Thursday, September 23, 2010

Drag-Queen Carnie-Ho's

Ok so last night I was sitting around doing something that I absolutely never in a million years thought I would do - participating in a book club. Not that I don't read - I do.  It is very cerebral stuff like Jude Deveraux romance novels (I call it "mind candy") about time-travelling rogue Scotsmen; or stupid self-help books that I intend to read, but then only end up skimming over while on the commode (things I bet you wish you didn't know about me, right?)  My life/reality is generally too harsh for me to get immersed into anything too thought-provoking or deep.  (Come to think of it, I could probably make that statement about my personality.  I can be "sensible book" when I want to be, but I make a choice when to turn it on.)  I totally enjoyed myself last night and now I want to read more fascinating stuff! 

I hadn't read the book for last night, mind you.  My friend who was hosting invited me, probably because we make eachother laugh and I haven't seen her in a really long time.  I went to her BODACIOUSLY BEAUTIFUL apartment overlooking the entire Gulf from up in the clouds and realized that my kickass apartment pales in comparisson.  Holy SNAP!  Just a gorgeous place. 

But, my friend, R (what the heck should I call her... hmmmm.... have to give that one a think), is so humble that I didn't feel overwhelmed.  Any woman who is obviously so intelligent, elegant, and with such an amazingly presigious job - yet who has "Frankie The Fish" (singing wall-mounted fish) on her bathroom wall, wins an immediate Desert Girl Seal of Approval (cue the orchestra!).  You rock, R!  I can't remember when I have laughed so hard,  and this morning - I can't remember all of what we were laughing about.

Oh - the one thing was the determination of the proper terminology for the most popular form of Kuwaiti make-up application (weddings, special events):  Carnival Hooker (or "Carnie Ho" for short).  Basically, it is Combat Make-up or perhaps Extreme Make-up;  it would be the "bunjee-jumping-off-K9" of all make-up application. 

  • Sidenote:  Kuwait, as many of you know, bans transvestites. (Sorry, if you are a real transvestite/drag queen, you are just banned.  That's it.)  However, I ponder the thought - if women dress like drag-queens, is that too illegal?  Women who dress like men who dress like women.... There is a thought for you.
  • Disclaimer:  As true of anywhere, not all that I say about the likes of the local population apply to EVERYONE.  I am making a sweeping generalization which is not to say that some ladies (and I mean that) in the local market are not incredibly elegant and apply make-up that is not extreme.  (Don't mean to piss y'alls off.)  The States has similar make-up styles.  (Has anyone seen "Jersyliscious?")

This came about  after a discussion about my friend, Butterfly.  I recommended her to R and other professional Western women in Kuwait who may need Butterfly's services. Butterfly  is a professional make-up, hair, eye-lash extension artist.  When I say "artist" I mean - she creates art.  Not abstract or face-painting outside your local side-show, no -----  art

Butterfly has been dabbling with doing Kuwaiti make-up for a local salon.  The salon patrons can't get their heads around the idea of natural looking make-up to enhance your natural attributes.  Nosireebob, these gals want it laquered.  Butterfly does air-brush make-up (as far as I know, no one else in these parts does it).  Air-brush technique allows for a light coating.  While patronettes think it's cool, the finished product isn't as deep as they would like.  What they want: think Earl Sheib or Maaco Paint Shop;  sanding, bondo, 1st coat, 2nd coat, clear coat, polish. (Then, put in blue or green contact lenses to complete the hook... I mean "look". It's Michael Jackson's Thriller - scary.)   Make-up in the Kuwaiti-hood? Perhaps, Butterfly,  you should do make-up the way you HATE it and you'll be a great success in the local market.  Think 30 years ago and colors de la rainbow, chica.  Think qinceniera in Tiajuana....

  • Photo is of Adam Lambert (a dude).  HIS make-up was NOT done by Butterfly. This photo is indicative of carnie-ho make-up application.
  • Sidenote:  Stinni and I are still planning to go to a local wedding together dressed as drag-queens and see how many compliments we get.  Butterfly, I'll get you to do some really hideous make-up and up-do's with lots of crystals.  I just have to get online to Fredericks of Hollywood to pick out a soiree gown.  I'm thinking fushia latex and some feathers, knee-high boots.

Butterfly also does Xtreme lashes (which takes about 2 hours).  They're semi-permanent lashes that last up to 6 months. They're AMAZING.  I so want to do that.  If anyone wants a copy of her sample work presentation or her contact info, write to me at  She also does African-American hair and has brought her own products from the States (like Moroccan Oil), so y'alls won't destroy your folicles with the crap that is available in stores here.

Disclaimer:  This last paragraph has ab-solut (TM)-ly nothing to do with the title of this post nor much else contained herein by in so far as it is stated above.  Amen.

So, after many a G&T and a few bottles of vino, we have determined that Desert Girl is going to get hair extensions.  That's right, extensions with real human hair Butterfly brought from HOLLYWOOD baybee.  I need a pick-me-up and I can be good for Butterfly's before & after shots.  Awesome, I'm going to be frickin Jessica Simpson (minus the body).  Woo hooo.  We have agreed on "titty length" (that wasn't my term, but I'm liking it) to give maximum drama.  Bada Bing.


Butterfly on the Wall said...

LMAO! You are a trip and a half!!

The aforementioned hair length also evokes "Diva-Mode" so be forewarned that your posture may be permanently changed to walking around with your back-arched and boobs and booty poked out.

Thanks for all the love :-)

Anonymous said...

a) I'm thinking the extensions will really help in interviews, as depressing as that is...but, hey, work it. :)
b) I feel ya on the tranny makeup. I had to get all gussied up for one of those events, and channeled an '80's rave, think red, silver, and black contoured eyeshadow...
c) most importantly, have you ever been wedding dress shopping in Kuwait? It is a travesty. $1,000 to rent something for three days that was made with panels of actual plastic (as in the kind used for stripper platforms), embellished with craft sized glitter, and a VISIBLE plastic athletic zipper, where a hidden formal wear zipper should have been...and that was considered rather affordable. Ugh!!! They need some Bobby Brown makeup classes, and some David's Bridal, STAT. You know, for those days when you want to step out of the '80's New Wave...