Sunday, March 23, 2008

One year since I've Heard The Man's Voice

I haven't posted because I've been dead - I'll write more about that later.

Today, it is the one year anniversary of the last time I spoke to The Man. It is the day of The Incident. One year in which he has proven that he didn't choose to be with me. He could have come and found me. He could have called me. He could have showed me that he wanted ME, but he didn't.

It is like I don't even know him because when he sees me, he looks right through me as if I'm not there. He doesn't speak to me, or to my friends, or to people that we know. I'm just not there.

When you love someone so much, how is it so easy to just forget them as if they never were? How can you do that? How can you go so far and then shift gears to reverse like nothing ever happened?

I've talked about this a million times with my girlfriends. I am/we are still confused. If our situation is the way it is now - does that mean that he never even cared to begin with? How is it possible that it was "real" love if the same person who loves you now doesn't know you? It goes against everything that I've ever believed in.

I think I am a good judge of character. I think I can determine when someone is good and decent or if someone will betray me. Why can't I understand this?

8 comments:

Big Pearls said...

I still think it is possible that he did love. We can't tell unless we know the clear picture.

Jewaira said...

I know, Desert Girl.

It's the one thing I just can't figure out myself; how can a man show so much love and then just switch off and act as though it never happened?

FourMe said...

Because men simply move on while we sit and converse in the hope to analyse a man's judgement and actions. At the end of the day men move on while we dwell ..

Ranger said...

DG, you need to stop thinking about it, and you definitely need to stop persisting with the memory by recalling the date as an anniversary. I obviously don't know about your "incident", but the fact is that people can and do fall out of love. S**t happens in everyone's life now and then, and yes, going into reverse gear can happen too. On the more positive side I'm sure a pre-marital breakup is better than a divorce, not that either would be pleasant events to look forward to.

thames said...

desert girl,
men are so confusing, they seem to have this ability to switch off their emotions without giving you a warning before. its v cruel. i am sorry you are yet another victim of the asshole male.there are definitly those out there that are more intune with their emotions and respectful of yours..
i hope u can remember the good times and leave the rest behind to find better things that r surely coming to u.

Desert Girl said...

Today is the next day. I'm ok. It was kind of like a divorce because his whole family was involved - and there are some that are still trying to be.

Thanks to everybody for your nice comments.

I have a date tonight with an INCREDIBLY SEXY man and all I really want to do is have meaningless sex with him. Is that so bad? :)

I'm probably feeling down also because I am still sick, in a few days it will be the day that my dad passed away, and I'm PMSing. Ya know - probably not a good idea to post when you're PMSing....

Love you, peeps!

Desert Girl said...

One of my dear new friends sent this to my e-mail and blew me away…

It sucks, when someone is confused and looking for an answer but there is no answer to be found. Days pass by and then one gets busy with daily life and forgets the question. However, that date comes back next year and reminds him/her of that same question! Confusion comes back and it feels we are back at the same starting point.

How could someone live with you, for over a year, eats three meals with you, spend every night with you, share his feelings with you. And then, something happen, just something, doesn’t really matter how bad it is, it makes this person never acknowledge you when he sees you. As if, you never met him before. And what is even worst, assuming you never met, he is not even interested in meeting you again! But he loved the way you looked someday, he loved the way you smell, he loved your body and the way you speak and share your thoughts with him.

He used to tell you that you are so interesting, and he would go with you anywhere in the world to just be with you. He told you he loved you when you woke up in the morning and before you went to bed.

Now, when somebody ask him about you, he says being with you was a mistake. He says he should have never been with you. When you ask him friends “why doesn’t even talk to me?” they say “it will help him to forget he knew you someday, and get over your love!”

Really, is that even possible? But what about that date? It will repeat itself next year? Will he not remember me? Will he not remember how we were good together? When he go out with his friends to the same place we used to go, will he not look at the table we were setting at and remember how sweet we were to together?

Can he even forget? How can you forget someone that left so much emotion in your heart? How can you forget someone that you had so much passion with? Can you really? I know I can’t and never will be able to. Each and every girl I was with I still remember everything about, and even miss sometimes.

Replace every “he” with “she” and you will have a small part of my story, with the love of my heart…

Zoe said...

that's true. men are confusing. without warning, sex turns from meaningful to meaningless. oh well, on to the next guy....