So here's the thing: Clean dumped me. Anything is fair game after all the awful, unkind things he said and did to me. I can do whatever I want/see whoever I want. I know that. But.... the stupid-lame-pathetic-girl side of me (label it whatever) still says, 'He's testing you. He wants to go out in the world and make a better life for both of you and he'll be back and everything will be just as it should have been. Be careful now what you do and who you see.'
I know - phuck that, right?
But it's what I do. I don't want anyone to blame me. I don't want to do anything wrong. Even after all the shitty things the guy has done to me, I am still considering HIS feelings above my own. I'm an EFNJ personality and I hate it sometimes. (Being a guy and having an EFNJ woman is really cool for the guy by the way.)
I did it with The Man. I did it with Desert Guy. Perhaps there is an appropriate waiting period before you jump into something else with someone else. Yet again, perhaps there isn't and you should just do whatever happens next.
It took me almost 2 years to recover from The Man. I was an emotional wreck; regardless of what I let on to other people. With Desert Guy, I didn't have the same feelings because it was a platonic relationship (yes, I shit-you-not). Months of nights spent together alone in a tent - talking. Maybe he just wasn't that into me (but I could tell that he was and I always knew that he loved me); maybe he was tired of that kind of girl and wanted to get to know someone who just wanted him for himself/who he is. Whatever.
I had a 2-year platonic relationship with my x-fiance too. That's why we were so solid; we knew each other in a totally different way. However, if you're platonic, you don't have the emotional bonds that you would in an intimate relationship. Its kind of the glue that cements your love. Without it, it becomes much easier to walk away and rebound (at least for a woman, I think, as we tie a lot more emotions to intimacy than I think the average guy does).
Anyways, with The Man and Clean, both were intense and passionate relationships; the kind that I have a hard time recovering from. They were also serious to the point of marriage and both-sides family involvement (as was my engagement also - too much so, actually).
So having said that... the leftovers part.....
I have been spending time with Desert Guy. As friends. He has been incredibly endearing and kind lately. I think he can tell I'm hurting over something, but he is not the type of guy to ask (unless it is somehow gently brought into conversation and only then to lead me to talk about it if I want).
Our birthdays are the 16th and 17th of April. We are both Aries. We are both hot-headed, stubborn, and a little controlling. We fell into that pattern in our previous relationship.
I am, for all practical purposes, in love with someone else now (although he's gone). I'm not in love with Desert Guy anymore. I love him, but I'm not in love with him. It's just really comfortable - and it probably is because I'm not in any emotional danger with him at the moment.
When we were together before, he told me (and friends) that he thought I was "the one". BS or no BS, all the signs are there. He's not the same person he was 8 months ago; neither am I. He's no longer on his phone all the time (if anything, I've tried to curb my chatting while I'm with him - I've turned into the violator). From the amount of time I have spent with him (which has been a LOT lately), there is no one else on the scene. Maybe it is just a slow time for him in the world of dating, I don't know, but it is good so far.
DGY has been OTT respectful to me lately and so have all his friends. You know your significant other is into you when his best friends are into you. I've got 'em. (Like SJP in "Failure to Launch" who won Tripp's friends over during a paintball match. When she had the "look of approval" she knew she was IN.)
He's taking me to get my car fixed. He's lending me his car...
Oh, he lent me his Dodge Ram pick up. Now, women in Kuwait rarely rarely drive pick-up trucks. It isn't done. I think I've seen ONE woman in 17 years driving one. And a blonde driving one - unheard of. I'm LOVIN it. I don't know if I'll ever give it back. So much fun! (Mashallah)
Anyhoo, I'm comfortable for right now. I'm happy (Mashallah). I feel better about everything having some male attention from someone that I feel-in-me-bones cares about me. And cares about me not for any reason. He's got what he needs and more. He doesn't need anything from me. Nothing physical or material. And, from everything he is saying and doing; he wants to take care of me, which is something that a man hasn't done for me in a loooooong time.