"The way they leave you tells you everything."
As you know, I got dumped by the boyfriend. (I should think of a catchy name for him, but all I can think of right now is "Asshole".) But this was not after we had a business deal together where we would split the profit. (I didn't write about this in the previous posts because I wasn't sure until now that it was intentional. It was. I have the evidence now.) He actually took ALL the profit and then dumped me. So, as you can imagine, I'm not knocking myself out too hard on blaming myself for the circumstances of the break up. I also found out that he's one of those social media creeps that has multiple accounts and probably multiple women and maybe even multiple identities. He lied to me a LOT. Fine. Bygones. I did a lot of boo-hooing and crying and being upset (and freaking out my dog), but the reality is: Now that I've stepped back and had a good ugly cry; I don't want him back now or ever. (I posted about the break up in "Epiphany" and maybe I pushed him away, but dude - pay me before you walk out! I didn't push you THAT hard. Man up, little girl! ... read on....)
His sister is one of my best friends. I love her dearly. (More on that to follow)
I am considering filing a case for the money he owes me (as he refuses to return it or even acknowledge it). I have a paper trail of bank-to-bank transfers which will help recover some of the money. I do have a witness to some of the business dealings. The rest (cash given in hand) is my word against his.
If I file a case, because of some circumstances that I won't go into here, he is really going to be in a very bad position. It will probably affect his future and lifestyle. He could even face jail time. So I have been putting it off.
Had he come to me during the break up and been an actual adult and spoken to me about this (and ANYTHING) instead of ignoring my many messages and phone calls, I might have worked it out with him. He just left like a coward. No discussion. I sent him messages recently saying, "Please work out a payment arrangement with me or I will be forced to file a case."
Arrogance is one of his very strong lack-of-character traits. His response, "I'm right. Go to court." ("Right?" Really? Seriously? I'm sorry, but no. How is taking money from anyone "right?")
So my question to you readers is this: Do I file a case and potentially ruin the guy's future or do I take the high road and let it go?
It wouldn't kill me to lose the money (around 2000 KD). I'm not so concerned about how much I get back. But - I feel like he did this intentionally to get one over on me and I'm not someone who backs down on her rights.
In his very few messages to me (and I feel this is intentional so there is no evidence of his wrong-doing) he said that he doesn't care about money and that he "just couldn't bear being with me." Fine. But you usually know that pretty soon into a relationship - not like 6 months in. And - I have known him for 3 years. But again, if he had talked to me at the time about any of his issues with me like an adult would, we could have discussed it then - and even ended it as friends or people who might say hello on the street.
I had a hard time "bearing him" at times, but it was a new relationship. I couldn't stand the fact that he kissed like a closed-mouthed chicken. (Me: 'Open your mouth.' Him: "I don't like that." WTF - are we in elementary school and you might get cooties?!) Or that I had to initiate any intimacy (but God forbid never when he was watching television). Or that he set rules for intimacy (OMG seriously?! Rules? Either you're into it or you're not. And these weren't the fun, 50-shades-of-anything type rules. They were the type of rules that went like, "Only once a week." Only this way or that way.... no snuggling, "I can't sleep." Bullshit. If you don't want to BE there - leave!). Or that I had to ask for his attention and time. "If I feel comfortable coming to you, I will." He spent most of his time with his friends. We had planned to get married (believe me, when he started spending more time with the friends, I knew it wasn't happening). He said several times that he would buy me a ring. Why doesn't your family know yet, then? Why are you lying to them about where you are on the phone? When are we getting married or at least engaged? A girl likes to plan. I was hoping to actually buy a dress and stuff. "Stop being so controlling! I AM the MAN!" Okey dokey. I can see how he couldn't "bear" being with me. That is all so controlling and manipulative of me! It was so terrible of me to lend him the money for the business deal (I got my part of the investment back, but not the profit). It was so terrible and manipulative of me to help him in other ways. Like the ten Ralph Lauren Polo shirts (that' weren't up to his standard of quality), for example.
So things got serious. He then asked me to take out a loan (his credit is bad) for a Lexus in my name and was very upset when I refused. Whaaaat? a Lexus?! Seriously? Now I'm onto his shit: "Did you call your bank? When can you do it?" 'Dude, my bank says that they don't see a ring on my finger or a marriage certificate and neither of our families know, so there is a delay...." (In other words - phuck OFF!)
We broke up via his ceasing to respond to phone calls and messages and that was it. He finally answered the phone one day about 3 weeks after the cut-off date and then hung the phone up on me. I got my spare keys back from his family because he wasn't even going to do that. Last thing I wanted was him to come around when I'm on the rebound with some other, non-chicken-lipped actual live human man.... (it could happen....)
Anyhoo, I put my feet up and I cracked open a can of whoop-ass and spoke to 2 lawyers and a legal expert. I'm well within my legal rights....
When I announced to him that I was going to file a case for the money he owed me; via text message (because he doesn't ever answer the phone), he sent my message to his sister (didn't reply to me), who immediately sent it to me and demanded to know why I would do that to her brother. (She knew that he owed me money, but she didn't know details and she didn't know how much). She sent me a few messages back (communication issues must run in the family because she wouldn't answer the phone when I called). She said, "Resolve it, but not in court! Don't forget I am his sister. If you lose him, you lose me." Yo! Did he give me a chance to resolve it? I have asked him to call me or come see me to talk about a million times. No answer. Intentional!
Now, I've lost a few friends lately and I seem to be on a roll. (I spend a LOT of time with my dog and now cat. I'm good....) His sister has been a very dear friend to me - inviting me over when she knows I'm feeling blue because of her brother. Listening to me rambling (but not in detail because why tell anyone your personal details? What happens between a man and a woman is between them.) I don't ask her questions about what happens between her and her husband (and I told her this) so why is her brother involving her in our relationship unless it is to drive a wedge into our friendship (and obviously that was his intent and it has worked). I told her if there is ANY way ANYONE could talk him into coming to me and resolving it amicably, my door and my phone is open. Let him come and talk to me like a man. I also told her that I am not her friend because he is her brother. He has other sisters. I'm not friends with them. I am her friend because I genuinely like her. But it seems like we won't be friends if I do anything to her brother in court. If she's that good of a friend - why isn't she thinking of me and what he did to me? If his intentions were good, we would still be together and he wouldn't have dumped me. Or at the very least, he would have made arrangements to pay me back. I've always been responsible. I can't stand owing people money. I wouldn't even take money from my parents. I can't imagine walking around with that, but then I am a different animal I guess.
There have been cases about this type of fraud/swindling in the Kuwaiti media: men making promises of marriage, etc. and then taking money from the woman (some women have even been stuck with large loans). Many Kuwaiti women won't file charges because it is embarrassing for them and their families. I'm not easily embarrassed and my family would support whatever I decide (but they would probably tell me to take the high road and forget I ever met him/them). I don't know if I should (?) Maybe he doing this to other women?
So, should I sue his ass or not?
Post a comment or send me an e-mail: firstname.lastname@example.org
If nothing else, your answers will be entertaining and I'm sure supportive (even if they are in Kick-My-Ass style!)