Loff is in the Air

How many times can a girl possibly hear, “But I loff you”. (“Loff” is the Bedouin word for “love”. In fact, most words with a “v” can be pronounced “f” and it will sound Beduonics). Anyhoo, this week, it was dude who wants a loff relationship, but “I can only see you on Friday evenings – and early – because the rest of the week, I have to work two shifts and on the weekends I have the diwaniya and my kids.” So, he’d better have a lot of money and a big willy, right? Uh, I know the negative response on part 1 of our question and part 2 is only a hypothesis, but I am 99.9999% sure. Friday evenings… huh… I don’t think so. Maybe if I’m really really bored and there is a big, fat, juicy steak involved (interpret that any way you like).

This weekend was totally boring. I slept through most of it and it wasn’t even a good alcohol-induced slumber either. The weather was nice. I went out yesterday with The Romanian and Desert Dog for a sandwich next to the sea (Fresh Mango near Souq Sharq will allow me to sit in peace with Desert Dog).

I decided to send some dirty SMSs to a “friend” who has been sniffing around (bow wow wow) – not for a relationshit or even a friendshit, but just for sex. I wasn’t serious, but I just wanted to be a beeotch and get him all hot and bothered and leave him hanging. Apparently, it worked. I slept really comfortably; I doubt seriously that he did. I know – it was mean, but I couldn’t help it. I needed a little payback. I mean, guys always want to you to talk all sexy and dirty and then when they get it, they can’t go to sleep. Why IS that???? (Yes, my halo is blinding me!)

Why is it that men in this country (everywhere?) spend 98% of their time trying to get IN THERE and no one has figured out that the shortest distance from point A to point B is a straight line? I mean, just be honest, dumbass p*&sy hunters! Say it like it is. Why all the irrational BS lines that we can see right through? I mean, unless you are a teenage girl, chances are that most women have HEARD all the lines (I know I have) and our ears are highly sensitive bullshit detectors: we know it, we interpret it, we kick it out. (Maybe that’s why all the retards in their 40’s marry young girls.) Now, if a guy is honest, at least he will stand a better chance. If he’s got nothing to offer, he’s obviously not going to get any PERIOD, but at least if he’s honest, that is something.

The Man (oh love of my life, the guy that I will love through eternity… etc, etc – read on because he deserves nice sentiment right now.) sent me pink roses this week. Damn if he didn’t full-out surprise me. He knew I felt down one night this week and he just did it to be nice. He didn’t bring them up to me – he sent them. So, that guy isn’t really dead at all; he is somewhere in there. Of course, he got sick right after with the flu because THE WICKED WITCH put some kind of evil spell on him and every time he does something kind to me, she gets him. One day, a house will fall on her and then Dorothy will get her ruby red slippers…. Anyhoo… I digress. It was a nice thing for him to do and I needed it that night because a friend hurt my feelings.