Tuesday, July 08, 2014

Meeting Desert Guy's Wife

I got home and really didn't have much trouble deciding what to wear (white linen pants and my favorite floral print top).  It was the first time in months that I put on heels (because of my back pain/fractured disc). I knew that I wouldn't be standing for long, but I wanted to look taller.  I went for cute, but not OTT.   Turns out, there was no need to stress over what to wear (but we all do, don't we?)

Mrs. Desert Guy wore a very pretty duraa and had her hair in a pony tail.  We met at the door and did the kissy thing like we were old friends who hadn't seen each other in a very long time.

I've seen DGy's "Parade of Bimbos" for years now, and I was expecting to see a heavily-made-up-Barbie doll person in something tight.  She was not.  She's probably a little younger than I am.  She is well traveled, well-educated, sophisticated and elegant.  And extremely gracious and hospitable.  We even have mutual friends.  Who knew?

You know when you meet people and they say, "I'm just staying married for the kids."  Or "We live under the same roof, but like brother and sister."  You automatically holler, "BULLSHIT!" (sometimes out loud, sometimes inside your head).   But who really knows what goes on in someone else's home/life?  I think I am going to have to be less skeptical (maybe not...)  He has always been very complimentary of his wife and I can't say that I was ever jealous of her; just envious that she got to spend more time with him (but then again, maybe she didn't).

Mrs. DGy was a lovely lovely lovely person.  I really like her.  We talked for a long time and she was open and sincere.  When you're dating someone, everything is a big mystery. I obsess about everything and everything is a topic for analyzation.  When I was dating DGy, I wondered what his home life was like, what he was doing, etc etc.  I wondered if he was telling me the truth about his wife (and I honestly didn't want to upset anyone if they were happy and in love).   ....Turns out it's no big mystery after all.

They met young and fell in love.  Had a few kids.  Decided it wasn't working and they started living separate lives; meeting in the middle to raise wonderful, well-adjusted children.

After some time, her brother came in (equally as nice/kind).  We all shared ftour meal together.  Partway through, DGy looked at me and said (JOKING), "How many years have you and I been married now?"  and I immediately responded with, "Six."  Even the kids laughed.  They made me feel so comfortable (again, like old friends) that that type of banter was humorous.  It was all so "normal" and it just felt like I had been part of it all for forever.  (And yet, so strange...)

I never asked her outright how much she knew about my relationshit with DGy.  She did say that she knew a lot about me and that she had asked to meet me at our camp a few years ago, but I wasn't there (or maybe the timing wasn't right for DGy).  (She said she didn't like the people who go to his camp.  I'm down with that!)  I told her that she was a saint and that I knew it couldn't be easy for her to put up with it all.  She agreed, but basically said, "it is what it is."  I imagine at one point, there was a lot of passionate love between them. They obviously really like each other, but from what I saw, it seems to be more like he once told me, "brother and sister."  (Of course, I don't know if that is true because again, no one really knows what happens in someone's home.)

If it was me, would I be able to welcome my husband's female friend/former girlfriend in to my home?  I don't think so.  I think she must be very self-confident (or just is so far removed from him emotionally that it is all ok). I'm obviously not a threat or I never would have been invited to their home.  I doubt seriously that he has ever invited any of his other female friends (x-girlfriends) to his home. (But as his 9 year old son once told him, "Dad, your other friends love me because they love you.  "Desert Girl" loves me because she loves me for me"  That's true.  I don't suffer fools - even in small packages.)   I sincerely admire Mrs. DGy and I would love to be able to ask her about this experience later.

If it was me, would I have stayed with him for the kids?  Probably not.  I'm too selfish and too opinionated. It would take someone stronger than me.  (One infraction on his part and I would be considering ways to make his life miserable, so why stay married?)

They invited me back and I would really love to be in their company again.  I'm still feeling warm and happy over the time I shared with Desert Guy and Mrs. DGy.  I had no idea.

Like I keep saying, my life is pretty unconventional.... and I love it.  Thank you, God, for allowing me to see the same pictures from totally different perspectives.


Johnny Smoke said...

Just discovered your blog this morning. Looking forward to following. Best wishes. JS

Anonymous said...

I love that last paragraph. Suddenly, everything changes, and new possibilities open when you are willing to let go of preconceptions and assumptions. Seeing with new eyes is a Ramadan blessing, DG, Ramadan Kareem :-)