Wednesday, September 28, 2016
(I wrote his as a draft before my "Epiphany" post. Decided to post it now.
I guess fire tornado is descriptive of my current circumstances because it sucks up all the air around it and destroys stuff in its path and eventually burns itself out.
I haven't talked to anyone about this. Well, that's not true. 2 people know. But it has been going on since April. I didn't want to make a formal announcement for fear of jinxing myself (which I do on the regular).
I went to see my family in the summer and didn't tell them about it. I'm pretty sure everyone knew something was going on with me. I was constantly on the phone and running up to my room to talk in private. I got a few questions; the hardest-hitting was from my nephew, "Who's the guy?" Standard response: 'The only guy I have is furry and has 4 legs.'
There is a guy and there has been a fire tornado.
I didn't think that I could love someone that much again. Honestly. After all the shit that I've been through in the past few years, I was determined to stay alone and out of harm's way. (That even includes friendships.) Then for some unknown reason (F you, Cupid!) I was in the middle of it again. I was back to being in that teenage love where you spend hours on the phone together, and any little thing out of his mouth would make me giggle, and my heart was all a flutter.
I would wake up to the sound of his voice on the phone. We would call and message each other constantly through the day. And I would hear his voice the last thing before going to sleep every night. It went on like that for months.
I don't trust easily, but my whatever that primeval girl-gut instinct is told me that everything is ok. He's WITH you. And that's it. You know when people say, "I just knew he was the one." That kind of thing. I could be myself with him. I trusted and I tested him at every given opportunity just to make sure.