Sunday, December 10, 2006


The Traffic Light at Hamad Mubarak Street and Gulf Road

What GENIUS decided it was okay to change the traffic light timings at the lights on the Gulf Road entering into Hamad Mubarak Street from the Marina Mall side and the next one down at Nadi Shaab? They used to peacefully change when the light to proceed straight turned green. Now, you have to wait in line (as cars back up to the next signal). What type of urban planning degree does Retardo have and from where – a village in India or Nepal perhaps? And one week, he/she/it decides to paint turn arrows (at the H. Mubarak turn) from the 2nd lane over, and the next week, covers them up so you can’t turn! WTF??? There are no signs announcing this. No one knows what to do. All the “smart” people are making U-turns from the 2nd lane (really really stupid) and the people in the farthest left lane – who think they are doing the “right thing” - are turning as normal onto Hamad Mubarak. It is totally FUBAR (F-ed Up Beyond All Recognition). I was this close to driving across the median the other day and taking my chances, vigilante-style. Don’t you think they could TRY to make things BETTER instead of WORSE?

And speaking of making things WORSE: I have lived in my building for TEN years. I have never had a problem with parking. Once or twice, I’ve had to park across the street, but who cares? No biggie. All of a sudden, the GENIUSES who manage my building (Ramiasshole et al) have decided to assign parking spaces and place metal poles (at very tight distances to each other) with lockable chains on each space. I have told them that I don’t want the poles/don’t need the chains. You can’t see the frickin poles. The building across the street thought this was a good idea too – had them all installed, and then everyone complained about cars being damaged, so they took them out. Now, I already have my own master plan: I’m buying a sledge hammer. Yup. If they install them around my car, I’m going to pay somebody/anybody to whack them out of there. Phuckem. The poles have been in there for a little over a week. So far, 3 cars have been damaged.

I still feel sick. Today is Day 11. This is the Flu From Hell. It is probably Bird Flu or some kind of lung-ravaging airborne spore (Anthrax?) that the Kuwait Ministry of Health hasn’t notified the local population about. I have been to the doctor FIVE times. I can’t breathe. Whatever fungus is among us, it is sitting in a ball at the bottom of my lungs and making horrible noises. You can’t hack it out; you can’t cough it out. It just stays with you. You get the fever at varying intervals of the day and night.

(Purgy, as not to disappoint you… A little DG Dating Fluff) I met a guy a while back who instantly fell in puppy-love (ugh!). He immediately began telling me that I needed to diet (although he is VERY large) and my friends were no good and wore too much make up and … oh, by the way – “why do you wear make-up?”. Yada yada. So he just sent me an SMS saying, “When are you going to the States for Christmas? I really hate to be away from you, so I was planning to go with you.” Yeh – chellloooooooooo, stalkerboy! First up: My family, although sweet as can be, would rip someone like you to shreds (bless your heart) without at least 8-12 months of formal introduction as part of our 12-step initiation process (our exit process is a whole lot faster, as The Man found out!). And B) what got our “relationship” (based solely on SMSing) to this point? My friend, Slapperella, is asked this question by wannabe boyfriends all the time, “Can I come to Scotland to see your parents?” Her response is, “Sure. When do I meet your mother?” (She was shocked the other day when she was given an invitation to have dinner with one wannabe’s parents, but basically, it is pretty effective.)

I haven't met anyone interesting lately (been sick). That must change soon. I have kinda been holding off till 2007 when the karma is right.

I am going to the States on the 19th and if you haven’t noticed already – I really need to get out of here for a while.


Purgatory said...

So now am the stalker who comes here only to read about fluff romance ?

Enjoy your vacation and do not meet strange guys.

ananyah said...

Enjoy your vacation & you're right.. you do need to get outta the place!

I love reading your DG Dating Fluff, I just hope you find someone who is worthy of you soon :D

Desert Girl said...

Purgy I thoroughly enjoy having you as my stalker. :)

Ananyah - Thank you and I hope so too, but then what would you have to read? :)

Rain said...

WoW Bridget! Your life just keeps getting better! ;-P

Well I am happy that the year is coming to an end for YOU! I have to agree with the others the DG Dating fluff is just AMAZING!

About the flu, try taking some ginger crushing it and simmering it in water, throw in some brown sugar to take a little of the kick out of it and then drink whilst hot. When you start to break wind, all your troubles will run away, and you will most likely feel like you feel after venting it out on a blog!

Just a thought.....Have you considered finding someone like the guy out of the film 'Little Man'? He meets your criteria I think? Mighty might (For a small guy), well tooled for circus action, charming, someone your parents would say "Awwww" at, not much threat to desert dawg, and when you get bored you can always put him in a duffel bag and send SMS's!

I hope you find what you are looking for! Thanks for this years whacko blog, you are my favourite psychopath!

Hope you will BE fit and ready for your GREAT vacation and have a HAPPY new year!

Purgatory said...

You are after something if you enjoy my stalking, what is it?