Wednesday, March 17, 2010

I fell in love with a dentist

Do you know how it feels to see someone for the first time and immediately have passionate feelings for them? Its almost primeval in its intensity. You get short of breath and everything else in the room fades away? Your heart starts to palpitate and your palms start to sweat? Your knees get weak and you feel slightly faint?

I don't.

Usually....

But then last night. Sigh.............

I need grill work. I have been on the Grand Tour de Dental Clinics lately. I am a dental-phobe. I get in the chair and start hyperventalating. I shake. I sweat. I speak jibberish. It isn't pretty. So, I have been to 4 dentists now trying to find the one that I feel most comfortable with that won't cost me a fortune (and that might take my company-provided insurance).

I also want to be OUT. General Anes-please-ya: I don't care if it is the kind of dental work that makes your ass hurt when you wake up. Please, fondle at will. I don't care. I just don't want to hear a drill or feel anything pain-related in the Northern Region. (The Southern Region I can deal with at my own pace.)

So, my dental travels have taken me far and wide and last night, I went to two. I called in my wastah at the MOH. I don't drop da wastah very often; it has to be for a very good reason. Wastahman sent me to a government clinic, a very nice Syrian dentist who then referred me to a private clinic where I could be treated under general.

I'm talkin Doctor 90210....

The office was in a posh location with a posh view and posh cars downstairs. I'm not going to mention the type of car that I saw (because it would be a dead give-away as to Dr. Sexy's identity and SORRY, but I'm not sharing him), but it is one of the MOST high-end exotics. The clinic lobby is also posh: All the furniture is Italian white leather with seafoam green pillows and home accessories. There is lots of glass and marble. And sitting on those posh leather seats were literally a dozen women - NO MEN. I'm thinkin - whatup with THAT?

I sat down to fill out the new-patient form. Date of birth (as always): April 16, I LIE, Marital Status: Maybe. "Do visits to the dentist make you nervous?" Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. (Sometimes they have a space for "Nickname" or "What name would you like to be called" and I always write: Princess or Gorgeous.)

Pushy nurse lady wanted her form back. Then I had to pay the 10 KD fee just to see Him. SO worth it as it turned out.

I just wasn't expecting it. I had no idea. I didn't brush my hair or put on new make up or go home, take a shower/change out of my work clothes first. My manicure was stale and I didn't put on any perfume. I had tired eyes. I wasn't even wearing lipstick (and I feel NEKID without lipstick!) It was the after-work-grunge look.

And then He walked in.

Tall, dark, handsome, gorgeous smile, good firm handshake, enticing cologne, good hair and just beginning to grey at the temples. He was wearing dark blue, V-neck hospital scrubs which he managed to make look like something from Milan. Yummmmmmmmmmm

I got in the chair (because that's what you're supposed to do at the dentists right?). He said, "Before we begin, tell me about you." Dayam! I don't even get that on DATES. Oh, but this guy is classy. We talked about all kinds of stuff - about how I came to Kuwait; about what I do; about family and friends here. I asked him if - by any chance - that beautiful car downstairs was his. He humbly said that it was. (Of COURSE it was, it completed The Package!) (If I had a car like that, I probably wouldn't be humble - at all - I would be like, 'Damn RIGHT it is! Isn't it beautiful? yada'). He made me laugh - great sense of humor. It was like 100 times better than most dates.

He totally made me forget that I was in a dentists office with drills and probes and Evil Things. He cast some kind of a spell on me. I was enchanted and totally at the mercy of His sorcery....

Then, the teeth business: Dude was 4" from my face.... (he's a dentist, ok?). I could smell his cologne... (Little voice.... 'Desert Girl... hellooooo.... there is a nurse in the room.....') It was all I could do not to look into those big brown eyes and bring out Extremely-Dangerous-Sexy-Blue-Lusty-Eyes (you should only aim a weapon if you are planning to use it , I say. The Big Guns are usually reserved for intent-to-kill.) I had to turn away; to look at the ceiling; to look at Nurse Ratshit... I have NEVER wanted to grab a dentist and pull him into the chair before. Never had the occassion. This is totally new to me.. and I'm LOVIN IT!

He told me what I already knew about my teeth. I knew something was up when he mentioned zirconia fillings. Hmmmm... sounds like 'xpensive... And then gave me the quotation. OUCH. Distinct lack of novacaine in the payment department. I guess he does have to cover his car installments, right?

I walked out just as 3 women were walking in. (They don't know him like I do.....)

So I don't want to be his patient anymore. I wouldn't want to break any ethical code between patient and doctor with my Plans. I (like all the other dozens of women in and out of his waiting room) am convinced that after I "catch" him, He can do all my dental work for free (preferably on the lanai of our summer cottage in Tuscany with a really great glass of wine and Andrea Bocelli playing softly in the background... and no Nurse Ratshit.)

Meantime, I'm back to my Wastahman who said (like I'm IN-sane), "Why did you GO there?! (Like I did something dirty - not that I wasn't thinkin about it....) THOSE people are a ripoff! Let me make some calls..."

But but but... I was sorcerized....

If I never hear from Dr. Sexy anymore (he has my mobile number, I have his), I will be hurt, but this has opened up a whole new Desert Girl Fantasy World; and yes! WITH rides! I can always go back for teeth cleaning, right? And next time, I am going to buy a new outfit (maybe something short cause I really do have great legs and they'll look good in the chair), going to the salon for hair/make-up/nails, perfume... and I WILL bring out the Big Guns once I'm totally prepped.

...and NO! I'm not giving referrals. Don't even ask. Slaps, I thought about it and even you can't go - as much as I love you.... This is just too good to share.

15 comments:

NoOoNa said...

He sounds delicious!!

Did you do the usual checking? rings,kids photos on his disk??

I say go for it girl… use those guns!!

Desert Girl said...

NoOoNa - I did all the usual due diligence: No ring. No photos. He didn't "smell" married. I could be wrong, but I'm usually not. Plus - we were SMSing until almost midnight (nothing that I can read into - very innocent stuff).

Lifeloverinkw said...

Nothing makes me more contented than seeing my (our, I’m just a little selfish) DG back on the saddle, riding her camel into the sunset of hope and fantasies.
Dentist Joke:
Dentist: There goes the only woman I ever loved. Assistant: Why don't you marry her? Dentist: I can't afford to. She's my best patient.

Expat and the City said...

I hope he makes house calls...wink wink.

LWDLIK said...

You are hilarious! Good luck with dreamy dentist man.

D said...

I have a strongggg feeling you're chatting it up with my former Dentist -- who I also kept very secret and didn't share with friends! Without going into too many details, mine was located in the building I lived in... down in 'the city'. The waiting area was quite similar to what you described, and if the car is black in color, definitely him.

I had NO interest in seeking out a Dentist there as I had a great one in the states I would see a couple of times a year. THEN I saw THAT man getting out of THAT car in THOSE blue scrubs at MY building! I went running off to the hariss asking who on earth that man was. He laughed, told me, and I marched right over to the elevator and got myself an appointment!

Quite costly but hey... men pay to watch strippers prance around? Why can't we pay to look at him AND get great teeth out of the deal?

Desert Girl said...

D - Could be the same! This building is on Gulf Road....

D said...

Oh yeah, gotta be the same Dentist. My apartment was on Gulf Road overlooking the sea... just like his office. Verrrry close to a hotel you once blogged about staying at but the traffic was quite loud :)

And yes, you're right, the office is always full of women -- most appear to have just stepped off the cover of Vogue, or off the street corner. But he sure has plenty who love to look at him. I was one!

Desert Girl said...

I sent him an SMS over the weekend, "Question: If I agree to pay your 500KD off site/out of office fee, will you have coffee with me outside? Worth it!"

I got no response. Sniffle, whimper.

Desert Girl said...

Its all total fantasy, but it was better than going to a good movie! LOL

Anonymous said...

You know what? I'm madly in love with my dentist, like a schoolgirl! and I'm 31! I know it's crazy but I can't just stop thinking about him! Some days after my treatment was finished I went to his office and told him I liked him...and gave my phone number...but he hasn't called. It's so not like me and here I am suffering about this wonderful cruel dentist!

Anonymous said...

Yes dentists r v proud.4yrs bak i met one in lahore.his name started with M.i didn't fell in love wid him or sumthin just wanted 2 get new teeth after the root canal he had done but he thout maybe i was after him.he gave me a gud advise but his last words were" for me a patient is a patient" wen i told him my intention of getting new teeth sumday ...i just can't forget his killing words.still 2day i feel insulted like that day..i traveled around the whole world like Italy Switzerland but still won't forgive myself 4 giving him a smile 4m which he got a wrong impression.i just want him 2 know i don't love him but he treated me v badly on our last meeting which was held on 20 th oct 2008 in DH...

Anonymous said...

u r such a sweet desert girl..pouring out ur innocent feeling but i ll suggest u 2 forget him & value ur scared feelings & keep them 4 sum1 special in ur lyf.i m sure u ll find a gud person soon.i have learned my lesson & i think he didn't deserved a beautiful soul like mine. i hope sum1 treats him in the same way he treated me so he wud realise wats its like to b hurted by sum1 u have hardly known.

Anonymous said...

Ooh! go 4 it gal! mind u, if he cares about the money a bit too much, heartbreak is around the corner, but if u think he's intrested in u too, why not? (Nice dentists alone are hard 2 cum by) Luckluckyluckylucky you! gd luck honey!!!!!!!!

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