Thursday, March 27, 2008

It's Desert Girl, Bitch! Danger, Danger, Danger, Danger

Have you heard Britney's song, "Gimme More"? That is The Romanian and my theme song. I like 2 parts of the song: in the beginning when she says, "It's Britney BITCH" [which in Kuwait sounds like, "It's Britney bi" (and then leaves you hangin')] and at the end when dude says, "danger, danger, danger, danger." And the main morale of the song is that if you get a leetle sex, you want a leetle more (that's just a DG's interpretation). Anyhoo, a wonderful theme song for me this morning. (Need I say more; wink wink, nudge nudge?)

Let’s start with some amusing, creative bitching, shall we? Usually, when I’m naked and running around my apartment trying to get ready for work in the morning (my neighbors across the street love me), I turn on CNN. I would just like to know WHAT THE PHUCK WERE THEY THINKING this morning? Who CARES about Heathrow’s Terminal 5? (I stopped traveling on BA when they got all weird on their security procedures – shit BA/Heathrow – take an example from KLM/Schipol. All the security without the 3-hour lines and luggage limitations. How many customers did you lose forever???) Ok, interesting news snipet, but just that – a snipet. Nothing to go on and on about for 30 minutes when people are trying to find out what the PHUCK is happening in the world! They could have turned to Kuwait and the tribal riots last night. Riots! In Kuwait. Way cool.

What I want to know is this: What happens when the riot police are from the same tribe that is rioting? Is that why some of them had their faces covered? Dudes, can’t we all just get along? I noticed that Al-Watan Daily had much more coverage of the story than the Arab Times (the usually-outspoken Mr. Ahmed Al-Jarallah wrote about Syria...). I wish someone would have told me that there was going to be such a large gathering of Bedouin men so close to my home. Damn – it was like a buffet. I would have put on something cheap and slutty and gone down there (perhaps even my new PINK shoes!). So much passion in the air! This photo (in the Arab Times today) shows security forces grabbing the problem by the ...

So much excitement! Cojones.

I have met some VERY funny people lately through this blog. OMG! I sit at my desk cracking up all day (no! Of course I’m not getting any work done – I’m still in recovery. It pissed me off that I got sick while on a BUSINESS trip and no one even called me from my office – except our HR/Admin guy who I’m crushin on – to see if I was still alive. They owe me.).

Anyhoo, back to my caffeine-induced story.

There must be something in da stahs (the stars) lately. The people I am meeting – who know very little about me other than years of BS on this here blog – as so much like me and so “in tune” with me. It is as if we are long-lost friends or something. I love it, but at the same time, it is freaky how accurately they know me. Me likes.

I met a friend, Spawn, who has been kicked out of anger management several times and I SO AGREE with his philosophy: you go to anger management to sit in a room full of stupid people because stupid people have pissed you off. Do you catch the irony? This is why it probably wouldn’t work for me either. Stupid people piss me off. He’s moving to Kuwait soon and I have already warned him that Kuwait is the Center of the Universe for Stupid People. I’m not generalizing on any nationality/race/creed/color/sexual preference: I’m just saying that ALL the stupid people everywhere in the world converge in Kuwait to drive (for example): Most recently, on 4th & 5th ring roads. Lots of them have also been spotted around Hawalli and Shuwaikh recently.

I, through the help of Spawn, have concluded that I am an ENCE: Emotionally Needy, Challenged, and Explosive. (ENCE could also refer to the photo above, but we're talking about ME now!)

Well, dude sounds a lot more relaxed now and maybe he can help me work through some of my many many many ENCE issues. If not, Ace Hardware has a lovely selection of chainsaws and maybe I can work off some of my pent up aggression in that manner.

Spawn says that his anger management coach’s name is Dick. Well, my anger management coach could be Dick too. So could be my stress manager – Dick. Personally, I could use Dick to solve many of my problems. I think that those people who are able to overcome obstacles in their lives – with the help of Dick – are generally kinder, nicer people. All we really need in the world is MORE DICK. (Ok, perhaps a little less at riots...)

Okay, and on to my other new buddy that I met over this blog – I will call him Energy Guy – has been sending amazingly insightful e-mails. It is like we have known eachother forever and we just haven’t called.

Is the Universe phuckin with me again? It seems to happen in Spring.

Did I mention how much I adore Spring? It is the time of rebirth and renewal: everything comes full circle again and the flowers are blooming.

My dad died on March 29th, two years ago. The wind blew as I walked up to his home and I remember the smell of the flowers and the cherry blossoms sweeping across his walkway. If he had died during the cold of winter, it would have been much worse. I think that it is just the continuation/cycle of life. I think that he was ready to go – maybe to join his sister, my aunt Virginia, who he loved so much. I miss you, Daddy.

The day that my father died, I got into a huge “emotional state” with The Man. I can’t remember being so sad and upset: I was on the sofa just sobbing. At the time, I thought it was all about The Man: Not so in reality. It was at the same time that my father was passing away. I think part of me knew that my dad was going. I’m kind of psychic (especially when I’m emotional) and I remember asking The Man if one of his uncles was sick because I felt very strongly that he would die. I remember telling him that if he knew someone like that, he should go to him and talk to him immediately. I was projecting – it was about my own father. We all get signs, it is just how you interpret them.

The Man has managed to piss me off again – though, truth be told, it is my fault. It is so interesting with some creative psychological aspects; and I wish I could write more, but so many people here know who I am and I can’t be anonymous about it – too personal. Basically, whenever I have sent him any messages or SMSs during this past year, he has shown other people, who then send me messages mocking me. It seems rather cruel and childish, doesn’t it? Why not just ignore the messages? Why would I continue to send him messages one might ask? Well, probably because I don’t care if I’m mocked – I want him to know that (at least my) love doesn’t die (even if you try your damndest to kill it); that sometimes you just miss someone and want to reach out: Even if the recipient takes what is intended to be a gesture of kindness and turns it into something ugly. In my opinion, if I do something good intentions; then it is just that. If someone twists it somehow, well… that’s between them and powers-that-be on judgment day. It is interesting how people have different perspectives (vantage points).

And now – for something completely different.

My mommy will be here soon. Yippeeeeeee! I can’t wait. She hasn’t been here since 2000, and this is her 4th or 5th trip here. I’ve changed most of my living room furniture and I’m cleaning everything and buying new stuff. I’m on a mission. I had 2 sets of slipcovers made for my sofa (off white and deep purple/eggplant). The dude at the furniture store said that only 1 in 100 customers ask for slipcovers when they are making their sofas. I don’t understand that – especially if you have kids that mess everything up. It just makes sense to be able to change the entire look of your place with different fabrics and colors.

(Sidebar: On the subject of decorating/creative types: Have you noticed on Showtime how the series "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" is called "Fab 5"? Is "queer" a bad word? Methinks not; especially when the word "transvestite" has been plastered all over the newspapers here lately as they are rounding up and arresting tranies in Kuwait.)

Anyways, I’m trying to plan a large dinner party for when my mother comes here (wish the Fab 5 were here!), but I haven’t been able to find a suitable venue. I don’t want someplace impersonal like a banquet hall. I was thinking about someplace with a pool. Does anyone know a villa you can rent? It’s a party for my mother not for strippers for crying out loud!

Bunny was there when I made my furniture back in 2003 and he has been helping me with the new stuff. I can’t wait till its done. I’ve been running around to all the cool furniture stores taking pictures of what I want (before the security guards catch me) to have made in Dhajeej. Well, my kickass entertainment stand was off the intenet. Anyhoo, I wish Bunny had more time in his life for me, me, me. Between his job, his 5 kids, his widowed-sister’s 5 kids, his need to buy cars for every single person old enough to drive in his family… there is no time for me me me. I’m an ENCE! I need the attention.

I thank God for friends like him (and my new friends and my not-so-new friends) every day of my life.


Purgatory said...

such a long post and I am not mentioned even once!

SPAWN said...

Dick says that he has a slot open for you since Vixen and Sierra have graduated from the group. Dick says if you want to join just be aware that sometimes Dick gets nasty in session and Dick is pretty stiff when it comes to the rules of URGENCE.
that's the Urban Readiness Group for the Emotionally Needy, Challenged and Explosive, in case you forgot.

See you next session.
SPAWN, aka Ldog.

SPAWN said...

Dick says that he has a slot open for you since Vixen and Sierra have graduated from the group. Dick says if you want to join just be aware that sometimes Dick gets nasty in session and Dick is pretty stiff when it comes to the rules of URGENCE.
that's the Urban Readiness Group for the Emotionally Needy, Challenged and Explosive, in case you forgot.

See you next session.
SPAWN, aka Ldog.

Ranger said...

A brilliant read again! Thanks DG!

Desert Girl said...

Purg - Where have you been, boyyyyy?

Spawn - I remembered the full name, URGENCE, but it sounds like some kind of Depends Undergarment or something (I have really got to go pee!)

Ranger, Ranger, Ranger, Ranger.... THANKS buddy! :)

ammaro said...

i agree with purg. too long to fit into our hectic lifestyles.

and that britney song? its not even her song dude, she sings like 20 words and then repeeats the chorus like, a million times.

aenateus said...

I got stuck in all the traffic and police barricades and 5th Ring Road Stupid People, on a rescue mission for a cat in Imminent Put Down status with a Swede riding shotgun. Found out that they were firing tear gas from Al Jazeera News, four days later...

aenateus said...

And as for Da Man... don't get me wrong, I have my own, and I moved to Kuwait for some distance ( leather...jackets). Anyone who would show personal text messages or emails around for derision or humor isn't worth the dried salt on your face, Mamacita.

The harder you ignore him/squash him/get more gorgeous or intelligent without him, the quicker he'll come sniffing. Quintessential Bar Rule. Remember, Kick Boxing classes are your friend in this matter.

Get angry, get gorgeous...

Me123 said...

Love your blogs - I am an American as well. Living in the States. My husband is from Kuwait. I love your prospective.... I have been following you for about 1 year. Keep up the good work - I'm learning about the country through your eyes - most entertaining!!!

Pinky said...

Eclectic, random and fun to read as usual! Keep it up DG!
Smiles Pinky x

Jewaira said...

Glad that your mom is coming to visit and your remodeling sounds wonderful.

Lovely memories of your dad may he rest in peace

Paradise Found said...

I know this is late. I am just now catching up with your posts (from Feb!) I have been traveling and just have not had any time. I was compelled to comment on this one though, because I can relate so well. Your psychic experience, is one I have had on so many occasions and it's hard to explain to people who have not experienced it themselves. I thank you for sharing that. On the subject of "The Man", I understand completely. I walk that walk with you...have my own "Man" back in the states who I still (and will always) love and it is why I moved to the Middle to escape, so that I could move past. AND I have called and emailed and not because I expect change, but because I can still give, even if he can't and even if he has no understanding of how to take it. Your Man seems quite the wanker and the next time I'm in Kuwait (in Aug) I'll get in touch, you can point him out so that I can kick his ass for all of us in your shoes. It would make me feel so damn good! AND as far as meeting friends on the net...I've met many and have arranged to meet them in person when traveling round the globe...pretty cool stuff. It sure is becoming a small planet. Take care, the blogg!