A Tale of Two Men

A Tale of Two Men

Ok, so the Universe usually phucks with me in peculiar ways. If I wish to get married, the Universe brings forth a guy who immediately wants to marry me – mutaa. If I want a particular car, I always get it – only 10 years later.

So now, I was hoping to meet a nice guy and the Universe always seems to bring me 2 at the same time, so I am in a Sophie’s Choice type of dilemma: who do I choose? It hasn’t come down to that point YET luckily, but it will. They are both nice: One is older, one is younger. They are both smart. They both have qualities I admire: One is a business man; the other is an artist and works at a good job in the military. One is seriously rich; the other is moderately well-off. One likes sports cars; the other likes more business-like 4-door sedans. One loves seafood (the Bedu one); one hates seafood (the Hather one). (I love seafood and meat, so I don’t care.)

I guess time will tell. I will probably get bored by both in several weeks unless there is some drama that maintains my level of attention. (Yes, I admit it. I have a problem. It is the first step towards recovery. So phuckin what?)

Slapperella, God love her, says, “Why not keep both?”

I have a dilemma in my life: I don’t fall in love until I have spent quality time with a guy; and yet I never allow a guy to spend quality time with me. Aint that a thang? (And what if, God forbid, I finally do spend quality time with a man only to discover that he is terrible in bed?) It has gotten much worse over the past several years. I seem to think that it is all going to turn out the same, so why waste my time?

Is this what they mean when they say that the older you get, the more jaded you become? Is this what my life is destined for: bitter womanhood?
Am I to live out my days alone with my little companion dog and my microwave?

….Alas, I must not allow myself to watch Bridget Jones anymore. My head is always filled with nonsense directly following the movie. I see myself as Bridget Jones – only in Kuwait.

…. And now…. For something completely different….

Men who are NOT men…

I went to the Sheraton with Slap last night. I saw a “human” who I met through a lawyer friend years ago. This particular humanthing is a pig: he is just about as disgusting as they come and just seeing him made my skin crawl (I love that term. My mother uses that term.) Anyhow, this guy was involved with a group of “religious” Kuwaiti guys (including my lawyer friend) who would go to Egypt and through lawyers there, arrange to marry young, poor virgin girls through orfi marriages. (Orfi marriages are done with a contract and witnesses with a ceremony often by a religious man, but not in a court; so it is not legal.) They were already married to Kuwaiti wives, but went on the belief that orfi marriages are RC (religiously correct). Bullshit. Their Kuwaiti wives/families never know of the marriages. It is basically human trafficking (the latest American catch-phrase): The marriages are arranged by poor families in exchange for money. The girls are often brought to Kuwait and put up in furnished apartments until their “husbands” get bored having sex with them and return them to their families. These guys are wealthy and well known in Kuwait. (I came to Kuwait because of the lawyer friend and I believe that he initially intended me to end up as one of his friends' orfi wife. I'm not naiive and I'm not poor, so it didn't work out well for them.) It makes me sick.

I hope that their Kuwaiti wives are phucking around when they’re out being “RC”. These guys seem to think that women can’t/won’t do the same as the men. Guess again, guys! My Kuwaiti girlfriends are smart and aren’t about to let them get away with anything: They’re doing it too. Humans are humans. “I know my wife.” bullshit!

Let me ask you this, ladies: If you knew your guy was cheating and/or married to someone like this for a temporary arrangement - would you cheat too? Ok, even if you didn’t technically cheat (as in sex with another man) would you have a romantic relationship with another man? Phone calls? SMSs? Secret discussions? Superglue your husband’s appendage to his leg while he was asleep?..... (sorry, I got off track).

I guess people confide their deepest, darkest, dirtiest secrets to me because they don’t think that I have an opinion (I have many) or that I will be discreet. Why on both? It could be because I have “one of those faces” that allows people to open up; someone once told me that “it is a gift” that people just tell me things. Ok. That may be true, but at the same time, there are some images that you don’t want in your head. There are some things that you don’t want to know about people.

Wow – something got me all full of piss and vinegar this morning. Very odd.