Monday, March 09, 2009

When you get real sick of helping people

So, I have been trying - as you know - to get a job for a while now.

There was one that I really was hoping for. I talked to a friend who said he might be able to help; that I would be ideal for the job and he was going to try to get me in. I am very grateful to him just for considering me.

Just following this, a friend-of-a-friend who has been hitting on me for quite a while found himself in a desperate situation. He took out a loan a while back, had to leave Kuwait, came back and took a job and contacted the bank to make payments. Because he was late, they put a travel ban on him. He lost his job. He called me (we usually only SMS) urgently for help. I felt really bad for him and I knew it was an emergency, so I immediately started forwarding his resume.

That was several weeks ago. I didn't hear a thing back from him - although I sent him several e-mails. I figure some people are just rude, so no bother. That is, bien sur, until I found out that he had taken the job I wanted.

I'm going through serious shit at work. (A runner in the middle of the night back to Virginia wouldn't even be out of the question.) When you need an extra pat on the back.... and just when you would like people to be nice in return- ESPECIALLY after you have done something to help them, they reveal how flawed the human character can be. (Yeah yeah yeah "Do something good and throw it in the ocean" and all that bullshit. Ok. Just let me vent.)

So, I send dude a very politically correct and kind "congratulations on your new job - oh, and by the way, I was the one who helped you get there. Oh, and by the way, I was really looking forward to working there... and best of luck and wish you all the best. Yada yada. Basically, a FU, but in a nicely-wrapped package. (Did I mention that this was AFTER the sobbing bout that left me in the fetal position on my sofa and my dog running for "under-the-bed?").

Dude had the balls to send me an SMS back saying, "Yeah, I heard that your name was up for this job. Can I take you to dinner to make it up to you?" Oh PHUCK NO. He did not just insult me AND hit on me in the same SMS! I deleted his number.

The "friend" who told me about it seemed worried; not about ME, but about the fact that I would "put him in it" because he blabbed and told me (Me me me.....Its all about meeeeee). He was actually getting an agressive tone about it.

Well, you know what - everything does happen for a reason. As Bunny immediately said, something better is meant to be. I did my part in helping the ingrate. It was the right thing to do. Dudes chose to be the way they are - and I have nothing to do with that. I just don't know if I will be so quick to help the next time I'm asked. And that's sad.


Anonymous said...


It happens. There can be numerous philosophical explanations, but none of any immediate real help.
One can understand what you are going thro'. It is not easy stayin alone, that too being a lady & ....

But, you are of a different breed.

Shit happens.
What matters is how you respond to what happens and not what has happened.
The only power you have is the power within. Use that power to take control of yourselves, more control of yourselves than earlier, reflect, be happy about what you've got.

It is easier said than done, but still, try to keep your cool.

World over, things are bad. Every employed person / business establishment are facing a challenge, which they were totally unprepared for. Naturally, you can't plan for every thing and not all happens as you planned.

You are no exception.

May be, it's not your fault.
Infinite patience, infinite purity, infinite perseverance are the key to success in a noble cause.

All will end well.

Take care girl.

Desert Girl said...

Anonymous - whoever you are; you are my angel today. I hope someone returns the favor by doing or saying something that has an impact on you today/near future. Thank you sincerely.

Evil Knievel said...

ype of job are you looking for anyways?!? (besides the fact that it shoud pay you an awesome salary...)

Sanjeeva said...

Tenderness and kindness are not signs of weakness and despair, but manifestations of strength and resolutions.
Kahlil Gibran

abolesanzalef said...


you really seems a kind-hearted person as you share that with us.. it consider a kind of help but untouch.....

T help people refering to the kind of people whatever the results will be...

Just do your best to help others but take care too.

wish you find that job you like InshaAllah you deserve.

hilaliya said...

This has happened before to many unfortunately - the ones we help end up resenting the help they get; they still use the help but due to pride or self-loathing or whatever, they try to do a 'memwipe' - deleting the act of kindness from memory so as not to feel they owe anyone.

Lots of asses out there in a dog vs dog world - in this day and age with economies collapsing, people losing jobs etc - true character, yours and others emerges.

Karma is karma. You help others, others will help you. So really DG there is nothing to worry about.

Desert Girl said...

Evil: I'm a stripper but I also bartend on the weekends. :)

Sanjeeva: I LOVE that quote. I'm saving it.

Abolesanzalef: Wa alaykum salam ukhwy. :) Thank you for the kind words.

Hilaliya: Yes, I've seen that happen unfortunately. You try to help someone and they get all floopy (like the 4 boys I tried to help in Northern Kabd whose Landcruiser was dug into a sand dune with no other vehicle around for miles, but my Discovery. Tee hee. Their grandfather thought it was hilarious that 2 blondes would even offer.)

My mother laughs at me when I call it a "doggy dog world".

And thank you for the karma affirmation. I need that once in a while.

Anonymous said...

You have given me immense help and, more importantly, hope over the past couple years or so, from tips on how to bring my dog over when it comes time, to restaurant reviews, to career seeking advice, to apartment advice, to simple common sense that I, on most occasions, lack. It is v. much appreciated.

I spent this summer in Kwt meeting the future in-laws, and went to that Sultan Center many, many times, and didn't even notice the bachelor ban. I caught on to the whole creepy stalking thing right away, but just acted like my rude, ignorant redneck self until they quit trying. (My arabic isn't good enough to catch the pickup lines or phone numbers quickly enough, so I just laugh my ass off). Yet, it never occurred to me that a cell phone could be a quite handy weapon (I'm waiting to get a cell 'til I live there for good--so I've never had one). I would have never thought to snap someone's picture. That is very, very good to know. You just provided info. that the U.S. Embassy didn't think to provide. That is real, useful help, the kind people actually need. You do lots of good just by being yourself.

Assholes come and assholes go. The fact that they behave like douchebags to people who are kind to them is a fault in them, not in you. Never fear, I'm very sure that karma will come along and bite them in the ass in short order. In the meanwhile, don't waste your tears on trash.

The one really good thing about being in a society where everything is about what the Joneses' think of you is that, if you don't care what they think, you have an excellent method of revenge. A bad reputation in Kuwait will follow you for the rest of your life, and probably several generations after. Simply tell him you're going to tell everyone you know about his scandalous behavior. That oughta turn him real apologetic real quick. Or, let the company know that you are v. interested in working there, make friends with people with more wasta than those two lunkheads, and, if you're a lucky girl, maybe you can get a position higher than his and watch him squirm. Always fun. :)

In any case, don't feel bad because you were taken advantage of by someone you trusted and were trying to help...the sin was theirs, not yours. (by the way, that particular guilty concept just might make them feel some serious religious angst in the quieter hours of the night...and you should encourage that) You are an excellent person and a good friend, even to strangers, and you are bound for greater things than those two jerks.

And, if none of that makes you feel any better, tell them you're giving them the evil eye, and the next time they have a fender bender or fail to get a date, they'll get all paranoid and either get apologetic or start kissing ass :)

Hope you feel better soon!

Anonymous said...

Desert Girl, it might also have been a protection for you NOT to have gotten that job. Trust that you were doing the right thing, and that we don't always see the protections. The guy you helped . . . seems like he has streaks of bad luck. I'm betting he has another.

Something good is coming your way. Talent, work ethic and determination win in the end. Didn't it work with finding the good apartment you wanted. :-)

mentabolism said...

the only thing worse than not getting what you actually getting it...
something better is waiting for you ....

Anonymous said...

all i could say is....

yadaaaaa yadaaaaaaaaaaaa ;p

i love the way you complain ;p

pradeep said...

Desert Girl...i donno ur name so had address this way!!! Life is all about giving and forgiving!!! so keep up the good work!!


Senioreta said...

Hi DG,

Some people are not even worth hating or being angry at, and this guy is one of them.

My advice to you is to let it go, it happened and Khalas.

I bet something better is waiting for you.

Cheer up..

Desert Girl said...

Update: Dude sent me an SMS to ASK ME MY ADVICE on issues at his (MY MOFO) job. My first impulse was to call him and help (because I'm a tard). Then I stopped and ignored.

Pu├ža said...

You never know why things happen. But they do, and there's a purpose, although we do not see it at the same moment.

A lot of those things has happened to me too, and I get angry or cry too. But with the time all experiences make you stronger and wise,they all are worth, even the bad ones.

That job was not for you. Keep searching and you'll find a better one.

keep strong, you'll make it!

Ali said...

i agree with hilaliya, do the good and never expect a return back, but trust me, you will be rewarded :)

Anonymous said...

DG, you doing OK?

daggero said...

He doesn't owe a dinner , he owes you a recruiter's placement fee ,whats the going rate ? one month salary per contract

Desert Girl said...

Just for the record, I am now so so so so so glad that I didn't get the job. Everything happes for a reason.

LJ said...

I was totally in awe of the whole karma concept but used to see it the wrong way, until someone enlightened me. I'll attempt to explain it as it was told to me. If you take the attitude "well, I helped out someone, where's mine?" or if you get vindictive and say, "he'll get his karma" you don't really fully understand the idea of karma yet. There is no negativity where karma is concerned. We should do good things/be a good, positive person without wanting it to come back.
Best wishes for true enlightenment, you're getting close to it!
(I don't want to come across as rude, I really am trying to help you, please don't take it the wrong way because I enjoy your blog and hope to be in Kuwait soon. The information you've provided is quite helpful).