Monday, August 06, 2012

How Bizarre

That was my theme song when I moved to Kuwait in 1996; the year it came out.  I used to hear it on one of the only good channels (MTV?  VH1?) on TV in my room in the Kuwait Plaza Hotel (now called the Suisse Belle Hotel or something stupid like that).  I was the only woman guest in that hotel.  The front desk guys used to give me weird pervert vibes and I'm sure they were listening in on my phone calls. That was a really strange time. My friend's husband came to take me to the doctor because I was so so sick with the flu and the hotel management accused me of being a prostitute because friend's husband came to the room to get me!  Friend's Kuwaiti husband was this || close to knocking the manager's head in (I stopped him).  WTF.   The only other people in the hotel were CIA types with names like "Frenchy" and "Dutch".  ("Soooo.... where do YOU work?" nudge nudge wink wink.)  Not to mention that I was working for a subsidiary of Kuwait Friendly House and had to wear hejab to work every day.  That meant having to LEARN how to wear hejab without looking like a clown. (The people who worked there must have thought I was totally wrong.  I would wear the hejab to work and then go out later walking without it.)   I think that normal humans would have felt threatened by it all.  To me, it was like one big adventure.

Anyhooo, random thoughts gone astray.  My nephew is moving out of the house to go to university this week and it is a life-altering move, similar to my move to Kuwait, so I am thinking about  how he must feel (empathizing).  He probably won't bring his teddy bear ("Beary Bear" in my case) like I did.  I've had Beary Bear since I was 5.  Did you really think I would leave him?

It is green here.  It is pretty.  People follow rules and for the most part, 99% of the people I have come into contact here have been kind (smiled or had kind things to say).  Having said that, I do miss my friends in Kuwait.  I miss Bu Merdas (yes, he's back on the scene).  There are other things I miss too, but not in large quantities.  Maybe that will change.

I'm doing some soul searching here as I always do so if I sound melancholy (PUHLEEZE do not start reading too much into it and writing to me to tell me in a forced-sympathetic way, "Honey, it's time for you to go home."  Not your business and I didn't ask you.), it is only because of that.  It is hard not to contemplate life when you are around this much beauty.

Ok, some observations here:

Why don't people move out of the left lane?  I mean OMG, Becky, get your fat ass over to the right where you belong!  People from Pennsylvania have been the worst.  Oh, and if, God Forbid, you get in FRONT of someone from New Jersey, they honk their horns and flip you the bird all the way down the road. There's no forgiveness there.  Get.Out.Of.The.Phucking.Way!

I saw the movie, "Phenomenon", starring John Travolta last night while in the company of my family.  I believe that the movie reveals the true meaning of life and death:  Energy.  Where does it all go and how are YOU using it?

Positive energy:  I am looking for a new job.  If anyone wants to employ me:

The Romanian has 100% turned her lifestyle around because of her heart attack.  Before I left Kuwait, I had my blood checked and my blood sugar level is high.  In all honesty, I've been a lethargic thang for a long time and have known that I need to do something to get moving.  So, we are both on health kicks.  It is really easy to get complacent in Kuwait.  I don't want to do it anymore.  I'm exercising and eating right.  Did you know that Klondike makes a sugar free ice cream bar?  Who KNEW, right?  Oh ma Gawd!  Why don't we have this kind of selection in Kuwait?  (I would say here, 'The Government should do more to bring better foods into Kuwait' but just thinking it is sending me into a giggle fit because it is such an oxymoron.)

Having said that, if anyone would like to gift me a free gym membership in return for promotional consideration:  I'm leaning towards the Radisson because it is right across the street from my house and there aren't as many speedo-clad posers as the Palms.  Ick.  Gelled-back, shiny-long-shoe wearing mofos who drive BMWs and used Range Rovers and live in tiny apartments with 3 room mates all complaining about how Kuwait isn't chic enough for them.  No thank you.

(Totally random):  My favorite new store here is Stein Mart.  Yes, you heard it, folks.  A Jewish department store. I love their stuff and will drive for miles to get to one.  My sister in Texas turned me on to Stein Mart.  So get this:  Yesterday, I was in one of their stores and a Moslem guy walked past me wearing a short dishtasha and qutara (no aghal).  I thought I was in Kuwait for a minute and then I laughed (out loud) at myself.  Dude shot me a very dirty look and probably thought I was laughing at HIM.  Well, WTF?!  I mean, a short-dishtasha-wearing dude in a store called Stein Mart??  How out-of-place does that appear to be?  Lucky he wasn't hauled off for questioning.  I thought about it later.  How random was that?  Very odd!

My sister is still pondering the reasons that I have been carded TWICE and now it has turned into a topic of conversation during pillow talk for her and my brother-in-law.  Tee heeeee.  Now, you have to understand that my sister is younger than me and drop-dead gorgeous.  I used to be the pretty kid and she was the pudgy kid.  But then around high school, things changed.   Now I'm pudgy and she's pretty.  She was even a leg model for a while.   So, one might imagine how this would be upsetting to her.  Her husband said, "C'mon.  Does she (me) really look 21 or younger?"  Why yes, I do actually and the proof has been the TWO TIMES I've been carded here by people who took their jobs quite seriously, thankyouverymuch.  They could lose their jobs and be sued if they didn't get my ID.  It is a very serious matter.  MASHALLAH. LOOOOOL.  Why you gotta be haters?

I need to go through my sister's make-up now.  It is my ritual when I come to visit to see if anything is worthy of stealing.  I'm sure she knows this.  If she didn't, she does now.  Most of the time, I don't see anything I like and if I do and then steal it, I feel guilty and tell her outright that I did it.  "I stole your Chanel foundation. Sorry, but I did and I'm keeping it."  Bada BING.  Hey!  She's welcome to come to my house in Kuwait ANY time and do the same thing to me.  She won't find Chanel, but she's welcome to anything else.  It's what sisters do, right?  Borrow, aka steal.

Have any of you been into Spencer's Gifts lately?  O.M.G.!  It has turned into a sex shop.  I love it.  It is totally mainstream, but then you walk in and start seeing walls of "things."  I got out my camera and started clicking.  People must think (rightfully so) that I'm insane.  I sent a picture of the GILF Love Doll to Special K.  K is one of the few people in my life who can truly appreciate that type of humor.  Innocents:  GILF means "Grandma I'd like to (friend)."  Maybe for your birthday, K!  (Now I'm just cracking myself up.) That store has been around since I was a teenager.  We used to go there to buy posters and stupid stuff (just as my nephew is doing now.  Dude!  Who wants a poster of THAT for your dorm room.

Why am I in here when the weather is nice and I'm going swimming now.  Happy day, y'alls, from the northern-most Southern State of Virginia!


Musingskwt said...

Surrounded by greenery, not such a big change from Kuwait is it? hehehe (ok, lame I know) Ur right about the sisters' part btw:p I am a proud "borrower" of my sister's things.

Hope ur having a good time in the states.

I for one can't wait till I'm done with my summer course and get back home.

Wish me luck :D!

Anonymous said...

I think you should strongly consider moving back near your family and start writing books. I think you would make a good writer, maybe you can write a book about your life experiences in Kuwait or write a fiction novel that is staged in the middle-east AND maybe put some bondage in it. I just finished the trilogy of 50 Shades of Grey and I am looking for a new book - I'll buy it!

Desert Girl said...

Anonymous 4:07 - Thanks for the compliment, but if you're comparing my writing to 50 Shades of Grey, that's not really a good thing. :) I thought those books sucked. Soooo predictable. And if I want good porn novels, I'll just order Penthouse Letters. 50 Shades put me to sleep.

I appreciate your advice, though, but people are always telling me to move. Life IS movement. everything is on it's way to somewhere else. You are. I am. If I weren't living in Kuwait writing about experiences, there would be no need for the blog, right?

Anonymous said...

B&H Photo/Video out of New York. Jewish owned and operated. great prices and the ship to APO.

At work, the group in my area usually use them for most photo and electronics.

One of the Kuwaiti's in our building ended up ordering something from them and had shipped through the APO.

When I heard he went through B&H, I told him about the connection with the Jewish, he just laughed and said he love the jews.


jessielovestorun said...

Please tell me you are still in Kuwait?? My husband was offered a job out here a few months ago, so here we are. I have yet to meet anyone!!

Anonymous said...

^Jessie loves to run, check out the Hash House Harriers if they're still running around...they love to run, too ;)

krisq8 said...

'there aren't as many speedo-clad posers as the Palms. Ick. Gelled-back, shiny-long-shoe wearing mofos who drive BMWs and used Range Rovers and live in tiny apartments with 3 room mates all complaining about how Kuwait isn't chic enough for them. No thank you.'...Hilarious! : ) u wouldn't by any chance be talkin' bout, as i like to call 'em, Zalamites (Derived from the word Zalamath; (plural q80 nick for people of the SHAM or Levant Region) would you?)....