NO Import

Former friend who shall remain nameless cause I can't stand her.... (Oh yeah - I recall that I referred to her as "Mare" because she looks like Mare Wittingham, the actress... anyhoo...)   When she dumped her x-boyfriend, he got in touch (I suppose so I could be his one girl support system).  Boo hoo, she did him wrong.  Took money from him.  Dumped him.  He should have known better as he said.  He was warned by her x, x-boyfriend..  Yada yada.  (Yuh, he shoulda known.  He's married with 2-3 kids - I can't remember, but married.  Dumbass.)

Never met the guy in person for his therapy sessions.  Never wanted to, but listened to his drama for a while before he found another girl (I'm sure) and didn't need the support anymore.  Whatever.  Yawn.

So, once in a while he gets in touch.  I assume because he wants something. (This time, about a year since I last heard from him...)  It all starts like this, "How are you?  How's your family?  How's your job?  Is everything ok?" (interject some more chit chat BS small talk conversation here.)  Then, they finally get to the point.  Maybe during the call.  Maybe on the next call.  But it always comes....

So he texted me.  "I'm shy to ask you this, but can you help me with something?"   They're always "shy" (so why f-ing ASK?!)  Then, much later, they finally get to the point.  I had to wait an hour (musta thought that was a respectable amount of time between the introductory text and the actual voice call...)

"Can you help me with something?"
'Inshallah'
"You make me more shy with 'Inshallah"
'Kheir, inshallah.'
"C'mon!"
'Maashi.  Allah Kareem.'

THIS is how you should answer those in dire need (of something really stupid that they haven't gotten to yet),  It is the standard response to put a favor-beggar in his/her place.

(Yawn)

"Do you have a contract with the Army?"
'Why?'

Here
It
Comes
Hold on.....

"Can you bring in sex toys for my friend?"  (Yeah riiiiiight - your "friend")

What
The
Phuck?!
It's Ramadan!  It's bad enough that he's just totally insulted me in several ways, but... It's RAMADAN - and the last few DAYS of RAMADAN.  Have some respect.

(I didn't want to ask what KIND of sex toys.)

So he went on and on about, "You're American.  You can't bring them in?"  I'm like, 'You're a Kuwaiti ranking officer in the police force.  YOU can't bring them in?'

Technology is GREAT.  BLOCK/DELETE.



(Disclaimer:  To the best of my knowledge, the US Army does NOT import sex toys.  But if they did, it would make trips to the PX just THAT much more fun!)