Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Losing Whatever Was Left

I am so bored. I mean it. I don't know how I can make it to mid-August when I get the HELL out of here and head to Virginia. Wooo Hooooo!

I haven't been doing anything – literally. I am wearing a valley into my sofa where my ass goes every day after work. Desert Dawg has given up. All hope has been lost.

It is hot and dusty and why should I go anywhere or do anything? Spend money? Been there, done that. Eat? Been there, done that. Can't walk the dog because of the heat. I can't chase around after men because there are too many out of the country. Prime hunting season won't begin again until late September. This is just lame.

I am pathetic and I have no life, so of course – I like to go home, order sushi on wheels, and boo hoo in front of the TV to Oprah. The other day, they had an episode about Luther Vandross. I grew up listening to Luther. He was like a distant cousin (only black and way taller than us). I loved that man. I went through almost an entire box of Kleenex on that episode of Oprah. "Don't you remember you told me you loved me ba-by…. You said you'd be coming back this way again baby…." Sniffle, whimper.

Last night, I lost Oprah. I was watching an episode about how an X-CIA guy who specialized in disguises has started making prosthetic body parts for people who had been maimed in some way and couldn't go out into public. I was just at the part with the guy with the screw in his nose (big gigantic screw that is quite apparent), explaining that he lost it in a boating accident when BAM! … "Searching programs. Please wait a while." Kept popping up on the screen. Damn that Showtime. THEN… I did what I'm supposed to – I put the settings back to factory defaults. Holy shyt!!!! I lost Oprah on MBC4!

Many frantic calls to Bunny followed. He listens to my complaining. I listen to his geek talk. Do either of us really pay attention to the other? Hmmmmm….

So, at 10:00, I called Showtime in Kuwait. Previously, they never picked up the phone past about 7:00 pm. Low and behold – a young Kuwaiti guy answered and I blurted out, "Help meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! I've lost Oprah and I can't find her again!" Thankfully to God, he actually spoke perfect English and found me quite amusing. His response, "How did you lose Oprah? She's a big girl…" He ran me through the settings until I was reunited with the MBC channels (although too late to find out what happened to the nose-guy). Was anybody else watching? What happened to nose-guy?

I then ate some Oreo chocolate pudding, got some heart palpitations from however much fat it was, and went to sleep. Bo-ring!


J%$#! said...

hey there,
U r just Spot-On when u say that u are bored, so is the rest of the crowd who r going to hang out in this country in this summer.I figure we should look at the bright side and that is we dont socialise more and therefore do not bitch about people and life( though it is fun sometimes:)).Anyways best of luck for the remainig days of ur stay here( in this sweltering heat)and keep posting 'coz we follow ur blog regularly.Cheers!!!!!!!!

SummerQ8 said...

I WATCHED THAT OPRAH!! He got a nose, came on the show asked his WAY WAY TOO patient girlfriend to marry him and everyone cried. You know they repeat the Oprah the next afternoon at 2 or so. Set the tape. Gail

SummerQ8 said...

Why don't you call me?? I sent you my phone number in an email!! I will tell you horror stories of my kids and then you will thank GOD you are bored and lonely!! Gail

Desert Girl said...

Gail - thanks for telling me about Oprah. Screw-nose dude was leavin me hangin and I really have been worried about him. I missed the part about how he got maimed to begin with. What happened?

J%$#! - I just need to bitch about something - regardless of what it is! :)

SummerQ8 said...

YIKES! he was driving a boat and hit a sandy bottom and hit his face on the dashboard (or whatever you call it) of the boat and it split his face like an axe.GULP!