Sunday, March 24, 2013

Serseree



Serseree in the local dialect means a womanizer (macdaddy, player, etc.).  I have a friend who is one and he’s such a pig that it has actually influenced me to write something on the subject.

Here in Kuwait, “playing the field” is, as a competitive sport, an art form.  Both genders do it; married or not.  Both genders complain that “there is no one good out there.”  I wonder if they would say that if they weren’t out there playing?

“Single” in Kuwait does not necessarily mean “single” as we know it in the Western world.  It may just mean that the married person does not have a girlfriend or boyfriend at the moment.  Wait – it’ll change. 

My serseree friend is dating more women than I can count.  (He tells me the names, but I just can't remember.) He lies to all.  About everything.  He meets women everywhere – even doing the (low-class) phone number exchange in the car.  He and his friend put on national dress (which they normally never wear because they’re either in shorts or jeans); borrow different high-end cars and drive around giving women their phone numbers.  As he says, “You can only make 1 round on the Gulf Road wearing qutara and aghal because it is feshla (a shame).  You get 6 or 7 numbers and go to another street.” 

[Sidenote:  Personally, I’m sick of seeing Kuwaiti men in western attire.  You can’t tell who is who anymore.  I loved the days when they all wore national dress.  But it seems like there are less and less of those guys anymore; unless they’ve just come from a wedding or a funeral – or maybe have had some work at a ministry.  Maybe other women out there feel the same way I do – which is why guys like these can get so many phone numbers wearing national dress and driving hot cars.]

Dude confides in me because he was formerly dating one of my friends (who thought he was being faithful to her) and now I am that girl that he can tell anything to.  Yes I’m judgemental.  Yes I will throw it back at him and tell him how I feel about it.  (Okay, I’m not opposed to punching him when he says something truly repulsive - and Serseree Boy has the bruises to attest to it.)  But still, he feels that he can tell me anything.  I’m semi-okay with that.  It is giving me a unique perspective into the mind of a player.  Do I tell my girlfriend?  Hell to tha yes; but not everything.  I don’t want to hurt her – she’s been through enough.  I’ve told her maybe 1/3 of what he’s told me.  But it is still shocking.   I feel bad because I betrayed her by not telling her how much time I've been spending with him. (I have to admit, the morbid curiosity has become a short-term obsession/fascination.)  I’m sure that it must hurt even to know that he is being so blatantly honest with me when he couldn’t have been with her.  But that’s because he knows he will never have a relationship with me.  He’s not trying to get one over on me because I just don’t care.

Sometimes he calls me and wants me to talk to them on the phone. "Here, Desert Girl, talk to my girlfriend."  (Whyyyyy?  Am I some kind of reassurance/confidence instiller that he can be trusted because he has a female friend?)   I have to raise my voice to match their mini-mouse squeeky/supposedly sexy talk.  I imitate them and they don't even seem to get it.  Bimbos.  

If you saw Serseree Boy, you would think that he’s lying about all the women.  Maybe he’s not the best looking guy, but he’s incredibly charming and immediately makes you feel special.  He knows all the right things to say and makes the rounds to ensure that he’s spending enough time with each female friend (he’s 41 and has a decent retirement income. He’s also from old money, so that’s he’s got plenty of free time and money isn’t a worry.)  And no, this isn’t just a mid-life crisis for him; it is a long-term lifestyle:  Wake up, shower, drink some more, visit women and/or search for more, party, sleep.

Oh, and let me tell you about the places he has.  He had a camp this year.  Divided his time between ladies on alternating days.  He has a farm in Kabd.  He has a yacht for the summer (supposedly reserved for only one woman - the mother of his illegitimate child).  He has a family chalet with a pool.  And he is soon to get an apartment.  His "real" residence is at home with his mommy, but he is okay with sneaking different women downstairs to have sex.

I hope that I have never been in love with someone like this (but my type would have a job), but alas, I probably have; because they are so sneaky and conniving that you (as an honest person) would most likely never be able to tell.  Honest people don’t think like serserees – or so I would like to believe.  Maybe I’m naive. 

He lies constantly. Even when he doesn't have to.  It is like training for the next lie.  He tells different women different stories; often in conversations in front of me.  He laughs about it, but at the same time, complains that they “don’t give him space,” and take up too much of his time.  I wonder then, why he can’t just be honest and tell them that he’s playing the field and dating other people?  Why is the honesty part so difficult?  If I lie, for example, I am always found out because I can never remember my lies and have to confess later.  There is only so much you can deny. 

So why is Serseree Boy telling me all of this?  I dunno, really.  I guess because I listen. (I can also glean any intel I want by calling him at 3:30 am and asking him because he's always drunk and it is like he's got truth serum in his blood.)   He has told me that he can tell me anything and be relaxed around me because he isn't worried about what lie he has told meHe doesn't have to worry that he will say or do the wrong thing.   Because we are platonic (defined in the Urban Dictionary as, "To love someone in an 'I don't want to do you' kind of way").   In my different groups of friends, I am always “one of the guys” (and it isn't because there is a "I don't want to do you" factor, but I hope I have morals/ethics/standards).   Most of them feel free to be themselves in front of me.  Maybe I have one of those faces that says that I’m empathetic to people.  In this case, I’m not empathetic, just curious.  

Serseree Boy has told me all about his adventures; even how his marriage ended when his wife found pictures of himself and his girlfriend on a European vacation in Germany and France.  (Oh, and girlfriend even went to see him at his house while the wife was upstairs!)   Serseree is still seeing the girlfriend (she has been married since they met).  His X-wife is busy filing court cases.  I personally think that he thrives on drama.   I asked him why he even got married to begin with.  “To have children.”  Wow.  Is that all that it comes down to?  What kind of father does that make him?  Why couldn’t he marry a woman who he could be honest with?   As he says, he would never “allow” his wife to do the same things he does.  Maybe she would demand her rights too if he told her the truth.

Which brings me to another point:  What’s good for the goose is good for the gander.   We, as women, have a 6th sense.  In most cases, we can determine when a man is cheating – even if we don’t want to face up to it.  If a wife knows/suspects, she’s more likely to be cheating on her husband (and many of the married women I’ve known here – “religious” or not – have had long-term, multi-year relationships with their boyfriends).  It is not uncommon.

So everybody is cheating on everybody.  Is anybody practicing safe sex?  Serseree Boy has a child with a girlfriend who is married to someone else.  Her husband doesn’t know that he’s not the father.  Serseree is happy about it.  “I love my other son...”  How many cases like this are there in Kuwait?  And that brings up the subject of STDs and AIDS.  In his case, he says, “I know the women I’m with are clean.  I can tell.”  How?  Does he have portable blood testing equipment?  HIV can stay dormant in the blood stream for 5 years.  How does he know?  How does anybody know?  And you aren’t going to find accurate statistics in this part of the world because supposedly, no one is having extra-marital sex. 

Yup, it is all very Jerry Springer, but without the DNA testing. 

I have met more and more men (and women) who don’t want to get married here.  Or – if they do, just want to get married to have children and then get divorced.  If we were in a Western country, I think there would be a lot of unmarried mothers – just because they could do it legally.  People don’t want to be tied down anymore. 

I wonder how long Serseree Boy can maintain the facade:   At 41, he may be headed to become a low-rent Hugh Heffner with a grotto and some bunnies.  To me, that is just sad because you never know true love (although he throws the word around like it’s chicken feed at a Naif farm).  He may end up as one of those 70-somethings you see hanging out all night at the male-only coffee shops, talkin trash with their other toothless friends about the good old days when their junk used to work.  (Toothless - isn’t that they can’t afford the dental care.  It is because they are afraid.) Or, lamenting the fact that their kids don’t like them very much because they never were there when they were growing up (or were bad to their mothers).    Or hosting parties for 20-something girls in skin-tight mini-dresses that barely cover their hoo-hoo.  He’ll be the fat old weird guy who owns the house where the bunnies are partying.   How many bunnies would go to visit him in the hospital if he ever got sick?  Can he call a bunny if he needs help?  Je think not.     

These are just my observations.  Isn’t there more to life?   Am I being too judgemental?  He seems perfectly happy.  Maybe it is just a life choice that I shouldn't be judging.  Dunno.


13 comments:

Baroon said...

All this is so messed up. What is wrong of being judgmental? Why should you or me be worry of being judgmental? He is a messed up person with a elegant mask. He and married woman who are in relationship with him obviously are hurting lots of people around them. Maybe the hurt is not visible but they do. If they all were single and choosing this kind of life style maybe it was another story. Karma will catch up with them one day. And it will be a very ugly day.
Consider if one day the kid grows up and finds out that his father is not the biological father. Can you imagine depth of hurt that the kid will go through?

American Girl said...

Totally agree about the dishdasha. It should be mandatory attire.

I've also had a few male friends like yours who feel sharing every detail of their games with me is perfectly acceptable. Some don't even think they're playing games. Blowing it all off with, "that's the life". One even broke it down, step by step, how they reel these women in. Another feels he's just 'having fun' until his mom finds him a wife. Surely she's not 'having fun' too. The worst part about it is the fact they think it's just normal. Or, well, that it is normal.

Love this post! As always, blunt and to the point.

Can't tell you how refreshing America feels right about now :)

Desert Girl said...

Baron I agree. God hits with an invisible stick. So sad for the child.

Traveler said...

I will admit I spent a few years as a slut -- and enjoyed it. I was really single and unencumbered and had a great time. Then I woke up one morning, realized I did not know the women I was with's name and decided I needed to grow up. So I did.

However, every experience I had during those years made me the well rounded and in touch man I am now.

So don't fault these guys (unless you also fault the women) -- they are in the process of maturing.

To do better as a Serseree you should wear national dress?

I am confused.

I think things like hot cars and dress tend to be more a show to cover lack of self confidence. Also it is pretty shallow if those are the tools you are using to attract women. The cars and motorcycles I own now are about what I like -- they reflect who I am and not what I am trying to catch.

Stop worrying about the boys DG, there are lots of men out there who know who they are and what they want. We need to share a cup of coffee and trade some tales.

Too bad I already wrote my entry for this week (Turkish Haircut Experience), or I might write one from the opposite POV.

Gela said...

I got a bit of a fright when I read this. As you described Serseree, I thought you were talking about the guy I dated. I foolishly told myself he was different from other guys here because he had been introduced to me by a mutual friend and had been educated in the states. And if he had more than one phone, I never saw him with one. Live and learn, I suppose. But he was very charming, and yes, I got taken in by it all. Now I just shake my head.
The double standard is amazing. They can do whatever they want with whomever they want, but all the women they are dating are supposed to be faithful to them. Come again now?
Another friend of mine who's been through the experience thinks they all go to the same school, because they all seem to think alike and they don't believe they're doing anything wrong. Grrrrrrrrr. I enjoyed reading this, and I'm glad I'm not the only one who has had this experience.

Desert Girl said...

Gela - Serseree Boy had 4 phones. While my friend was dating him, she THOUGHT he had only 1 - and he left it in front of her, unlocked all the time. Turns out he kept 3 phones on silent in the car and the one that was in front of her - he exchanged SIM cards and he only used it for football scores. These are Professional Assholes, not amateurs. They are predators and this society seems be be breeding more of them.

Traveler said...

But isn't it a question of caveat emptor? You should be aware of who you are giving your heart to before presenting it. If you think he is a scuzzlebucket -- he probably is.

Desert Girl said...

Traveler -

I swearaGod these guys are such predators that you can't even tell. Serseree is my friend and he had me totally bamboozled for months. I thought he was just the caring, sweet, teddy-bear type searching for the right woman - which is WHY I introduced him to my best friend. What a fiasco that has turned out to be.

These guys are con artists. It isn't like you can call a PI in Kuwait and have them start doing background investigations on them (it's illegal here. I checked)... and trust me, that is NOT something that I haven't done in the States.

Traveler said...

I have no doubt that you have done that. BTW all that stuff about me being a high end art thief is a LIE. That copy of Edvard Munch's "Scream" was on my wall BEFORE my weekend in Sweden when it was last stolen. Also, I did NOT have anything to do with the downfall of the metric system in the US.

Gela said...

Traveler,

I certainly agree with the "caveat emptor" part. But like DG said, these guys are con artists who treat you like a queen. The trouble is, they treat EVERY woman they're with like that. I normally am a pretty good judge of character, but they can be so charming that it's easy to fall under their spell.

Expat and the City said...

I also have friends here just like him. They are all brothers or cousins and have probably been with more women than Gene Simmons. They frequently beg me to introduce them to newbie & naive American girls. There's no way in Hell! They're great friends but total playboys. The few decent single men that I've met here were introduced to my friends. There are some really wonderful men in Kuwait but it's just not easy to find them.

Expat and the City said...

Also some advice to newbie Western Girls: don't put out! Time is the key to knowing whether the guy is in to you or just wants to get into your pants. Most just want fun before they marry a local. They want to date "free girls". If that's what you are seeking then you'll be happy here. If you want marriage then you should never surrender the booty (in most cases). No games just be a lady and demand to be treated like one.

Traveler said...

All right. I'll take your advice. But it is a lot more fun putting out to all those cute Kuwaiti girls.