Monday, October 27, 2014

I'm a magnet for crazy

... and then into IAD and then into Kuwait
Waiting for the plane at the gate at Dulles, I see this guy who looks like a cross between Howdy Doodey and a homeless person.  He’s got crazy hair, crazy eyes, and he’s wearing a plaid suit that must have been at least 40 years old; wrinkled, unclean, and enormous on him.  He’s also wearing a baseball cap and very large shoes.  Yes, clown-like.  ... And clowns frighten me.

There are many people around, yet he comes directly towards me and asks,  “I’ve been trying to find a way out of here.  I just want some fresh air.”  I look up and say, “Excuse me?” with kind of a chuckle.  (Maybe my sister paid someone to come play a prank.  Who knows?)  “Yes, I want to go outside to get some fresh air, but I can’t find a way out.”  I said, ‘Well, you can take a tram to the main terminal and go through immigration and back out….’  Howdy is like, “No.  I just want some fresh air.” And walks away.  (Maybe I should have sent him through one of the security doors that are "alarmed"?)  Turns out he was coming to Kuwait.  That’s all we need. One more…

Is it me?

So, I board the plane and I’m having a very nice conversation with a very nice woman seated next to me.  (Actually, I talked to her for a few hours into the flight.  She was fascinating.  I never talk to people on planes because well… I’m a magnet for crazy and usually it doesn’t end well.  Like the time I spoke to a crazy Kuwaiti woman who got shetfaced drunk and howled in laughter most of the flight.  Bygones…)  Anyways, Nice Lady and I are chatting and some guy I’ve never seen  before walks up, looks straight at me and said something I couldn’t hear and looked very upset and walked away.  Nice Lady didn’t hear him either.

Why me?

So we get to Kuwait International Scareport and I’m standing in the immigration line and a big American dude walks over (through the crowd of people) straight to me and says, “Do I need a visa to this country?”  Whaaaaaaaaaat?  You fly 13 hours on a plane to a foreign country.. might you not ask that first?

(This isn’t related to “magnet for crazy” but it was the cherry on the top of my crazy re-entry trip…)  My friend, Hmood, was to pick me up at the airport.  I no longer ask/want people to come into the airport to greet me because it is such a goat rodeo and finding parking is like going to Mall of American 2 days before Christmas.  Not happenin’.  Anyways, I expect him to pick me up in either his pick up truck or his Chevy sedan.  But no… he has just bought his girlfriend a frog-green VW Beetle convertible and has come to get me, driving it.  (BTW – NOT masculine!)  I have 2 bags which were so large that they could have accommodated dead family members; one of the bags is Pepto Bismol pink.  Beetles can’t handle big bags (also don’t do very well with big drivers – just sayin’).   So, we drove down 6th Ring Road with the top down in a green frog-like car with my Pepto-pink bag teetering on the back seat.  How bizarre.

I haven’t been out much since I got back to Kuwait a little over a week ago because I’ve been very busy and I’m tired.  But, last night I’m walking da dawg on the Gulf Road.  An American woman in a car stopped so that her (maybe husband?) could look at Mikey.   They kinda stared for an inappropriately long time (with cars behind them).  I wondered if I was about to be kidnapped.  (I’m too old for that shit, really.)   The woman explained that her (maybe husband?) used to have a dog like Mikey.   I told them they should go to the Saturday afternoon dog gatherings at Messila.  She said, "Do you know Tara?" (Literally hundreds of people attend these gatherings.)  I said no.  She said, "Oh.... are you new?"  (end of conversation - they had to move along).  Huh?  So, do any of  you guys know Tara?  I've been in Kuwait 18 years and I don't know Tara.  Who tha phuck is Tara?  Well, if she’s crazy, she’ll probably find me.


Anonymous said...

ha ha. Good one. Idk who the EFF Tara is too and i was born and raised here.

if you think you attract crazy, well then you ain't seen nuthin yet.

Anonymous said...

hahaahaha "Well, if she’s crazy, she’ll probably find me."

.....Where is TARA!

Anonymous said...

It is not you, it is your persona. People direct themselves to those, in whom they find a sense of comfort, an expression which says " i am approachable , you can talk to me". It may be crazy or not crazy, but all those who approach you from the blues , might be considering you saner than themsleves.

Desert Girl said...

Anonymous 10:17 - Thank you. On my first job here in Kuwait (circa 1997), I went in to vent to my then-boss that people would come into my office (area) every day and tell me their problems and I never solicited anything, but that I was getting tired of it. He literally shouted at me and told me that it was a blessing and I should be grateful. So thank you for reminding me of this. It is a gift. maybe I can help crazy people. Maybe I should become a therapist (?)

Anonymous said...

Are you already not a therapist?? With the eyeballs eyeing your blog and people finding time from their not so busy lives to come and get a reason to smile on it.

michelle hill said...

You are a Nora. Ephron that is. I found you a year or so ago and sat laughing all through chemo. .days of laughing. Through that hell. That is quite the accomplishment..

Desert Girl said...

Michelle - I hope that you got through it ok and you are cleared now. That was an incredibly kind thing to say to me and I'm very touched by it. My sister is a cancer survivor. She has never told me much about what she went through DURING the chemo treatments. She never wanted any of us there with her or near her after. I should have insisted. I should have done more. I'm glad that as a "pay it forward" I was there for you, a stranger, in this small way. It is very humbling and your words mean more than I can relate.

So... do you know Tara? Maybe you met her while you were hooked up to the drugs? ;)

God bless, girl, and thank you for the love.