Stressed

Broke up with the boyfriend.

Suicide of a friend.

My sister had a cancer scare.

Thank God, my sister's cancer scare turned out to be something else/manageable, but during the wait, I felt like my guts were ground beef.

Man oh Man!  This past month has been tough.

I was also supposed to be on a plane to DC for a convention (and to see my family) at the end of September.  The day of my travel, my residency visa was still not completed and I couldn't travel.  

I can't sleep.  I can't eat (thank God for that one!!!).  I feel sick.  I'm tired ALL the time.  I know - I will give it some time and I'll be back to me now that all the crises are over.  And please - I know you are making me strong and that adversity builds character, but seriously; I'm strong enough now.  Thank you.  No mas.  No maaaaas!

Dorothy should have been laid to rest in the UK by now but is not and no funeral service yet (which is unfortunate as she reaffirmed her faith as a Muslim by posting the Shuhada on social media before she died).   Her body was finally repatriated 5 days ago.  She died October 11th.  I feel better these days, but I can't help but think about her of course.  I decided to keep her cat, Fat F*ck Louie (who is on a low-cal cat food diet now).  I really do love him and so does Mike.  I can't shirk that kind of responsibility to a friend who has passed.  Thank God he isn't a Great Dane or a pony.  What would I do?  (Yeah, I know - probably keep either of them and find a solution...)

I can't stop thinking about the boyfriend.  I wish I could.  I will I'm sure.  But there are so many reminders.  He has his whole world around him that I had nothing to do with (friends, environment, places he goes but I probably never went to, his home with his real mom that I never visited...).  But he was integrated completely into my life.  That sucks.  It isn't fair.  Everywhere I go, he's there like a frickin ghost haunting me.  My heart is ground beef (the cheap, frozen kind, not the expensive display-case kind) for sure and that thing is going to take some time to become prime steak again.  God help him because nobody can make someone else feel this bad without some form of bad juju.  (I didn't tell-all in my posts because some things are just too private to throw out there, but maybe someday you can read about it in my book and say, "Ohmagaaaawd!"  I have stopped blaming myself completely.)

I sent my sister some flowers, thanking her for not being terminally ill.  That kind of thing really puts all other issues into perspective.  If she had cancer, it would have been pancreatic and with about a year survival rate at average.  I would have dumped everything here (except for the pets) and gone to be with my family.  I started to look around at my stuff and think nothing is more important than being with the people you love - especially during a crisis.  Nothing else matters.  When she was diagnosed with cancer way-back-when, it put a 3 year wait on my move to Kuwait.  I was ready to be there for her again at all costs.

My life sounds like a sad country music song that keeps playing over and over. I'm getting sick of my own whining about it, so I will stop now.  But - in case you are one of my friends and you haven't heard form me in a while, this is why.  I'm retreating into a quiet existence (temporarily?)  for the sake of my own sanity.  I could also be a danger to society on the roads, so not a good thing.

Peace and loves.

I just saw this on Facebook. Damn guilt!!!

Sorry, but my 3 problems listed above are not your average, every day issues, are they?  Well, arguably the boyfriend one is, but how often do I have a real boyfriend (for more than like a month?)

Joys:

Strangers who send me AMAZINGLY BEAUTIFUL e-mail messages!
Going to see the camels
Watching the cat and dog run around my apartment
Unconditional love of the cat and dog
Solving issues at work
New friends
Talking to my mom every night on the phone
Pumpkin spice lattes
Facebook for management
My new cheap bracelet from H&M
My neighbor down the road who is helping the world by becoming a bee keeper (Honey, please!  No, I mean, as in, 'I would like some of the honey they produce, please.)
The weather getting cooler
Camping season starting
Cute new Fall clothes
The neighborhood stray cats coming to greet my car every evening
Feeding the neighborhood stray cats
My noisy neighbors just moved out
Shawarmas from Shawarmamatic
Business travel
The very nice reception staff at our office building (happy mornings)
Good hair days (thank you, Mirror Mirror!!!)
Boys who smile at me because of good hair days
My friend who reads my coffee cup weekly and gives me more hope.
Complaining about my problems (sorry, but this blog was built for therapy and so it is.)