Thursday, July 04, 2013

What he said

(Ok, I will go ahead and publish it.)

This, during our FIRST conversation about marriage (a "fact-finding", what-if kind of discussion)...

What he opened with:   "I WILL marry a second wife and there's nothing you can do about it."


(So maybe homeboy did actually meet a Thai girl and fall in love...)

Me (I didn't BLINK before responding):  "Um yes, there is. I DO have a choice. Islam gives women choices.  On the day that I know you are marrying someone else, you don't have to do a thing.  You don't have to move off the sofa.  I will go to court the same day and request a divorce."

Him:  Blank stare, followed by nervous laughter.

#1 without a DOUBT the most un-romantic, dispassionate, uncompassionate,  pathetic, crappy discussion of marriage that I have ever had the misfortune to participate in IN MY LIFE.  I would rather hear some guy say, "I'm horny.  Let's get married mutaa and dooooo it.."  At least in that case, there is something of advantage in that.

Why would you start a conversation about marriage with an ending?  Why don't people think before they speak? (Or maybe - just maybe - he didn't want to have the conversation at all and was trying to push me away from the idea all together.  Well yeah, that was a success....  You got me there, buddy.  Good one!  High five!)

It's like me saying (on the first conversation), "I might get itchy feet in a few years and want to hook up with another man.  When I do, I'll ask you for a divorce, marry him, and it will be done."  (I actually did say that a little later on in the conversation in retaliation.)

Men, there are 2 times when we can get you:  When you eat and when you sleep.  THINK about it.  I hope he's wondering what was really in those chocolate chip cookies I baked him.  Mmmm mmmm good....

(Sidebar:  He was there when I lost a bunch of friends - including my best friend - and I needed someone around.  God sent him to me for a reason.  He served his purpose.)


Tisme said...

"I'm horny. Let's get married mutaa and dooooo it.." hahaha

Not many guys would say this directly ,few are actually that honest and virtuous lol

Chirp said...

Stepping stone to something better, you do not deserve this.

Expat and the City said...

First of all happy 4th! :*

He did serve his purpose and thankfully he showed his true (Thai flag) colors early on. His loss and one he will for sure regret after his $ runs out.

Anonymous said...

Has it ever occured to you that maybe, just maybe, you are not meant to marry one of these guys? Maybe it is not in the cards for you to marry a Kuwaiti? I understand that you made it your goal to marry a guy from this country, but maybe there is someone from another culture that you are meant to marry and you are wasting your time going from relationship to relationship. These people seem to have alot of issues these days and the more I read your blog, the more I am convinced that you might just be on the wrong path. Just a thought!

American Girl said...

Anonymous 8:10, I think you're mistaken when you say DG 'made it her goal' to marry someone from Kuwait. I believe, after living there so long, she has adapted to the culture and finds a sense of comfort in the way certain things are done there. I can certainly relate to that feeling. It isn't that she has her sights set on something unattainable, she's seeking someone decent in a place she's lived her adult life. That's perfectly understandable.

DG, as Expat said, he served his purpose. Live and learn but have fun doing it :)


Desert Girl said...

American Girl - Thank you (as always) for your eloquent and succinct reply. I love your perspective and appreciate your friendship and support over the years.

I have to wonder - If I were single in the US, dating nothing but American (Christian?) men and having similar dating problems (as many many many of my female friends there face), would people tell me to stop dating Americans and try another nationality? I have quite a few women my age who are still single and dealing with their own issues. Isn't it all part of being single?

American Girl said...

I totally agree, DG. One of my dearest friends here in America is a hard working, well educated, medical professional. She's attractive, fun, funny, and seems to have it all. She has no problem at all meeting men but her relationships sometimes seem to end as quickly as they began.

I once thought maybe her expectations were too high and told her so. She replied with, "No, I just refuse to settle. I deserve better". I realized then, she DOES have it all.

So yeah, you could be back home dating in typical American fashion and be experiencing the exact same thing. But the men would be far less attractive :)

Traveler said...

Don't know many white guys who would tell you up front that they were going to have a second wife -- well except for Mormons. Just can't see you with a Mormon tho.

Traveler said...


"No, I just refuse to settle. I deserve better"?

That works for a bit, but after awhile you have to wonder -- Maybe she doesn't.

Desert Girl said...

Wow. Lovin the judgement...

Traveler said...

Not meaning to be, just in a practical frame of mind today I guess. I used to know a girl who used the "I am worth it" line to cover her own litany of shortcomings and it got rather tiring listening to her moan about the lack of adequete partners.

None of that applies to you of course, I was talking about AG's friend.

To me you don't seem to be overly picky or demanding plus I like your smile and sashay -- I do think you are lucky that all this comes out before you make any major mistakes you can;t recover from.

American Girl said...

Traveler, we deserve exactly what we believe we deserve and we'll end up with nothing less than we settle for. If a woman believes she deserves a GQ model with a hefty bank account then she's either going to end up with one... or not. But either way the choice is going to be hers. And with that there's peace of mind.

Unfortunately, DG isn't looking for a GQ model or a hefty bank account (those might be easier to find in Kuwait). She's looking for a decent person with a kind heart and compassion. Someone who is genuine, loyal, funny, and empathetic. And if there's any woman out there who deserves all of that and more... it's her.

Desert Girl said...

Traveler - you're right. A Western guy wouldn't say that. He may say, however, "I'm going to marry this 24 year old Asian woman who thinks I'm a God and dump your old ass..."

No society is without problems.

Traveler said...

True. An American man can have as many wives as he wants -- as long as it is one at a time :)

Still can't see you as a Mormon Sister Wife

Anonymous said...

My sympathies!...though your Thailand comment 'slut/whore...' bash was so hilarious! : ) Laughing with you. As a guy I think your observation, about the sense of superiority places like Thailand bestow upon men is a very valid point. As always we are all rooting for you.: )

Traveler said...

BTW -- and saying this has an observer who has never had yellow fever -- many of the same words I have heard guys use about their Asian grilfriends are the same ones I have heard Amercian women use about Arabic boyfriends.

As long as everyone is happy with their choice -- it works.

Desert Girl said...

As to the comments I'm not going to publish:

Do you a-holes think I'm a love struck 16 year old??? Puhleeze. 17 years in Kuwait. 30+ years with Arab FRIENDS. Give your sicky-sweet condescending psychobabble bullshit advice to someone who doesn't know what they're doing or what they want.

You know - you don't F-ing have to read the blog.

Desert Girl said...

Had a nice, long talk with my mother, who immediately said, "He doesn't know what he wants." and "He's been talking to someone who gave him bad advice." I think she's right on both counts. Mothers always know.

I made the mistake of letting him drive me to the airport. He didn't speak. Had no excuse. Just handed me back my keys. Also said that I should call him from the States and that he would be waiting to pick me up from the airport when I returned. Whaaaaaat? (mom said that was just out of a sense of obligation - as was the ride to the airport.) He asked me if I still wanted to go to Thailand with him. Huh? WTF dude.

Anyhooser, he did the kid-thing of blocking me from Instagram. I countered with blocking him from absolutely f-ing everything.

This technology shit is so lame and stupid. None of it is real. Pick up the phone and TALK to people. As my sister says, "What happened to the days of you exchange phone numbers. You wait a few days. If you haven't heard from him/her, they're not interested and you move on?" I hate all this chat/app bullshit.

Mr. Clean had 2 phones and was running about 4 apps at a time. Cutting into MY time with him. "It's just an app." Really? Because I believe if you are on there meeting other women, you are MEETING OTHER WOMEN. Cyber cheating.

Anyways, I do not understand why I am so hung up on this guy who is obviously so wrong for me. Why am I even thinking about him? This is Week 3 and I have got to get my head out of this game.

Desert Girl said...

By the way, Hater Warhawk, you can just move on because I will never publish any of your hater remarks. As I said, STOP READING MY BLOG. No one is holding a gun to your head.

And when was the last time anyone used the term, "dweeb"? Dated, buddy. (Giggles)