This One’s For the Girls - DG 2007 Product Review

I am stepping off my soap box for a little while to catch up on my life and provide some frivilous banter. I don't care if you need it. I do!

I took a little trip to blogland and checked out what’s happening out there. I want to state clearly that Purgy’s statement is totally true: “Sushi women - more erotic, more exotic and they love you long time.” There has been some debate about the affect of sushi (and seafood in general for that matter) on the female libido (as it has often been heard around here that “men eat seafood because it is good for your back. Harr harr harr.”) and let me just tell you – sushi DOES have a very positive affect. Yeah, baybeee. Sushi: It’s what’s for dinner. If most stupid men really want to score, they should take sushi-lovin’-women out to eat sushi. That is my philosophy in a nutsack… uh, nutshell.

Speaking of nut sacks, a guy in my office told me a story (HE used the phrase “nut sack” – I wouldn’t cause I think it is crass) about his friends’ wife. Every time she though her husband was on the prowl, she would make him get into the bathtub to see if his balls would sink or float. (Have you ever heard of such a thing? I hadn’t…) Anyhooo, if the balls sink, then he was apparently faithful. Kind of a gross little anecdote, but trivia worth passing along to those-in-doubt, nevertheless. I just want to know how she would force him to get into the bathtub. If I were a guy, I sure wouldn’t.

Segue (yes, I learned how to spell that word, thankyouverymuch)….

I’m still sick. This is Month 2. It was in my throat and moved into my chest, where it stayed for a while. Then, it went back up and got into my nose, wreaking havoc with sneezing, wheezing, and all that nastiness (Slapperella hates dirty Kleenex, so I couldn’t even invite her over – who would want to come visit me anyways?). Ok, so now, it is in my ears and the only place to go from there is empty air above. I went to an ENT doctor yesterday who stuck things in my ears (I’m no longer an ear-virgin – as if there was any question) and got some yukky stuff out and now I can hear out of one of them. WTF? Slapperella has already been making “old” jokes, but this is just shameful. I almost cried the other night when she was talking to me in me bad ear and making fun because I couldn’t hear it. THESE are my friends!!! Why?? Just because I talk about “my ailments” and keep the temperature in my apartment at a steady 78 degrees? I am even starting to take it personally when I sign into blogger.com and they ask you if you are an “old blogger”. WTF?

I asked my FRIEND, Bobarino, to bring me back several bottles of my new favorite hair stuff: John Frieda’s Luminous Color Glaze. He balked at the idea of spending $10 on “shampoo” (which it actually isn’t), as the most he has ever “splurged on” is Head and Shoulders; which is, perhaps, why his hair is missing. The only reason I use that paint-stripper is when I go to the salon and they F it up making it too dark. Anyhoo, the most I have spent on “hair stuff” is $50 for an 8 oz. bottle of Prive’ conditioner - Herbal Blend #26 (well worth it and smells soooooo good).

WARNING: This next paragraph may bore men to tears. Viewer discretion advised.

This entire conversation with Bobarino got me to thinking about the PRODUCTS I “can’t live without”. The Color Glaze is the latest. First of all, way-back, I was a fan of cellophane treatments for hair. I usually had the treatments right after having my hair highlighted; the cellophane adds shine over color and locks-in moisture. I’ve had it done here at Images Salon for the whopping cost of 25 KD per treatment (which, at the time, I still considered worth it). Now, John Frieda has it in a bottle for $10!!! You apply it for 3 minutes after your regular shampoo and conditioner for 3 days in a row and you are good to go for about a month of shiny hair. They have it in blonde, brunette and red. Very cool product. I started using Cibu products in the States – "Hi-Ya" hair conditioner and "Tsu Shine" hair shiny stuff (which actually de-fizzes in the summer). Aveda makes a great conditioner for really dry hair, Damage Remedy. I have a hard time with shampoos; just started using Sunsilk's summer formula (the watermelon stuff) and like it a lot. I'm usually one of those people who only buys "salon products". Aveda’s rosemary mint shampoo is ok once in a while too, but if I use it all the time, my hair starts frizzing up again. My date-a-liscious must-have is Dessert Delisciously Kissable Sugar Scrub by Jessica Simpson. First off, this stuff leaves you feeling really smooth and it smells great. The added bonus is that it tastes good (to whoever). They sell it in Kuwait now too in Debenhams and The Visitor shops. I’ve gotten 2 of my Kuwaiti girlfriends hooked on Go Smile; it totally whitens your teeth. When I saw my sister at Christmas, her teeth blinded me with whiteness; she uses Go Smile every day. You can get it from stores for a month’s supply for around $40. They come in little vials that you break and apply to your teeth – kind of like a mishwak (which is probably why my Bedouin girlfriend flipped over it!). BTW - Maidan Clinic is going to be offering Brite Smile soon. In Virginia, they have laser teeth whitening shops in the MALL. Oh, for nails I can’t live without Revlon Colorstay polish. First off, because I have an allergy to formaldehyde resin (go figure, but my nails will just fall off if I use any product with it in there – it’s gross – kind of like in the movie “The Fly”). Also, this nail polish lasts a lot longer. My favorite color is Scarlet.

Do I consider myself “high maintenance”? Yes, as it applies only to me. As it applies to relationshits: Would a guy find me “high maintenance”? No.

Ok, about the mens…. Out of the 7 guys I met on New Years day and the 2 the next day (men still do like me even when I’m sick), I am only talking to one (and that’s only because he is a bay-beee and very persistent; thinks he’s in love). The latest one that (I forgot his name) was put on my “DNA” (Do Not Answer) phone list (complete with “waaaaaaaa ge6eeeeeee3a” ringtone) after we (me, Slapperella, and Romanian) saw him at Souq Sharq sitting ALONE at the very next table and wouldn’t come over and 1) talk to us and/or 2) sit with us. Pussyboy. Playah. He said that he “knows too many people there.” Chel-looooo whadamI that you can’t talk to???

[Sidebar: Actually, that DNA ringtone kind of freaks me out because I hear it at night and I wonder who the hell is saying it. DNA losers always call at 2 am lookin/hopin/prayin for a booty call that never comes. (As Pink says, "It's just you and your hand tonight.") By-the-by, “waaaaaaaa ge6eeeeeee3a” kind of translates to “ew, gross” in ‘merican.]

Meanwhile, the Bay-beee (10 years younger than me and yet insists “age doesn’t matter”) is sending me 4 gazillion SMSs all day long, asking me not to “leave him”. I haven’t even sat down at a table with this person yet and he has my whole life figured out. “But… I loooooooof you”. Yeah right. So, what’s my last name? Its so stoooooooopid.

Hey, he is just one-step-up from the driver I met. You heard me. I saw this guy in a hubungous BMW and he’s lookin’ at me, and I’m lookin’ at him… and we’re getting our flirt on… and he gave me his number. Really yummy guy in guttara and aghal… (heavy sigh). Alas, he was waiting to pick up “the sheikh”…. I told Bunny this story and he laughed his ass off (actually incorrect because Bunny doesn’t have an ass). Slapperella and Romanian had a hardy harr harr too. Now all I hear is, “Are you SURE he’s not a driver???” I don’t find it humorous. Bitches.

N E X T (said while simultaneously snapping your fingers once in a circle formation over your head).

I met one with potential this weekend. He may require some training, but he’s got all the right stuff so far: Divorced. Doesn’t live at home. Good manners. Tallness. Good job. Handsome. Good English language skills. And of course… nice butt. LOL. Me likes. I’ll let you know how this pans out. It is potential fodder for yet another aggravating blog post.