Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Waaa Wrong Chair Part Deux (I crack myself up)

More from the peanut gallery

Oh yeah, baybee. I know I'm "enthralled". Are YOU enthralled? This one has a look on her face like the damn chair SMELLS BAD. Or maybe, "Hey, this chair is way too big for my skinny ass." That's just phucking enthralling, so it is.

And speaking of enthralling.... let me tell you about my life.

I went to a meeting of western people yesterday. I am a relatively forward, sometimes agressive person. And yet, I HATE to speak in public. I don't like it. I blush. I stammer. I get myself into trouble. I crack jokes when I get nervous - often not thinking about the consequences of what I might be saying.

Yesterday, the crowd was frosty and boring (unfortunately, as usual). They are about as stuffy as a frog's ass is water-tight. So, someone (who is 'sposed to be my friend) asked me to come up to the podium. I didn't know why. I hadn't prepared for this. Why did she set me up? I hate that! Anyways, she said (in front of all those people), "Tell us a little about yourself and what you do and pick a number for the draw." Oh SNAP! I am sure that the death rays coming from my eyes woulda killed her fer sure. The only thing I could think of was, "Hi. I'm (Desert Girl) and I'm an alcoholic. It has been 4 days, 12 hours, and 3 minutes since my last drink...." DEAD PHUCKING SILENCE (a few chuckles). "Anyhooo, moving right along..."

People should know better than to set me up without prior warning. I figure they'll never ask me to speak at one of those functions again (I'm hoping). A few people in the crowd came up to me later. Comments ranged from, "Are you really an alcoholic? I didn't know if you were joking or not." to "There is no shame in alcoholism..." Okey dokey.

People have no sense of humor here. They lose it. Everything is so deadly serious. LIGHTEN UP, WHITE PEOPLE! What, did Al-Qaeda steal your sense of humor? Jeez.


Intlxpatr said...

DYING LAUGHING! Oh, I'd give anything to have been at that meeting.

Purgatory said...

You scared the poor old people, must have been your black hair.