Do you know how it feels to see someone for the first time and immediately have passionate feelings for them? Its almost primeval in its intensity. You get short of breath and everything else in the room fades away? Your heart starts to palpitate and your palms start to sweat? Your knees get weak and you feel slightly faint?
But then last night. Sigh.............
I need grill work. I have been on the Grand Tour de Dental Clinics lately. I am a dental-phobe. I get in the chair and start hyperventalating. I shake. I sweat. I speak jibberish. It isn't pretty. So, I have been to 4 dentists now trying to find the one that I feel most comfortable with that won't cost me a fortune (and that might take my company-provided insurance).
I also want to be OUT. General Anes-please-ya: I don't care if it is the kind of dental work that makes your ass hurt when you wake up. Please, fondle at will. I don't care. I just don't want to hear a drill or feel anything pain-related in the Northern Region. (The Southern Region I can deal with at my own pace.)
So, my dental travels have taken me far and wide and last night, I went to two. I called in my wastah at the MOH. I don't drop da wastah very often; it has to be for a very good reason. Wastahman sent me to a government clinic, a very nice Syrian dentist who then referred me to a private clinic where I could be treated under general.
I'm talkin Doctor 90210....
The office was in a posh location with a posh view and posh cars downstairs. I'm not going to mention the type of car that I saw (because it would be a dead give-away as to Dr. Sexy's identity and SORRY, but I'm not sharing him), but it is one of the MOST high-end exotics. The clinic lobby is also posh: All the furniture is Italian white leather with seafoam green pillows and home accessories. There is lots of glass and marble. And sitting on those posh leather seats were literally a dozen women - NO MEN. I'm thinkin - whatup with THAT?
I sat down to fill out the new-patient form. Date of birth (as always): April 16, I LIE, Marital Status: Maybe. "Do visits to the dentist make you nervous?" Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. (Sometimes they have a space for "Nickname" or "What name would you like to be called" and I always write: Princess or Gorgeous.)
Pushy nurse lady wanted her form back. Then I had to pay the 10 KD fee just to see Him. SO worth it as it turned out.
I just wasn't expecting it. I had no idea. I didn't brush my hair or put on new make up or go home, take a shower/change out of my work clothes first. My manicure was stale and I didn't put on any perfume. I had tired eyes. I wasn't even wearing lipstick (and I feel NEKID without lipstick!) It was the after-work-grunge look.
And then He walked in.
Tall, dark, handsome, gorgeous smile, good firm handshake, enticing cologne, good hair and just beginning to grey at the temples. He was wearing dark blue, V-neck hospital scrubs which he managed to make look like something from Milan. Yummmmmmmmmmm
I got in the chair (because that's what you're supposed to do at the dentists right?). He said, "Before we begin, tell me about you." Dayam! I don't even get that on DATES. Oh, but this guy is classy. We talked about all kinds of stuff - about how I came to Kuwait; about what I do; about family and friends here. I asked him if - by any chance - that beautiful car downstairs was his. He humbly said that it was. (Of COURSE it was, it completed The Package!) (If I had a car like that, I probably wouldn't be humble - at all - I would be like, 'Damn RIGHT it is! Isn't it beautiful? yada'). He made me laugh - great sense of humor. It was like 100 times better than most dates.
He totally made me forget that I was in a dentists office with drills and probes and Evil Things. He cast some kind of a spell on me. I was enchanted and totally at the mercy of His sorcery....
Then, the teeth business: Dude was 4" from my face.... (he's a dentist, ok?). I could smell his cologne... (Little voice.... 'Desert Girl... hellooooo.... there is a nurse in the room.....') It was all I could do not to look into those big brown eyes and bring out Extremely-Dangerous-Sexy-Blue-Lusty-Eyes (you should only aim a weapon if you are planning to use it , I say. The Big Guns are usually reserved for intent-to-kill.) I had to turn away; to look at the ceiling; to look at Nurse Ratshit... I have NEVER wanted to grab a dentist and pull him into the chair before. Never had the occassion. This is totally new to me.. and I'm LOVIN IT!
He told me what I already knew about my teeth. I knew something was up when he mentioned zirconia fillings. Hmmmm... sounds like 'xpensive... And then gave me the quotation. OUCH. Distinct lack of novacaine in the payment department. I guess he does have to cover his car installments, right?
I walked out just as 3 women were walking in. (They don't know him like I do.....)
So I don't want to be his patient anymore. I wouldn't want to break any ethical code between patient and doctor with my Plans. I (like all the other dozens of women in and out of his waiting room) am convinced that after I "catch" him, He can do all my dental work for free (preferably on the lanai of our summer cottage in Tuscany with a really great glass of wine and Andrea Bocelli playing softly in the background... and no Nurse Ratshit.)
Meantime, I'm back to my Wastahman who said (like I'm IN-sane), "Why did you GO there?! (Like I did something dirty - not that I wasn't thinkin about it....) THOSE people are a ripoff! Let me make some calls..."
But but but... I was sorcerized....
If I never hear from Dr. Sexy anymore (he has my mobile number, I have his), I will be hurt, but this has opened up a whole new Desert Girl Fantasy World; and yes! WITH rides! I can always go back for teeth cleaning, right? And next time, I am going to buy a new outfit (maybe something short cause I really do have great legs and they'll look good in the chair), going to the salon for hair/make-up/nails, perfume... and I WILL bring out the Big Guns once I'm totally prepped.
...and NO! I'm not giving referrals. Don't even ask. Slaps, I thought about it and even you can't go - as much as I love you.... This is just too good to share.