Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Online Dating

Ok, so I am just going to come out and admit that I have been dabling with online dating of late.  Why?  Why do you think?  ... because I'm frick-in bored.  My work hours are 8:30 to 6 which leaves little time to meet people and its too hot outside now to go out in the evenings, so... whatever.

I don't use my real name.  I don't use my real photo. I am completely up-front and honest about that.  I'm not going to post all my personal stuff in a country that is as small as a postage stamp.  Nooooo.

So, what kind of mens have I been meeting?  Well, in real life, very few.  They never make it that far.  In virtual reality, I have met a ton of losers. Let's break it down, shall we?

First, the photos THEY post:
Photos holding their babies.  Photos of them half-neked (and NOT well-toned).  Photos which are obviously their wedding photos with the wife cut out.  And then there are the guys who think it is "cool" to post ugly photos downloaded from the internet.  What are these people thinkin?  At least make it appealing - and SMILE.  They shouldn't be mugshots.  No one wants to see that.

So por moi, every once in a while, I decide to change it up and change my profile picture to another pretty picture from the internet (I actually state this on my profile).  I get more hits.  I often get hits from the same losers who have written to me before.  They never remember chatting with me with a previous picture.  Weird, eh?

It says on my  profile that I don't read Arabic.  So, of course, they all write to me in Arabic.  Thanks.  If you can't pay THAT much attention, then it is a bad sign from the get-go.

So, let's just say that I might get as far as chatting online for several days with a guy. We exchange real photos.  Then, we exchange numbers.  So far, so good, right?   NO.  Because this isn't good enough for the Losers.  It isn't good enough that you should talk to someone like a human.  They want to continue to chat on another  medium like WhatsApp.  Pick up the phone, dumbass, and talk to me!  Or, they call through Viber or Tango trying to connect a video call so they can further see what I look like.  Someday, they are going to invent a device where you can pre-program recorded responses and you won't ever have to lift a finger.  What ever happened to meeting humans over a cup of coffee?  Has it gone this far?  How boring.

I've had a few guys invite me to dinner after all.  Great!  That is what we want to hear!  .... Unfortunately, it has turned out that they were inviting themselves to "dinner" at my house.  Not gonna happen.

Now when I'm asked, "Do you live alone?"  I know how to respond.  'I live with my uncle.  He's in charge of training the attack dogs for the military.  We've always got a few dogs in the house that he brings home.  I love dogs, don't you?'  Hey... how bout you just invite me to YOUR house?  Maybe your moms can cook us dinner.

I have friends (both Kuwaiti and non-Kuwaiti) who have met and married people through online dating.  I met 2 of my very dear friends on the internet.  One never knows.  Online dating is just another medium to meet people - and it is a lot safer in Kuwait (statistically, no serial killers).  I have come across several of my friends on the online dating sites. That is fascinating - especially since they posted their real photos and both are still married.

What has been my worst online dating experience?  I honestly haven't had (Mashallah) really bad problems.  The worst was probably the uber-rich guy who told me his full name (Flan Flan Flan Flan Al-Flan), what businesses his father owns, how many cars he has, how he has "palaces" all over the world full of "servants" (who TALKS like that???  Nouveau riche apparently.), and started speaking to me in both German and Italian to try to impress me (neither of which I speak).  Never let me get a word in edgewise.  Never asked about ME.   Then, he turned out to be a crazy stalker and called to shout obscenities at me.  Very posessive and demanding. Now, if you are well-known (and you've just told me that in a million different ways in 20 minutes), you probably shouldn't be a jerk because now I can run around and tell all my friends stories about you that will be told in countless diwaniyas.   Bada BING.  Be polite because you never know who you might be talking to or who they might know.  Not good, stupid ugly rich dude.

Really - what do we women want?  I'm not online because I need you to pay my mobile phone bill or rent.  I really just want a nice guy (and ok, I know I'm picky) and I want him to be "normal".  Nice conversation. SINGLE. Dinner someplace nice without a cabina.  Keep his promises (don't make a dinner date and then change it because YOU have to work.  I don't care. A bad first impression is a bad first impression.)  Respect.  Et, why should we have to weed out those guys who are just after sex?  State your plan in the beginning so I can get rid of you right away.  Why waste both our time?  Move on to someone who DOES need her rent paid.

What was the best date I had with a guy I met on the net?  Oh, that's easy.  We went to a restaurant that he asked me to choose.  We talked for 4 hours straight and he was totally interested in everything I had to say and it was mutual.  Neither of us ate very much, but we closed the place down.  We didn't even realize that everyone else had left.  Romantically, it didn't blossom into anything (although it remains to be seen).  We just had a great time and I was blessed to have met someone wonderful.  I think he feels the same way about me and that is never a bad thing, is it? I mean, if I had met the guy in other more "conventional" ways, it would also have been a roll of the dice, wouldn't it? 

29 comments:

Ahmed said...

Unfortunately all the online dating websites and applications are considered as a place for "different type of exercises" to be done.
Yes there is no serial killers all over the middle east and there is almost no PURE organized crimes "xpt financial". But there are a lot of racists or sex offenders. 

On the other hand, as a guy, I could find around an "interesting character" for just casual dating "this is my needs currently" . And after making sure of that, suddenly, she starts to whatsapp plus facebook plus twitter plus viber plus whatever... All together in the same time!! And the dating become a f* parallel virtual life!! And a fake social relation that could exist by better ways and for greater means. 

Or she just asked if I do love her or not! " True Story" and everything get rushed. And always a devastating end point. 

Here around; We are not dealing with concept of dating wisely and maturely.

As a guy hovering internet since introduced in kuwait in 1998, I can differentiate between fake photo or true one. What i can't understand, for what reason anybody get attracted to a fake photo and I am sure it is fake!? :).

American Girl said...

I see absolutely nothing wrong with online dating. My best friend's brother met his wife online back in the 90's when it was still a taboo thing to do. They've now been married almost 15 years, have 2 beautiful children, and are the happiest couple I know. It's just another way to meet people when a busy life doesn't allow 'hanging out' all day. Especially in a country where approaching a woman can be disrespectful and frowned upon.

After my first contact with T, via email, about business -- because YOU had blogged about him (I still can't thank you enough) -- we just kinda 'hit it off'. After a few casual phone calls, not related to business, we both agreed there was a mutual interest... but also agreed we had NO interest in a telephone relationship. We then agreed we would meet within 10 days and see where it went from there. The rest is history.

I think what you're doing is fine, and I think you're doing it the right way by knowing what you want out of this and not settling for anything less.

Ahmed said...

I am so sorry reminding you. My bad :-(

Ali Albaghli said...

There was a commercial that played in the US either by match or eHarmony stating that 1 out of 5 relationships today started online. That's quite a big chunk. I have no problem admitting that I tried online dating. I got lazy after a few days and gave up. It's funny that I also found profiles of friends in supposedly "happy" relationships. On an unrelated note, do u think maybe you can get one of this guys to pay my bills? I'll happily send them all my pictures and chat their ears off on whats app. lol

Desert Girl said...

Ahmed - No problem. Reminding me of what?

American - True. :)

Ali - Where is your profile. ;) You're cute. Em... I don't want to think about what you would have to do to have one of those guys pay your bills, but hey - I don't judge. :)

1 in 5 seems high, but then if you consider how many people consider meeting online to be something negative, then maybe a lot of people have indeed met online and then lied about how they met.... Like my friend, N, who met a girl (both Kuwaiti) online who turned out to be a friend of the family who he had never met. They got married and made up some BS to their families about how they met. Every now and then, I try to blackmail them. :) Which reminds me - it is probably blackmail time of year again. I gots to go call him.

Abmaster said...

This is one of the funniest things Ive read in ages! Its not that easy for us guys either...with all the douche bags here in K-Town, it gives us normal guys a bad rep.
You know the old saying..once you stop looking it will find you. Its fustrating but true

Peace

Ali Albaghli said...

haha thanks but im currently taken. My profile would only have been seen to residents of Ohio. Its deactivated now. I would never bother trying online dating in Kuwait personally. It isn't the stigma of online dating that I'm worried about but the fact that I wouldn't expect to find a longterm relationship type of person on there. As for the statistic, I'm sure the commercial meant relationships in the US. I believe it. I know a lot of people who met online. They are all somewhat older. I'm 24. If i'm single at 30 then I'll probably give it another try.

Expat and the City said...

I just wish for you to find that amazing guy that you deserve. You already found him once and I know you will again. I wish I knew someone good enough for you. That's not an easy find. :*

The Kuwaiti Godfather said...

I believe online dating is a great way to find a woman but it is very difficult to find your soul mate. I am fed up of online dating as it doesn't lead to anything important and why waste time on someone who isn't right?

Why search for a relationship when you should be searching for the right soul mate? As for dinner!! I would rather invite the woman home and personally cook for her cuisine style :$

I have been looking to make friends with women in the society but as an Expat in this country it is harder then you think as everyone is sooo busy with their own life and don't intend to grow their circle of friends.

I admit I am not the most attractive guy on Earth and nor am I perfect but I try my best to be as amazing as I can be. I am chubby but cute, classic yet funny.

Anonymous said...

Hey there, what site did you use? I'm new to the country and unplugged into the scene with no idea on how to break in. I'm a very eligible dude and want to try this out. Thanks!

Ambazon said...

I think online dating is fun... BUT I found it to be VERY repetitive... Always being asked the same questions... Blah Blah Blah... People always thought that I was using a fake photo... No offense... I don't know why people do that??? But to each their own... Twitter used to bring me a lot of un-wanted attention as well. Just driving in KUWAIT is a way to meet men... I basically get pushed off the road... They say when you are not looking... You get found. I believe that! It will happen for you!

Anonymous said...

Which site do u use? I've tried Skout .. It's rediculously hilarious what you see on there!

Anonymous said...

There's skout, badoo and who's here .. Lemme know ur ID :)

AEM said...

As a Kuwaiti guy that was in the US for 12 years (college,med school, residency) I can attest to the screw ups in both cultures when it comes to dating period. Honestly, I struggle to relate to either cultures even when I try my hardest. Having said that what follows is my two cents on online dating given I have no first hand experience at the issue:
1-a dozen of my friends in the US met online, the common theme seemed to be matching similarities and therefore obviously had a ton in common. Another common thing was they also almost always lacked that passionate connection, seemed fake to me personally.
2-most Kuwaiti marriage seems the same damn thing, you plug a couple of requests and viola, you get these girls that you go and date, propose to, and marry, again because it was somewhat premeditated lacks spark/fire, and they end up unfortunately back online (figuratively) and sometimes literally looking for something else.
3-I've only been back for 6 weeks and I see that people rarely talk in public, so how the hell are you supposed to make friends and go through the natural escalation of a relationship. I obviously wouldn't dare hit on a girl and ask her out in Kuwait.
4-online space in Kuwait hasn't bloomed yet, and is very misunderstood, take instagram for example it's used for ordering food!!!! Once we stop driving on the safety lane, quit butting in line I think only then you will find an accountable gentleman online in Kuwait.

Cheers,
Me

Kuwaitiful said...

"full name (Flan Flan Flan Flan Al-Flan)"

LOL made my day.

Angela morris said...

Online Dating requires people to fill out a questionnaire, which is a tool often used by sociologists to gain information on an individual. The problem with these questionanaires is that most of the information is gained from closed-ended questions. For example, online dating sites ask you your weight. The only answer you can give to this question is numerical and they do not allow you to ellaborate so the question is closed-ended. Open-ended questions allow you to ellaborate and add a personal sense to your answer. This is why open-ended questions need to be asked on a blind date because they allow you to truely get to know and experience the person, as opposed to the questionnaire that just gives you general information.

Kuwaitia said...

Discalimer: Sorry DG this is my first comment on your blog and I'm targeting it towards one of the commenters.

AEM you wrote "I obviously wouldn't dare hit on a girl and ask her out in Kuwait.
"
I am very interested in this very common POV since I do see some men interested but I feel like they wouldn't dare ask. So my question is what if she (a Kuwaiti) approached you and went like "Hey would like to have a cup of coffee?" would you accept? or would you freak out because that's just too forward for a Kuwaitia?

Desert Girl said...

Angela - I never pay attention to those online quizzes. I like Badoo, for example, because it gives you the opportunity to chat and ask questions. I see online dating as just a medium to meet a person. Only when you sit down with them for the first time and have a decent conversation can you determine if 1) there is any chemistry (lots of times there isn't) and if you have shared interests.

Kuwaitia - Welcome and GOOD questions! Would you be okay with a Kuwaiti man approaching you? I'm hoping that the answer is yes because I love to hear about more forward-thinking women here.:)

Kuwaitiful - I'm glad someone understands me.

NYC Expat said...

@ AEM,

Thanks. You came closest to my thoughts on online "dating" and Kuwait.

The Kuwaiti Godfather said...

I am onboard with AEM in that I wouldn't just approach a woman even if I was interested as I know that most women don't like it or they play hard to get (although they sometimes do like the person). I obviously don't do it because I do tend to get shy around attractive women and yeah Kuwaiti women are very attractive :) (Well most women on this Earth are attractive)

To answer Kuwaitia's question to AEM - Well if a woman came up to me and asked me for a cup of coffee I would accept but you would get a shocked look with a blushy face from me :$ I know I need to be more self confident. It is unusual for a woman to ask a man especially in this society but it would be great in my opinion.

Another issue I guess is that women normally speak Arabic here which can sometimes be hard on us European guys (not me per say) and with Arab women what should I guy say? I mean how does a guy really get a woman? And when I say get I mean it in a friendship that could lead to a long lasting relationship (yeah I go from friendship to marriage ... no bf/gf relationship)

Finally it is important for women online to understand not all men are the same. Some want to have sex while others want friendship while others want to get married. Don't judge before giving the guy a chance I guess as you never know you might end up loving him eventually.

Desert Girl said...

I'm really glad I posted about this subject. At first, I was reluctant. As Stella says, "You know... you're not anonymous anymore...." (Not that I care so much because what you see is what you get.) Now that I see how many responses I've received - and how many are really sincere and interesting - I'm very glad I did.

Kuwaitia again said...

To answer your question: yes only if he's not a playa and that's difficult to spot sometimes.

The main intention behind this is to have a long term relationship (marriage) and this is how Kuwaitis arrange marriage in the first place. They meet for coffee/tea at home (with a chaperone) or in a public place, then decide if they are compatible etc. if they are then they continue dating and if that continues well, they publicly announce the engagement. It's all very Jane Austen you see.

Ofcourse I would like to try to ask someone but so far I have always chickened out. I know there's nothing wrong with it, its just coffee for goodness sake.
I keep telling myself that I owe it to myself to find that special someone but its easier said than done!

The Kuwaiti Godfather said...

Kuwaitia: I also chicken out when I think about going ahead and talking to someone I just met. The things that run in my mind are what if she says no? Ok no worries but what if she decides to slap me or makes a scene? Lol There are many other things as well. I have never approached a woman in public and yeah I believe it is easier said then done. I wish I could make friends at the least (those who make your life better and whom you cannot live without)

I don't get why Arab women don't like men from the United Kingdom in Kuwait? Ok I am actually from many different countries but at the end of the day I am human. I guess it is because they feel it won't go anywhere? Is it true that Kuwaiti families don't accept Western men as son-in-laws? It is quite different in Saudi Arabia though.

P.S. Word of advice: It is easy to spot a playa. Just don't give in easily and give it time to get to know the guy. A playa will never wait for long to get what he wants and leaves eventually but a true man sticks around no matter what and even if he intended to be a playa he can change to liking you depending on how he sees you. You never know. I'm not a player (hate them) My biggest weakness is love, I love easily and I believe it is due to never being loved back before. Relationship wise I would be embarrassed as I ever had one gf for a day :p it wasn't for me but anyways that's another story for my blog.

Jason Sullivan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
عادل الكويتي said...

Hi ,
I am interested which site did you use?
There is to many of them, and I am new to this on line dating, I would like to join a legitimate on

Thank you,

http://q8hope.blogspot.com/

Ron Murray said...

Hi, so many online dating sites is available

Stiggle is one of them ,which will not isolate and judge the individual but connect you to each other world wide.

Anyone can try this free .online dating application .

Ajeel said...

Hi I have been discouraged by the whole dating in Kuwait. I'm full Kuwaiti but i go against all that is considered the norm in Kuwait. Having spent the most crucial part of my life in the US i couldn't accept the whole traditional Kuwaiti life, with arranged marriages, dishdashas on the daily and eating machboos every day for lunch. after giving all that a try i tossed it aside, one thing i couldn't bring my self to doing was date in Kuwait for one its frowned upon, secondly the whole gizzing in cars seems degrading to women. Im 25 and i dont want to get married any time soon but i miss having a naggy voice in my life, being single is awesome but having someone constantly openly pointing out flaws has its charm. last girl i dated ruined the prospect of dating in Kuwait for me.

I don't want to sound so awkwardly desperate, i always seem to make it sound so, but there's got to be people who think dating should be a norm in Kuwait. Anyway, i just ran into your blog and there seems to be a lot of people following you so i thought id chime in.

Bulgarian girl said...

Hey,guys,what happened to a good old going out to run eerands and running into a nice stranger here?When i first came in K,that was exactly how i have met all my friends (who i am still in touch with)!You will be walking in a mall and someone would just approach you with a nice casual conversation and it all looked pleasantly familiar since in Europe (at my least in Bulgaria)that is the only way one meets another!
I think online dating is for loners or people who are afraid of socializing directly,or for some is just an experiment of some kind,others just wanna waste their time...In the case of the blogger,i think it is experimenting so i would do it for a while and as you (Desert girl) mentioned it will quickly get so boring...
And then i wonder-what is the real problem among us young people living in Kuwait!I think it is mostly the fake life and the wrong-interpretation of morals that some follow here and it is all for the sake of pleasing the society-the very same society that creates the loneliness!Cause we all know we can never please everyone and be pleased in the same time..
Living here made me reallize the society here still lives with a twisted idea of "casts" or labeling people (mostly based on nationality),so this creates groups of individuals who act the same way (same same) and despite all saying this exact phrase:"I am different from the other Kuwaities,i lived abroad,all my friends are Americans or Europians"etc.
But when you really observe carefully and pay attention you will quickly come to know that those groups are all the same from within their core,there is no individualism in K,what is different is Bad,Not accepted,Only the known and controllable is OK.Common examples:
1.The guy who will party all weekend,have a nest somewhere,a secret place,because he is too afraid to show his family what he really wants (party,get wasted and get naked),which is actually pretty normal for a teenager and Not for a grown-up.So he would go back to Base (Home) to his family,brush his teeth,wash the wild night smell away and attend a family lunch or even worse-a prayer as a devoted Muslim or Christian or whichever relligion his family is serving..And thats how fakeness is created,not strangely his/her own mother does not know who her son/daughter is...Very sad!
2.Marriage/Relationship seekers will go too far to impress someone and then suddenly it all goes from good to bad and from bad to worse.Like the married woman with 6-7 kuds,who will drive down the Gulf road,looking all shiny and with a mask on (full clown make-up) and she will be chasing down 18 years old guys,to pull them over,offer even money and lure them into her secret nest...Wearing abaya,under nothing,finish her 15 min.of pleasure and go to her kids school to pick them up,continue her day,as if nothing wrong happened..So sad and fake and wrong.
3.Women lost their feminine side and men list their men-hood!The girl who will board the plane,go to Bangkok and come back and surprise-she is a he now and vice versa....
Bottom line-too many things went wrong in our planet and for a struggling-with -their-true-identity young society,this is all more devastating.
If i am in a position to give advises,i would say:If you want to meet your true match,all you need to do is simply sit back and enjoy the life ride,be impulsive,go out there and be yourself,
Make a bucket list and follow it,be friendly and genuine and most of all-SMILE to strangers more often,say hello to anyone who is staring at you,and simply do not care if everyone finds out who you really are,because only then someone will choose YOU over anyone else!

Desert Girl said...

Thanks, Bulgarian Girl. Everybody has their own perspective on the way it should be done and no one thing is right for everyone.

I know of 3 Kuwaiti couples who met and married from online dating sites. They too know that there are a lot of players out there and they had to be very specific about their intentions from the beginning. Of course, Kuwaitis aren't going to openly discuss that they met online when you ask how they met. One couple I know is VERY religious, for example.

So, whatever works for you, works for you and that's great.