Tuesday, October 30, 2012

On the subject of cheating

On my Desert Girl Facebook page, I wrote a little diddy about having a fun fling with a handsome Kuwaiti friend.  I discovered - by basically stalking him on FB - that he is dating a friend-of-a-friend.  Likesay, it was only a fun fling and I hadn't even had the chance to really get to know him before all this happened, so no loss.  He was a good kisser and it was wanaaaaaaaaaaaasa. Sigh.  (And okay... to be honest... where do you draw the line for when cheating starts?  At kissing?)  I do feel bad for his girlfriend, however.  She seems like a sweet girl; totally in love.  She's all over facebook with it (people would you learn how to set your security?!  Dayum.)  Probably doesn't have a clue.  ...WAKE UP!!! 

I used to be that innocent.  Now my ears are highly sensitive bullshyt detectors.  I learned, like many of us do, the hard way.  Now unfortunately I'm one of those jaded women (not girls) who tends to anticipate the negative first before allowing myself to hope for the positive.  I'm the poster child for why men date stupid, young, innocent girls who don't know any better.

Then, I got responses from people saying that I should tell her.  Uh... no thank you.  Why - so she could hate ME and tell her friend (who is also my friend)?  So she could run back to him and tell him I told her?  Why would I want to do that?  Hurt her?  Maybe she's cheating too:  I don't know.  Not my business.  I can only stay away from him and wish them the best.

So anyhoo, the Facebook string opened up a whole can o'worms on the subject of cheating.  Some Kuwaiti ladies even chimed in that it is cultural.

What do you think?

What do I think?  I believe that certain species of animals like wolves and maybe swans mate for life, but humans:  not so much.  I'm just not a believer anymore.  Wish I was, Peter Pan, but those days are gone.  I'm still waiting for the magic to return to Never-never Land. 

In this part of the world, there is no monetary punishment for cheating, so it is kind of game-on.  In the States, if you are married and you cheat, you have broken the marriage contract and you pay for it when you divorce. Not here.  Nope.  Dude can have 4 wives.  If a woman cheats, however, the whole world has ended (totally 'nother story).

Historically, there is this whole thing about wealthy men who had concubines (mistresses) on the side that they did things with that they would never dream of doing with their wives. (I was friends with a Kuwaiti couple and they were joking around with me one time. He said that he asked her to do something and then was like, "WHAT?!  I can't do THAT with YOU!  You're my WIFE!  They laughed about it, but that is the way some men here feel. That's pathetic.) The concubines were often treated better than wives.  Well, are things so different now?

I get e-mails every now and then from women saying, "I think my guy in Kuwait is cheating.  What do you think?"  What do I think?  Hell YES he's cheating.  If you have to ask the question, you already know the answer.  God gave women intuition for a reason.  My momma always used to say, if you sense danger, get out.  You are sensing it for a reason.  Guys, how many times have your women known something that they couldn't possibly know, but they just KNOW it?  That's women's intuition. 

Would I cheat?  That's not really our topic here, now is it?  But if you want an honest answer, I'll give it to you:  If the guy is devoted to me and gives me everything that I need in a relationship - why should I wander?  If I'm not getting what I need and I'm feeling slighted or disrespected, why should I be with him?  If I love a guy, I would walk through fire for him and that is the truth.  I wouldn't consider doing anything to hurt him.  But alas, finding that person is a rare rare thing. 
So anyhoo, those are my thoughts in a nutshell.


She3o said...

" If I love a guy, I would walk through fire for him and that is the truth. I wouldn't consider doing anything to hurt him."

Ohhhh boy!!! If you mean it; he would be the luckiest guy on this "mother-earth"... this sanctification,devotion and faith-in-him is very rare these days. :-(

The Kuwaiti Godfather said...

Welcome back :) I was wondering where you went off too :p

Charles Schell said...

Firwalkers are few and far between -- so rare and yet so worth the search

Anonymous said...

fire walking is easy
it's the low crawling over hot coals and broken glass that is the test of a relationship
welcome back indeed
is cheating cultural? hhhmmm
ya, men here want a princess at their side but a tigeress in bed
hard to balance the two, in the mind of a man here, kind of blows there mind to consider a woman can be both

re cheating though paul newman, (i saw him all sweaty at a racing event and nearly threw my nickers at him - that good looking) said it best 'why have a burger out when you can have a steak at home'

Anonymous said...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Concubinage, just learnt

Unknown said...

Idk if this will shed any insight but I stumbled on this video a while back and this topic reminded me of it. The subject is what women get in Muslim heaven vs what men get. It brushes over what society here apparently thinks about polygamy.


I think what is said in this video is beyond absurd.

Charles Schell said...

Any woman can be both tiger and princess -- the man brings that out in her.

Anonymous said...

I think any woman who really, truly loves a man would find it easy to be that kind of devoted...it's just so hard to find a worthy man that most don't ever get to see that side of a woman...I have only truly loved once, but a man who is deeply loved has absolutely nothing to worry about...I don't know why men get jealous, really, because I've never seen a woman whose man makes her feel beautiful, loved, and supported looking for love elsewhere...if you're worried, treat her like a queen and see if you have any reason to worry, I dare you. ;) soupprincess

Anonymous said...

Interesting post. I recently ended a four-month relationship with a Kuwaiti guy, and they can be quite charming. We didn't have the exclusivity conversation, but I was completely devoted to him. We met through a mutual friend, who has told me what happens in their circle stays in their circle. So whether or not he had anyone else, I don't know. I suppose it's moot since we are no longer together. But I definitely like the comment about having a tigress in bed and a princess by your side. A woman can definitely be both!

kristenbui said...

14Well, well...so rampant cheating isn't just isolated to GTMO. Here I am...all naive and thought that kind of craziness just existed here until I read this blog post.
I just recently blogged about infidelity in GTMO. www.gtmoexpatlife.wordpress.com

So, are you located on a U.S. military base? I was told by many friends/acquaintances who are still in the military that infidelity is pretty common behavior among military marriages. We also have contractors who live in GTMO. And...yes, some of them are engaging in this type of lifestyle too. My husband is a U.S. contractor on base, and this is our 1st overseas assignment and 1st contracting experience. All I can say is it's quite a learning experience for our family!

Expat fan in GTMO
P.S. I totally agree with your decision NOT to say anything to your friend or friend's friend about what happened and to keep your distance from this unfaithful loser.