Hello Peeps

I know I haven't posted in a while. I am now in the mood for some incessant ramblings about nothing in particular. I'm so pathetic and superstitious that I felt like every time I wrote something good, that someone out there was giving me hot eyes (you know who you are and so do I). I blame superstition for absolutely everything that goes wrong in my life – so why not? Hot eyes are to blame for most of my car problems. For real. Hot eyes make me get in arguments when things are going perfectly well with perfectly good relationships. The damn hot eyes are everywhere. Western countries don’t have the evil eye problems we do here. Why? Because people in other parts of the world are actually busy doing other things besides having the time to be envious of whatever whoever has. That's why. That is my hot eye philosophy in a nutshell.

Oh, and if a black cat crosses in the street in front of me – I don't care how far I have to reverse down the street to go around it. If I don't, all Hell will surely break loose.

Do you know what pisses me off? Mechanics and gynecologists. Neither one can ever seem to fix a problem, they always charge you too much, and they never really explain what is going on. It is worse in Kuwait because as far as I am concerned, there are "professionals" who are not necessarily skilled here. The same can be said about both: Get OUT of my engine if you don't know what you are doing!

And while we are on the subject of engines….. I am still baking. Well, now it is more like shaking and baking. Tee hee. Some people actually DO know what to do inside of an engine, so…. (ok, enough said). Domestic bliss is suiting me very well. My friends like my guy. He looks very serious and all of a sudden, he'll say something that leaves you laughing uncontrollably. Good sex and good humor are the keys to life, my friends.

Have you ever heard of FP? It is a syndrome whereby you are in a relationship with someone and all of a sudden, members of the opposite sex are all over you like white on rice. FP actually refers to "flying p*&sy" (I refuse to write that word) where you have to dodge it because it comes at you so fast. (I guess I could change it to "flying penis" for the masculine angle.) Eddy Murphy did a skit about this in "Delirious". My friend, Bobarino, suffers from FP. As a single American guy, he finds that it comes at him faster (green card, green card) and more frequently; Mostly from waitresses and service industry girls. I guess I don't have that problem because I'm so mean to everybody service (or lack thereof) oriented (don't kid yourself, DG – it is because of your fat ass). FP comes to me in other forms. All of a sudden, because I am actually with someone, everybody in the whole world seems to be giving me The Eye. Very odd.

My friend, the Romanian, has been looking into getting collagen injected into her non-existent, flat ass. This is the butt (ha ha) of endless jokes for us. Will she make swishing sounds when she walks? What happens if it migrates in a ball down the back of her leg? What happens if it is pushed too hard (and how)? All this – at the price of 250 kd. Charmin costs about a dinar. That's all she needs to do is to stuff her jeans with toilet paper. What's the problem? Either that or she can have some of my butt fat for free. Sheeeeeeeeeet – everybody wants to be J Lo.

And speaking of wildlife… I love it that the Kuwaiti version of the environmental protection agency (PAAAFR) has asked people not to hunt migratory birds because of the bird flu. Ha ha. I love it that the birdies are fighting back. People here will shoot anything that moves. A certain sheikh friend once invited me to go (by helicopter) to a wildlife refuge in northern Kuwait to shoot birds (environmentally PROTECTED birds). He's probably eating lamb right about now. 'Gee, is that cough bird flu?'

Anyhoooooooooo (Purgy), it has been nice ranting to cyberworld. :D