I didn't sleep well last night. I usually sleep great, but things have been bothering me lately and I haven't been very happy. My best buddy is out of the country and I've been spending a lot of time alone and with my dogs.
Last night, I couldn't understand why I kept waking up all night. This morning, I got it: it was foggy, but I had a dream about Shamlan. Usually, my dreams of him are vivid, but last night it wasn't so much.
But I got his message.
Usually when I feel really low, he comes to my mind (or maybe he just comes to me to help me through it - which is more of how I feel). I wake up in the morning, and his name is on my lips. I just say it out of nowhere and I know he's around.
Anyhow, last night his message was that even though I've idolized him all these years, maybe today, at this place in this year, he would not be the man who I wanted him to be. All is destiny. Maybe I would have been disillusioned now, if her were alive today. I'm disillusioned by most men I meet these days in this time of technology; when your most personal relationships are the ones you have via WhatsApp and Instagram. No one bothers to call or get together anymore. Are we all so busy? Maybe he would have been the same way. The phone calls and personal appearances may have stopped and perhaps he would have just communicated with me the way that many of my old/dear friends currently do now - by chat.
Shamlan died in the prime of his life. He is eternally youthful and perfect to me. Nothing will ever change because time stopped when he was killed.
So my perfect angel shows up and gives me little messages every now and then and I totally appreciate it and look forward to it. Especially when I feel tired and down.