Thursday, March 14, 2013

Packing their tents and moving on


My dad used to tell me that Arabs pack up their tents and move on in the middle of the night.  Perhaps years ago they did;  Our camp took 2 days and a team of workers, 2 flatbeds and a crane to dismantle.

I feel like someone tore down my house.  It is a horrible feeling.  It is the end of the season and everything has to be moved, but it has been a really traumatic experience; maybe more so because Desert Guy and I broke up (again x3) at about the same time.  (We got together again briefly and it was the happiest I've ever been with him, but very short-lived).  Anyways, a whole lifestyle has been shifted and I'm feeling very unbalanced and out-of-sorts.

I know I'm not grounded when I unconsciously stop calling my mother for days at a time.  She knows there is something wrong by the tone of my voice, so I avoid calling her.  Not intentionally, but time passes. 

I haven't felt like socializing.  However, a dear friend asked if she could have her birthday party at my house and I agreed.  I'm not so sure it was a good decision because (one reason but only part of it... read on....) my mood has been so bad that I was in no state to have visitors.  I haven't entertained at my house since Thanksgiving and there was a reason for it.    I hope everyone had a good time at her birthday.  I think they did.  It wasn't until a few days later, upon reflection, that I got really upset over it.  I hope it hasn't ruined our friendship.  Time will tell.

I've become best buddies with Desert Guy's cousin and close friend, Teddy (I'm going to call him that because when The Romanian and I first met him, we kept saying that he was a big teddy bear).  He was, until recently, The Romanian's boyfriend.  My friendship with Teddy annoys DGy to no end (The Romanian knows me and has encouraged our friendship); DGy is not happy with it (jealousy is a bad bad thing) and in some very childish and hurtful maneuvers, has communicated it to me in ways that vocal chords apparently can not.  (Why can't people just talk?  I don't get it.)  The birthday party was just a culmination of events.  By 3 am, I was alone in a tearful rage, burning Desert Guy's ghutara and aghal in a temper tantrum on my barbecue grill.    He wasn't there (had left it behind).  I sent him pictures on WhatsApp and then posted in on Instagram.  Tee hee.  I didn't know that aghals could burn so quickly.  Who knew?  Up in flames:  quite dramatic and symbolic. (Yes, it felt really good.  Don't judge me.)

This shit is all going into my book/film script later.  You'll see.

I was left with an achy heart, an incredibly messy house and a flooded terrace, a ruined carpet and no leftovers in my refrigerator.  Not a happy weekend por moi.  2 days of cleaning and disappointment.  Calgon, get me the phuck out of here....

Due to my poor judgement (wanting to spend holidays with Desert Guy), New Years Eve sucked, Valentines Day sucked even more, National and Liberation Days weren't much better (only in that I wasn't with him).  The next major event on my calendar is my birthday next month and I'm determined not to let it be sucky:  I'm going back to Virginia for a little while to be with my family.

Pity Party moment:  Like... no one is going to throw me a birthday party here and if they did, it would be at my house and I would end up hosting and cleaning.  No thanks.  Now, just so I'm not such a whiny coyote, complaining about negative things:  Let's have some positive now....

I've been quietly visiting with old friends at discreet and remote locations.  I've been effectively packing my own tent and moving on.  I've been spending time with friends with horses and animals and a few with camps that are still up until the end of this month.

I spent last night at my friend's camp under the stars, laughing until an unreasonable hour and I was sure I wouldn't make it to work on time (although I did - nursing a hangover, but an Absolut-ly gooood one).   I've known Bu Nawaf for 30+ years.  He and my x-fiance are my oldest (longevity) friends in Kuwait (although the X doesn't keep in touch as well as Bu Nawaf has over the years.   BN says, "People change," and they do.  My x used to be my very very very best friend in the whole world and I thought that nothing would ever break up our friendship.  People change.  Bu Nawaf has managed to stay in touch and is always there if I need a shoulder or just to recharge the positive energy batteries.  He's the kind of guy who could call after 10 years of not seeing him, and we would pick up right where we had left off.

This weekend, I'll be back in Kabd visiting other old friends.  Bu Khalaf has his diwaniya and yet again - I'm the only female allowed.  I love being one of the guys but being a girl at the same time.  His friends are all religious and there are even a few mullas in the mix. We talk about cars; our common ground.  They go to pray together and then return and make chai 7alib.  Bu Khalaf would rather be with his old buddies and his animals than in the city; although he lives only a few short blocks from my house.  I go to his farm, hang out with him and the guys, look at the goats and walk around while the weather is still good.  I go home and sleep well.

I have new friends with horses.  I think that animals are my grounding element at the moment.  Although this will all change when it is 150 degrees outside.  I might find the grounding hard at that temperature.  It suits for now.

and then on to the next thing.

14 comments:

American Girl said...

I know that feeling of being completely discombobulated. Especially in Kuwait where an entire lifestyle can change overnight and where people can come and go as if friendships never existed. I blame it on lack of emotion and abandonment issues. Another issue all together.

You, on the other hand, are a truly GOOD person with a great character, values, and morals. You are allowing people into your life, but you're not sacrificing who you are in order to keep them. That's admirable.

At the end of all the drama, you're always going to come out on top :)

Teena said...

Hanh in there DG...ebery black cloud will have a silver lining...

soupprincess said...

DG,

I don't know if you're big on reading or not,but I'd hazard a yes vote based on how well you write...one day when you have down time, maybe check out this entry: http://www.pinkofperfection.com/2012/12/fight-back-with-normal-life/ The blogger has an overarching theme of being present in every day, and of enjoying each little moment, and reading her entries has a tendancy to make me feel more grounded myself, and to reflect on the little good things in life, and to be more grateful for my present and less wistful for my past and worried for the future...anyhoo, I know you'll be just fine, 'cause you seem too plucky to be kept down for long :) The "Flourish" section has the best essays...Hope it helps!

Anonymous said...

I thought you were going to Phuket with your friends? Maybe you should go on that trip and relax alittle leaving behind these painful memories, but quite frankly this DG doesn't seem like the right guy for you, so pack up your tent of memories and move on. You will find in retrospect that that was the best thing you ever did.

Anonymous said...

Desert Guy seems like one of those assholes who moves a ridiculously huge camp and then leaves tons of trash behind.

Desert Girl said...

Thanks, American Girl. I miss you and your positive energy/advice. I'm sure the rest of Kuwait does too!

Teena - thank you. More of a grey cloud. Not so bad.

SourPrincess - thanks. I'll check it out.

Anonymous 12:44 - Phuket? Says who, when?

Anonymous 10:31 - Emmmm.... I believe "asshole" is a bit of an assumption, isn't it? Was that solely based on the photos of the work crew dismantling the site? We removed debris from the site as responsible people should. Unfortunately, a lot of people do leave trash/debris in the desert.

"Take only photos, leave only footprints" should apply, but not much is regulated/enforced around here, is it? So people think it is ok.

I love the desert (and sea) and don't believe in polluting them; here, there, or anywhere.

Anonymous said...

@DG On the 25th of Nov 2012 you stated, "So when I asked him if he wanted to come with me to the States for Christmas to see my family, he offered to pay for The Romanian's trip. When we talked about going to Phuket in February, he asked if she'd like to go." On the 13th of April is Songkran Festival, google it, it would be refreshing and you could release your inner frustrations with your friends and have alot of fun. Maybe you need a break?

5hapimonkeys said...

You're such a great person and I'm glad that you didn't lose yourself with all this drama going on. This DGuy lost a great lady. I have never met you but you had been a tremendous help to me during my moment of sadness early last year. Your blog and our private emails opened my eyes to how are things over there and to learn to accept my worth. My husband's infidelity seems like a common occurrence there but with your insight, I stopped blaming myself, forgive his weakness and concentrate on raising 4 awesome children. On my cloudiest moment, you and expatandthecity were a great help. You both were able to explain how it is there and yes, opened my eyes to the unfairness of it all. I read your blogs and I admire how truly strong you are. You never let anything or anyone, change you. You know who you are, I envy that coz it took this painful experience for me to find who I am again not realizing when I lost myself. I'm a better mother and person now and its because of strangers like you who took the time to befriend and help me. AG is right, don't lose sight on how awesome you are. This too shall pass and you will come out on top.

Anonymous said...

Read the book called "Don't be sad" it's an eye opener!

Desert Girl said...

Anonymous 4:40 - Ok, that was when I was with Happy and before I found out that he was offering to take us for a 3-way. yeah, no, didn't go. I WANT to go to Phuket though and I definitely need a break, so maybe sometime soon.

5hapimonkeys - OMG! I am blown away by your comment. That is probably one of the nicest things anyone has said to me on the blog. Thank you so much. Usually AmericanGirl and ExpatandTheCity are my rocks. You can always go to them for advice. Strangers are only friends you haven't yet met. I am very blessed to be able to help people.

Desert Girl said...

Anonymous 11:32 - I am The Queen of Self-Help Books. I have an entire library of them - gathering dust. The one I would prefer to re-read is "Count Your Blessings" or "A Touch of Wonder" by Arthur Gordon.

Expat and the City said...

Such a sweet comment. Readers like you give the blog true meaning and purpose. ❤

Expat and the City said...

Love u DG <3

Desert Girl said...

Love you too, Expat! :)