Ask Me About a Fabulous Career in Bitching

You know what is messed up? I wear black almost every single day to work. I didn’t remember that today, a whole lot of people would be wearing black and I actually changed my norm by wearing other colors. I forgot that Shiites are observing Ashura. Everybody in my whole frickin office has been commenting on my colors today. I am, once again, a royal dumbass.

Why do I wear black every day to work? A) I love black 2) it is elegant and it incorporates ALL the colors C) it is mysterious; and of course 4) it is professional. You can dress it up; you can dress it down. Oh, and blondes look really good in black. Yes, they do.

One of my first jobs was in a designer clothing section at a large retail store chain. My supervisor was Mrs. Kathleen Stellock and I will never forget her. She wore black most of the time (simple black, navy, beige, brown are usually the norm with business attire – steer clear of flowery patterns and limit pastels) with wonderful accessories (good quality handbag, good quality shoes, modest jewelry that didn’t make any noise). She wore little make-up and her hair was always done modestly. She walked tall with a straight back. I wanted to engage her in personal conversations (so she would get to know me/like me better and think I was wonderfully interesting) and discuss what I did that weekend (probably while chewing gum with chipped nail polish on my fingers and a big 80’s hairstyle above whatever disco outfit was the trend back then.). She would respond with, “Mmm hmmm,” and walk away. I thought she was a total B. She turned out to be one of my very best female mentors and I never knew it at the time (she probably couldn’t stand me). She never came out and said, “Do this,” or “Do that,” but taught me subtly - just by performing her job with 100% professionalism; both through actions and through appearance.

I HATE working with flirty girly-girls; you know – the kind that giggle and wear inappropriate clothes and talk about personal stuff all day long. Leave me alone. Get out of my office. I have a rep and I live up to it. There are a LOT of these kinds of women (girls really) in this country. They are working so it looks good to a potential husband and his family. Then, after they get their degrees and have a little work experience, they leave to have babies and shout at khadamas. I believe that if you are at a job – you are ON the job. You work with professionalism and leave all the sillyness at home or at Starfucks. Or – do us all a favor and get married when you are 17 and stay out of this world entirely. It is, after all, your ultimate goal.

I had a very good Kuwaiti friend who wanted to get married years ago. He had specific requiremtents: she had to be tall; she had to be from a good family; and she had to have a university degree. I asked him if they would maybe work at the same place together. His response? “No! I don’t want my wife to WORK.” Ummmmmm. Chellloooooo….He got all that. She’s a wonderful person and I adore here, but you know what – after all that education, she is bored staying at home with the kids. Well, you know, someday when he divorces her for someone younger and more interesting (with a job and a life of her own), she’ll be able to use that degree again. Or hey – maybe just decide to travel the world on his money from the divorce.

I’m full of piss and vinegar today. I have my reasons.