Sunday, April 29, 2012

The Hangover: Dubai Version

I had the BEST weekend in Dubai!  Oh.My.God.  Special K invited me as a birthday present - knowing full well that I would compliment him on the blog (oh yes you did. Uh huh.  Did so.).  What a nice thing to do!  And our hostess in Dubai, Cheesecake Girl, was amazingly hospitable too, so shout out girlfraaaaaynd! 

I really haven't enjoyed previous trips to Dubai - not even worthy of blogposting.  I guess because we werent' hanging with people who lived there.  This time, it was so much fun.

People, anytime I come to work early, looking good, it means I'm overcompensating for something I've done baaaaaad over the weekend.  Just to let you know.  I feel like crap, but I've got to show them (powers that be)  that I can make it through the work day without being shattered.  Mostly, nobody cares but me.  I figure if you've got a raging hangover, or even slightly still inebriated, you fit right in with the level of consciousness over here.  Just sayin. 

We flew down by FlyDubai - which is a great airline, once you get seated on the plane.  Before then, however, it is a frickin goat rodeo.  It was almost a riot scene to board the plane and in this country of foreign domestic workers flying low-cost carriers such as this, there is no such thing as personal space.  BACK OFF!  Like everything else around here - it's like no one is in control.

I'm pretty sure I had bodily fluids on me from the bump-and-grind that dude did up against me trying(supposedly) to get onto the flight. I usually randomly shout out in crowds (even at work), "Don't touch me!" as a joke, but not this time.   I loved how protective Special K was, "Hey!  If you touch her again I'm going to phuckin HIT you, you understand me??"  He got more perturbed than I did (Why the F can't I have a boyfriend like that?  Instead, I get the kind who get a kick out of the voyeurism of it instead of reacting. Be a man and DO something, chicken shit!)  Special K is Kuwaiti and he's all like, "They wouldn't do that to you if you were an Arab woman.  What makes them think...."  LOVE IT!!!!  If only Stealth had been there too they both would have jumped on him and beat the crap out of him - right there in the line.   (Stealth goes off even for stupid stuff like restaurants who forget to bring the pickles.  Tee hee.)

Anyways, once we got on the plane and paid for our sandwiches and 5 drinks, we were good to go. 

We got there kinda late and by the time we hit the pub/restaurant, all we could do was order G&T and french fries.  (It was a trend - fried food and alcohol).

Cheesecake Girl has a baGORGEOUS apartment overlooking Dubai Marina.  It is so pretty and she made me feel like she's lived there forever (although it has only been a few months).  She seems to know everywhere and everybody.  Ya know, I meet people through the blog who become really really good friends and I've got to say that she is such a dear person to me.  I just love her - and so do my friends.

Cheesecake Girl's Proper Kitchen Cabinet

Friday morning, tequila shots for breakfast and then on to brunch at Double Decker (in a Rotana Hotel near Dubai Mall I think); where you can get all you can eat buffet AND drinks for one low price (13kd - which is around 1/4 the cost of a bottle of Johnny in Kuwait).  Game on.  My friend, Kaz, who I have known for over 3 decades HAD to have crispy bacon with his drinks, so it became a matter of crispy bacon and gin, crispy bacon and vodka, crispy bacon and (what the F were those shots?  Midori and Baileys?), crispy bacon and (oh!  they DO have tequila) tequila shots, crispy bacon and .... dayum... I don't remember anymore... oh yeah!!!  Dancing!!!  At 4pm, the live band starts outside.  For some reason, there was a table of furries there (you know - fetish people who wear furry animal costumes) and they started a conga line.  They moved the tables away on inside and everybody started dancing.  That's right; the ugly drunk dance.  Yo!  Then some guy kissed me because it "was my birthday" and Kaz's lovely girlfriend got me some flowers and a cake and everybody sang happy birthday (this birthday does not END!!!  Woo hoo.)  Cheesecake Girl dropped her drink and it broke at one point and the entire place erupted in cheers and jubulence.  I couldn't stop laughing.  That place was SO MUCH FUN!!!  Awesome.  The food was really good too.  The buffet is mostly to British palates, but that's cool; there was a whole wall of pork.  Amazing.

So then, naptime for a few hours, followed by (you guessed it) more tequila shots and Chinese food.  Then, off to Hedkandi rave on the beach at Barasti.  Holy snap!  I was wearing inappropriate footwear (did anybody mention that it was going to be on a beach?) and it was so hot that my jeans were sticking to parts they shouldn't.  My hair... I don't know what happened there.  Ok, but I had the BEST time.  Special K probably couldn't tell because I sat on the beach drinking fat frogs (WTF WAS THAT???) and staring, but seriously, at that point, it was all I could do.

Most of the guys were average looking at best, but OMG the women (I should say "girls" because they all looked about 12) were stunningly beautiful.  I think this is where models/strippers/dance instructors go to party.  Holy snap.  One girl - I swear - was not human.  She looked like an avitar. 

Are you thinking that I'm too old for all this?  yeah, I am too.  But wow.

I made it back to Kuwait.  (I'm not going to write about the "incident" that got us there because that would seem ungracious, but let me just say, Special K, that the phucked up things in life are the ones that you remember later and laugh about - like today - ROFL!!)  The whole plane was asleep/recovering except for one obnoxious American woman loudly speaking in babytalk and singing Barny-style to her 2 year old.  SHUT UUUUUUUP!  Nobody cares that your kid is The Most Precious In The World.  We're trying to sleep!  (This woman put localfolk  to shame.  People were staring - and not in a good way.)

I look at the photos on my camera and phone and oooohh  shiiiiiiiiiiiiiii    when did I take that?  I am CRACKING myself up looking at the videos.  It is like the scene at the end of "The Hangover"when they find the camera and can't remember what's on it.  That's US this weekend in Dubai. Ridiculously fun.

Do-over? ;)


SV said...

Sounds soooo much fun :-D
Ahh! the joys of a hungover weekend!! I'm curious.... what is the most surprising/hungover pic of the weekend?? ;-)

Howboutcha said...

OMG, you would be a hoot to party with!!!! The wife and I have been offered a position in Kuwait. Any hesitation that we had just went out the door if we can hang with people like you and your bloggers.

Love the blog, very entertaining, looking forward to being an expat again. Hope to meet you sometime.

Jim & Ashley

Expat and the City said...

Happy Birthday DG! You make us proud. xoxo

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday ......So when is the Kuwaiti Version ?? xx

Lifeloverinkw said...

I saw you last week eating a shawarma and doing the hookah, outside Kababji Grill (Mahboula) with your silky blond dreads. You are a TEN!

Desert Girl said...

Lifloverinkw - Sorry, but it wasn't me. :) I don't smoke sheesha and I wasn't anywhere near Mahboula. No dreads either.

Anonymous said...

Damn girl I've been in q8 for 3 very long years would love to hang out with people like u!

Anonymous said...

dufuq, you really enjoyed a lot DG, that was the paradise im looking for :) i promise im gonna visit that place before i go home for good! here i come dubai Young, Wild and Free :))

yacht charter dubai said...

Dubai Desert Safari hmmm i love to tour very beautiful place nice pic

Johan Silver said...

Musandam Dibba nice place its a really beauty of creation .