film I’ve witnessed since I came here in 1996. I drove the 40 minutes back and went back to bed – where I stayed for the next day. It’s safer in bed.

Oh, for those who were wondering about the saga between my “best friend” and I: She sent several messages saying that she “misses me”, followed by several more asking for “a favor”: Musla7a at its very best. I sent her messages saying that I am open for her to come and talk, but so far – she hasn’t shown up.

... diarrhea, diarrhea

11 comments:

Jewaira said...

Real life drama.

Wow.

Why do people do that to themselves? Good question indeed.

18 yrs is a long time..hardly a young woman.

Desert Girl said...

She's married - has children - and from what I heard is from "a good family". Why would you want to look like a total mental case in front of anyone - including complete strangers? Talk about "fatal attraction" - OMG! Suppose I see her at the mall or someone I know knows her? Doesn't she care?

D said...

If I didn't know better I would swear I know this chick.

Similar situation happened to me at a camp in Mutla last winter. Niqabi came in (husband was in Saudi for studies, 3 daughters were home with the housegirl, and SHE was supposed to be in her university classes), grabbed her boyfriend's phone as he was sleeping, found other women's numbers in it, started stomping her feet and screaming like a CHILD! He woke up as though he had been nearly scared to death by the screaming, but then started laughing at her, refusing to take her home (no clue how she even got there), and told one of the other guys to take her. Talk about NO respect for her. She screamed, cried, swore she said his name while in bed with her husband (Um, yeah, right!), and said he was the only man she has ever loved. He continued to laugh in her face, she continued to stomp her feet and scream. I continued to wonder what the hell these people were smoking and where they were hiding it!

Who has time for all that drama? Like you said...NO ONE is worth all that nonsense!

Desert Girl said...

I don't get it: Do these "women" think that the guy is going to fall at her feet and beg forgiveness? "Oh baby, I just love you for making a public spectacle of me in front of my friends and strangers - it just makes me love you more." NOT! They're just setting themselves up for public humiliation and retaliation. No wonder so many Kuwaiti men don't even want a GIRLFRIEND - let alone a wife! Who would ever respect someone who has so little self-respect and self-esteem? If you don't trust him - CUT HIM LOOSE! And that goes for husbands too - CUT HIM LOOSE. Love comes and goes; trust does not.

D said...

I've always had this theory -- women want to be needed, men need to be wanted.

As a woman, we love to feel as though we can "fix" the problem, or make someone feel better, or solve all the world's issues with our love and compassion.

Men, on the other hand, couldn't really care less about all that as long as some woman is stroking his ego (amongst other things), and making him feel like the most desirable man on earth. Once that responsibility of actually having to take her feelings, wants, needs, and desires into consideration...that deal is OVER.

Unless of course he's mature and on the same level of relationship seeking that she is. Where these men are located is still classified information which has yet to be released to the general public.

intlxpatr said...

Holy Smokes! DG, getting outta there is the smartest thing you could do. I am told sometimes they shoot each other! Or have knives! Like you, I can do without the drama.

It may be cultural. There may be dynamics we just don't get. Some men may love being the object of all that attention, maybe this isn't the first time. . .. 18 years is a long time to be together when there is no commitment.

Hope you are feeling better. Hope you and your best friend work things out.

Anonymous said...

Hi DG,
I just want to say that while I agree that there is a lot of crap that goes on in Kuwaiti society, not everybody is like that. I say that as a "normal" (relatively speaking lol) Kuwaiti girl who has partied, etc (with some limits that I never crossed), studied abroad, and had interactions with other Kuwaitis like myself. The thing is the decent ones will do that while they are single to the hilt, but a lot of people stop when they are married. Now I'm not naive, I know that a lot of men and women not only cheat, but engage in a lot of dodgy behavior here. But there are ones who give that up and stop making those rounds. They change their social surroundings, and don't put themselves in those same environments anymore. I only wanted to say this because I wanted to give another side to Kuwaiti society, one where normal/decent married (and single) people do exist too. Love reading your blog btw.

Marysky said...

Oh my god!Wow!!! Why did she do that??? That is crazy, a mean this is common sense, if he is doing it to his wife with her , it is obvious that he will do it to her as well. Some chicks don't think right! I agree with you when it comes to HIV/AIDS ,you have to be down to earth to do stuff like that!......About your friend I knew she was going to apologize , I am sure she will come up to you and talk about it soon :)

Desert Girl said...

Anonymous - Thanks for your comments and insights. I have heard that there are decent folk out there, but like the fabled unicorn, I personally haven't come across many; and when I do, it seems that I am always disappointed to find out "secrets" later. I should make this a broader statement; however, and say that I haven't seen a lot of marriages anywhere that are 100% monogamous. But, that is my personal experience and maybe I just have "one of those faces" whereby people think it is "ok" to tell me things I would prefer not to know.

I've also met a LOT of people who have supposedly "given up that kind of behavior" as soon as they get married, only to be back at it in 18-24 months. I don't believe leopards are capable of changing their spots....

D said...

Wow, 18-24 months? You know some GOOD people! I have a friend who was married less than 45 days ago and has already called with the "We should hang out one day when I get off work." Though we have been strictly friends with no physical interaction for years, he's suddenly not only willing to cheat on his wife, but has even gained the confidence (or desperation) to think he's going to cheat with me.

And no...the phone call was not "misunderstood" whatsoever! You know what I'm talking about -- that tone of flirting, the heavier than usual accent, deeper yet softer voice, you can almost hear him over there batting those big brown camel eyes at you. Eh, that and the fact we've played the "flirting game" for years, so I am familiar with his technique.

However, my morals and belief in karma kick in and I remind him he's married -- though I fail to tell him he's become so much more desirable since the wedding.

Ugh, I am sick, sick, sick!

NoOoNa said...

Hi DG,

I have to say that you remind me of myself, I'm too a confused none Kuwaiti, borne and raised in Kuwait, I can't defend Kuwait and Kuwaitis, but still can't say that they all are players and Helag, I have Kuwaiti frnds who are really nice and sophisticated and I have frnds who are just like what you described.

In short, this is Kuwait can't hate it, can't love it.