American lady living in Kuwait commenting on daily occurrances through her warped perspective. Her travels take us beyond the boundaries of normalcy.
E-mail amerab@gmail.com. Twitter: @DesertGirlkwt
(I wrote his as a draft before my "Epiphany" post. Decided to post it now.
I guess fire tornado is descriptive of my current circumstances because it sucks up all the air around it and destroys stuff in its path and eventually burns itself out.
I haven't talked to anyone about this. Well, that's not true. 2 people know. But it has been going on since April. I didn't want to make a formal announcement for fear of jinxing myself (which I do on the regular).
I went to see my family in the summer and didn't tell them about it. I'm pretty sure everyone knew something was going on with me. I was constantly on the phone and running up to my room to talk in private. I got a few questions; the hardest-hitting was from my nephew, "Who's the guy?" Standard response: 'The only guy I have is furry and has 4 legs.'
There is a guy and there has been a fire tornado.
I didn't think that I could love someone that much again. Honestly. After all the shit that I've been through in the past few years, I was determined to stay alone and out of harm's way. (That even includes friendships.) Then for some unknown reason (F you, Cupid!) I was in the middle of it again. I was back to being in that teenage love where you spend hours on the phone together, and any little thing out of his mouth would make me giggle, and my heart was all a flutter.
I would wake up to the sound of his voice on the phone. We would call and message each other constantly through the day. And I would hear his voice the last thing before going to sleep every night. It went on like that for months.
I don't trust easily, but my whatever that primeval girl-gut instinct is told me that everything is ok. He's WITH you. And that's it. You know when people say, "I just knew he was the one." That kind of thing. I could be myself with him. I trusted and I tested him at every given opportunity just to make sure.
I have been quiet about relationships for a while now. I've been dating a lovely man for the past 6 months. I will call him, "Wazza" because he's always calling me, "Butta" which can translate to "duck" or "chubby" depending. I think he's using both terms.
I didn't want to jinx myself by saying anything - even to my family. It had been going so well. Every morning he would call me just as he woke up and he would call the last thing before he went to sleep. During the day, we texted each other constantly and he picked up the phone on the first or second ring every time - no matter where he was or who he was with. He EARNED my trust. And this even went on while I was in the States on vacation.
Everything was going great. Until he stopped calling and stopped texting. I blamed him. I really did. We were discussing something and we had a little minor (I though) argument. He said that I had made several mistakes lately and he would talk to me about it, but after I had calmed down a little. Well, I did something stupid and turned my phone off. He called only once the next day and I was still angry with him. He stopped calling. Then I blocked him so I don't know if he called back or not. Then I unblocked him (so effing childish - I know!!!) Ok so if you unblock someone within 24 hours its still ok, right?
This isn't the first time. Everything seems to be going well and then BAM - something seemingly small and it's over and its like the guy never wants to talk to me again.
So I do what every "rational" Western woman does - just brush it off as an "Arab man thing" and move on.
After ten days now of crying bouts and depression over my Wazza (which translates to "goose" in Arabic, by the way), I started praying for an answer. I have only confided in 2 close friends and they are bewildered. Both blamed him. So did I - until this morning.
I asked and I was answered. You know that place in-between asleep and awake when you are most open to discussion with all things in the spirit world? That's when I got it.
Have you ever seen, "The Christmas Carole?" Well, a man thinks he's in the right about everything (obviously he's not because he's mean and he's a cheapskate, but I'm not comparing him to me zacteley). He's visited by 3 ghosts: Past, present, and future, who show him what he has done wrong, what he is doing wrong, and what could happen in the future. It was kind of like that, but instead, I saw a timeline of my life and my serious relationships. All were serious enough for the men to be considering marriage.
I saw it from their perspective, not mine.
Ya know when people say that if something happens repeatedly, the problem is probably with you? I didn't see my problem. Last night, I was SHOWN my problem. I have hurt people. And I haven't listened to the warnings they have given me along the way.
I started thinking of other men I've crushed. There have been a few and I owe them an apology also.
I sabotage my relationships with men. I get insecure, angry, impatient and eventually most people will want to move on from that. It is terribly negative. After they move on, I get horrible depression that gets worse every time (like now - I'm really in a bad way). Then I blame the guy.
Wazza isn't returning my texts or phone calls. But, I sent him messages apologizing. I know it isn't going to win him over, but I had to do it. I know I hurt him. I feel terrible today (worse than any day in the past 10 days).
Why do I do this? Fear of rejection: I get in the first strike.
I know dogs, so I'll put it in a dog-analogy: what happens to me is like separation anxiety. When an owner leaves the house and the dog gets nuts and eats all the furniture and tears up the walls and things. When the owner comes home, the dog is calm again and all happy and tail wagging, until the next time he/she leaves. Are they ever coming back? What will I do? What will happen?
(I'm not using this as a crutch, but I think it may be part of the reason why my relationships with men go like this): When I was 3, my parents got divorced. (My mom told me the story because she said she will never forget it.) My dad came to say goodbye and he was crying and I was crying and screaming, "Daddy don't go." My first relationship was pretty much the same - the guy left. And then after that. I was young and so were the guys, so that's what happens, but maybe I twisted it so I wouldn't get hurt: Now I push before they go away. That's the way I see it anyways. Maybe I'm wrong, but I'm trying to analyze myself to see how maybe they can fix me.
My first call was to a therapist this morning. Soor Center - return calls! OMG. I want to get help with this.
Work relationships are no issue. I'm tough and no separation anxiety there! This is just something in my personal life that I haven't dealt with. Maybe my personal life would have turned out a lot differently than it has if I was more aware of this before.
Thank you, God, for giving me gifts. This insight/vision/dream (whatever you want to call it) was a blessing. And a wake-up call.
________
September 28 Update
Some of you have commented that yes I might have treated him bad, but he could have tried harder. I'm in agreement there. He just walked away and after many messages from me, he is still choosing (a choice) to ignore me. I question myself, but then I do question him too. If he loved me enough, he would be here. I wouldn't let anyone suffer, but not someone I love for sure.
So to get a reality check, I called Bunny (my man-advisor) and told him about my self-revelation. I also apologized because I said that I wasn't a very nice person while we were together. His response: laughter. "Honey, all women are like that. A man should know how to deal with it." Oh. Hello. I wasn't expecting that. Totally different perspective. So I was neurotic with him. I know I had difficult moments with him. I remember what happened next: bouquets of flowers sent to my office. Yeah, that's right. Dude sent ME flowers for my shit. Huh. And through it all - we are best friends. Thank you for reminding me of all that, Buns. We talk about everything - everything. I mean - everything. I can tell him the raunchiest dirty joke and he hits me back with one equally as raunchy. I think the man in your life should be your best friend and have the ability to "get over it".
Ok, but still - I know I need to deal with my problem too.
My friend who knows me well sent me the below encouraging remarks and it is so true and close to how I feel that I thought I would post it below. She's been through similar issues. Trust issues. I've used the word, "paralyzed" many times to explain to myself how I'm feeling. I do get out of bed. I do my hair and wear my best-butt-hugging skirt. I do all my work stuff (even harder and more professionally - I'm also sick with the flu and on a shitload of drugs that seem to be helping my productivity), but I'm just stiff. I find myself staring out into nothingness as soon as I get home and everything hurts. My dog throws the ball (at my head) and I don't notice until he starts whining for me to snap out of it. It bad.
No word from Wazza. I've tried repeatedly to apologize. Its like grieving for a dead person without the death. You wonder where they are and what they're doing. His toothbrush is still in the bathroom. His hair brush sits where he left it. The cologne I gave him is on the counter. There are reminders everywhere. Driving down the street. Sitting in my living room. Passing places where we used to go. Popcorn. Horror movies. Machboos. The list is frickin endless. I hate it.
Anyways, here is my friends comment and it is how I feel.
"I hate that (Wazza) did this to you. It leaves an awful
feeling of abandonment that you have zero control over. I know it all too well.
You feel helpless, hopeless, and at a complete loss. I get it. Sometimes the
feeling of helplessness would leave me feeling almost paralyzed. As if getting
out of the bed was too much effort. I believe it hurts even worse when they've
infiltrated our lives on every level -- so everything you look at, hear, smell,
eat, or do reminds you of 'him'. Yet they've managed to keep their life rather
isolated. They go home to a bed you've never been in, live in a house you
didn't spend endless days and nights at, hang out with people you may have
never met, go to places you might not have been, etc. So not only can they just
walk away but they walk away without reminders. Even more shitty.
Best news ever; you WILL heal. Get out of bed, do your hair
and makeup, go get a cup of coffee or take Mikey for a walk. Or, go to the
grocery store and buy something totally indulgent (DG note to self: STOP charging on credit cards!!!), make your favorite meal (DG note: I can't eat. Sandwich a day - tops), and
hang out at home watching reruns of Sex and the City :) "
I can't tell you how much comments like this mean to me. And you know how much I love you, girl. You've been a rock more times than I can count; anchoring me from afar.
I don't know if this will be in English. Looks like most likely in Arabic. A press conference to announce the results of a national survey on violence against women on Saturday September 24 Sayer Hall at Assembly From Twitter, Kuwait Human Rights Group @kuwaithr
This is so stupid. How many workers in Kuwait are deported monthly/weekly/daily? How many more are waiting deportation in "centers"? Ick! So as planes full of deportees depart KIA, planes full of new laborers are shuffled in. How is that cost effective?
Not only that, but this article seems to target real-estate owners throughout Kuwait who are "suffering" from lack of occupancy. Is it just me or has anyone else NOT seen a significant drop in rental prices? I think most landlords would rather cut off their nose to spite their face: leave apartments empty until months/years from now, someone comes along who is willing to pay their price.
______
Arab Times
KUWAIT CITY, Sept 14: The number of workers needed for the
environmental fuel project is about 26,000 and around 1,000 employees of
various nationalities have been arriving weekly for this purpose, reports
Al-Rai daily quoting sources from Kuwait National Petroleum Company (KNPC).
Sources affirmed 65 percent of the project has been
accomplished and 80 percent is expected to be done by the end of the current
fiscal year on March 31, 2017.
Sources disclosed the labor force for the environmental fuel
project has solved part of the problem related to empty buildings and
apartments for three years in Fintas, Mahboula and Mangaf.
Sources said the contractors prefer these areas due to their
proximity to the project sites while recent reports mentioned that 60 percent
of residential buildings and apartments in these areas have been empty for
three years so the rental fees reduced significantly.
Sources added the target number of workers as per previous
plans is 50,000 at the peak of the project, although the contractors will
present their plans next month to determine whether they will execute the work
with this number of labor force or reduce it.
Sources confirmed the workers involved in the project solved
about 30 percent of the problem faced by the residential real estate business
in the aforementioned three areas, although several residential buildings are
still empty.
Talking about the empty residential buildings in Hawally,
Salmiya and Farwaniya; sources pointed out the buildings in these areas do not
attract contractors because they are far from the project sites. Sources
explained the role of KNPC is to open a labor file at the concerned government
body, indicating other functions such as hiring workers and housing them are
under the jurisdiction of subcontract
KUWAIT CITY, Sept 15: The Washington Post, an American
newspaper, described Kuwait’s DNA database project as “an idea from a bad
science-fiction novel” with an estimated cost of $400 million, reports
Al-Jarida daily. (DG comment: Oh! Is that funded by the new increase in gas prices?!)
The newspaper quoted geneticist Olaf Riess who argued that
the law on DNA is a “huge attack on genetic privacy” which seriously risks
Kuwait’s international reputation, adding that “compulsory DNA testing of all
citizens and visitors sounds like a nightmare, but this is the new reality in a
wealthy Gulf State.”
The daily revealed that various groups and delegations have
reached out to Kuwait’s government to cancel the law; indicating the letter of
the European Society of Human Genetics, whose current president is Riess, to HH
the Prime Minister Sheikh Jaber Al-Mubarak Al-Hamad Al-Sabah called for
amendment of the law.
Commenting on the issue, constitution expert and lecturer in
the College of Law at Kuwait University Dr Muhammad Al-Faili affirmed the DNA
Database Law has many constitutional loopholes, the most important of which is
limiting the right to choose whether to undergo DNA sampling or not; let alone
allowing procedures that violate the right to privacy.
Al-Faili stated the constitutional judge will deliberate on
the matter once it is presented to the court to balance between protection of
the right and breaching the right for security purposes. He explained the judge
will look into existing guarantees that protect personal privacy, determine
risks of violating privacy, present a verdict from the European Court for Human
Rights which ruled that storing the DNA of innocent people is a violation of
their rights and their privacy – the ruling that led Britain to change its
policy in storing DNA samples.
The daily said Kuwait’s tourism industry and business will
suffer, given that no tourist or business executive would want to spend their
time in a country which takes their DNA samples upon arrival, indicating the
law will have a major impact on Kuwait as a host of conferences and hinder
tourism.
After the bombing of Imam Al-Sadiq Mosque in June 2015,
Kuwait’s Parliament ratified a law obliging every citizen, expatriate and
anyone visiting the country to submit a sample of their DNA.
The Ministry of Interior considers the creation of DNA
database for citizens and expatriates a way of protecting the country from
terrorist attacks, while the new e-passports will be issued to citizens only if
they submit their DNA samples.
----
Kuwait always seem to end up on the negative side of international press. Unless, of course, there is a Guiness Book world record to be broken.
Mahmoud Sabbagh doesn’t want to rock the boat so much that
it sinks. He just wants to rock it enough to bring about social reform in his
country.
The Saudi writer-director filmed Barakah Meets Barakah in
25 days, made entirely in Jeddah. The satirical romance is Saudi’s official
submission to the Best Foreign Language Film category at the Oscars, making it
the country’s second-ever submission (Wadjda, submitted to the 2013 Oscars, was
not nominated.)
It premiered — and won an award — at the Berlin
International Film Festival in February. And on Thursday, it hits theatres in
the UAE. According to Sabbagh, two scenes were cut locally — one involving a
hand gesture, and the other including ‘mild profanity’.
“But it’s a comedy movie. People need to chill out,” he
laughed, speaking to tabloid! ahead of a private premiere in Dubai on
Tuesday.
“This film is about freedom, it’s about censorship, and it’s
about public space. In my opinion, public space in Saudi has become more
limited in the last thirty years. It’s less diverse. You see less presence of
women, people of minorities and foreigners in the usual streets,” he said.
But no one wants to watch a film about public space. It’s a
‘very boring theme’, to hear Sabbagh say it.
“So I had to do the classic boy-meets-girl. I tried to do
something very original, something avant-garde, something that defies the dominant
storytelling techniques. The movie is about Barakah meets Barakah — in public,”
he said.
The film is masterfully done, an independent, low-budget
passion project that exudes commitment from the cast and crew in every scene.
It’s victorious both for its ability to engross the viewer with a gradual
exposition of details, and its razor-sharp cinematography, submerged in warm
hues.
The film opens with a shot of Barakah staring at a hot pink
bra like it might have the answers to the universe. He’s a simple guy. A
municipality worker, best friends with a loud-mouthed, grumpy old man named
Uncle Da’ash, who’s the neighbourhood’s go-to person for regressive life
advice. Barakah dwells in a rundown apartment and spends his free time
unenthusiastically cross-dressing for his role as Ophelia, Hamlet’s female
lover, at a theatre no one cares about.
Then there’s Bibi. The discontent internet celebrity who
uploads lacklustre ads to Instagram with only her mouth, chin and neck visible.
Mayada, the controlling woman she calls her mother, hounds her to shut down her
account while simultaneously taking photos of Bibi’s bare abdomen for her own
account, Heavenly Hips. Bibi is well-off, living in a sprawling beach house and
offered millions to market face creams, but she’s consistently dissatisfied
with her restricted life.
When the two meet, a reluctant romance begins. But where
could they possible hang out in Jeddah? They conjure up different scenarios — a
dinner date, a day at the beach, a night of listening to music in the car —
that all end the same way: the police shutting them down.
“This beach is God’s, not yours,” Barakah says at one point,
when he’s disallowed entry because he’s a single male. This question of which
spaces belong to whom is a recurring one.
“My character is very virginal. He’s an extremely simple,
basic character that is based in his own universe. His conceptions of gender,
self, love, romance, intimacy, all these things, are completely unchallenged,
because he’s in the nature of his environment. Once a certain person comes into
his life, everything goes into a whirlwind,” said Hisham Fageeh, the Saudi
writer-comedian who plays Barakah.
At the premiere, he wore a white dishdasha, a dark blazer,
and bright red sneakers, with his hair pulled up into a bun. He’s known Sabbagh
since the two went to university together in America. Fageeh relocated to Saudi
afterwards, where he held a job at Telfaz11 for a couple of years. He was
homeless and jobless when Sabbagh reached out about the film.
“We weren’t really the closest of friends in New York — we
were busy, and we both had our own scenes — he was in journalism, and I was in
Middle East studies. But I respected his work,” said Fageeh. The two ‘flirted’
as creatives, with Sabbagh appreciating Fageeh’s satirical work on YouTube.
“He was like, ‘Listen, I’m doing a movie. It’s about public
space.’ And that is so sexy to me as a concept. Because people are usually
like, ‘Oh, boy meets girl, or guy trying to find himself.’ But this is about
public space,” said Fageeh.
When Fageeh heard he would have to cross-dress, he was sold
— a fact that Sabbagh confirmed. “Hisham was in because I know he’s a pervert
in the mind, like me,” he joked.
Fatima Al Banawi, who plays Bibi, had never acted before.
She was doing a Masters in theology at Harvard when Sabbagh, who’s known her
since childhood, contacted her. They rehearsed for four months.
“As Saudis, we’re not used to seeing ourselves on screens
written and directed and acted by ourselves… We’re so used to seeing ourselves
portrayed by others. This film is by us, from us, to us. And to the world. It’s
our attempt to present a picture,” said Al Banawi.
“It’s not every representation, because no such film or
person can do that. But it’s one attempt to go about our stories, our city,
Jeddah.”
The movie is twice interrupted by historical photographs of
Saudi Arabia, with a voice-over narration that suggests the freedom of past
generations as compared to present day.
“My movie is my submission to the national dialogue,” said
Sabbagh.
“I’m comparing Saudi to Saudi — I’m not comparing Saudi to
any other nation, not to the West, not to the East. It’s about Saudi in the
’70s and Saudi nowadays. In my opinion, the best way to compare a society is to
compare it to itself.”
Fageeh found the film bold because it took two normative
narratives to task.
“We’re challenging traditional media, because there is a
certain tonation that happens in traditional media in Saudi Arabia. And we’re
also challenging Western orientalist views of what the Arab world looks like,
or what we want to be perceived as. A lot of times, a self-orientalisation
happens,” said Fageeh.
“We’re working very hard to challenge that narrative, to
make something edgy, and people really recognise that sincerity. I think that’s
what makes our movie unique.”
Al Banawi said the characters reminded her of her friends,
her cousins, her neighbours and the people she saw on Instagram.
Indeed, Sabbagh excelled at creating charming primary
characters, but more importantly, engaging secondary characters, who have their
own lives, priorities and demons to fight, becoming just as pertinent to the
film’s storytelling as the main two.
So is that why Barakah Meets Barakah became
Saudi’s submission to the Oscars?
“Every country is eligible to submit one entry, and we were
probably the only movie [from Saudi], so they pushed our movie,” said Sabbagh,
laughing. Sabbagh and the cast will find out whether the film is one of the
five shortlisted nominees in January. He’s still fighting to screen the film in
his home country.
In the meantime, Fageeh urged UAE residents to go out and
watch the film for two reasons.
“From a selfish standpoint, we need money. From a
non-selfish standpoint, for the love of arts. For the grace of arts,” he said.
“It’s been critically acclaimed, and we want to see if that
critical acclaim holds up cross-continentally. The West love it. So let’s see
how we do over here.”
(Note to my employer: I am not looking for another job. I have a great job. I have a handsome business owner who is funny and intelligent and who respects my work. And will probably read this... Mashallah. :D No need to look around.)
My mother brought this subject up last night because my sister has been working with a consultant to provide them with better interview/recruitment techniques. My sister owns a recruitment/placement firm for healthcare and IT professionals. Mashallah, they are doing very well, but an ongoing issue with her office staff has been recruiting the right people for their sales and recruiting staff. My sister is usually an outstanding judge of character and has often recruited some of her top sales people from positions at retail stores and other unusual sources; just because her gut has told her that they would be good producers. Most of the time she is spot-on, but once in a while, she will recruit someone and they turn out to be (not a good fit). Her business is also getting too large for her to follow up on details and her "people" needed better techniques for bringing in new office and consulting staff.
She discussed it with my mother, who found it to be a fascinating subject. And so I believe it to be also.
The only question that my mother could remember from the many that the interview consultant brought up was, "Cite a situation at work that influenced your life." These are the type of questions that allow you to understand a person's character; but also to define how the candidate may articulate/converse with others under pressure - which is exactly what my sister needs to know about her sales people.
I LOVE these kinds of interviews. They are thought-provoking and the interviews are just fun for me. I guess if you were an introvert, you might have the opposite reaction to these types of questions, but then again, if you are interviewing for a sales or management position (and not IT where you don't have to talk to/convince people) then you might not find these psychological questions terribly enjoyable.
My #1 all time favorite interview was here in Kuwait at KGLPI (Kuwait Gulf Link Ports International). I sat across the table from the Chairman, Dr. Mohammad Mazeedi, the CEO, and their HR Director. They had obviously taken interview training and I found myself bombarded by fascinating questions! (Bad memory runs in my family...) I can't remember all the questions, but they were similar to, "Tell us a situation where you had a conflict at work and how did you resolve it." "What was your most memorable learning experience at work?" "Who was your favorite boss and why?" By the end of the nearly hour-long interview, all of us were laughing. I knew I had the job, but I sent them all flowers the next day, thanking them for the greatest interview session EVAH!
KGLPI offered me the job but later rescinded it because my extremely unethical former employer - who had just terminated me to save money! - threatened to sue them for "stealing his employee". And this was after he had terminated me and I was looking for a new job! Dr. Mazeedi, who I admire tremendously, contacted me about 6 months after the incident and told me that he liked me and wanted me to know the truth of what happened. I understood their predicament completely. It was unfortunate because we would have made a great team.
I would like to answer this question, "Cite a situation at work that influenced your life." I told my mother the story last night. She had never heard the story before (or maybe I told her way-back-when and she didn't remember. That's ok because I can't remember if I told her or not). Again, this question has to do with your character and your perspective. Some people might read into this as a business-related question: "The day I got Windows 8, changed my life!" Yeah.... ok.... there is no right or wrong answer. They're just asking for insight.
Swede Nelson at SAIC was a high-level, tenured manager at the division where I worked. I only had the blessing of working with Swede for about a year. He was very knowledgeable and kind. And, he had stage 4 cancer and must have been in a tremendous amount of pain. That man came to work every.single.day (although he could have chosen to be out on disability) wearing a morphine pack and ALWAYS wearing a smile. He always had something nice to say to colleagues. He was always helpful. He never let on that he hurt, or he was tired. You would never have known how sick he was. That man influenced my life. He helped form my work ethic (although seriously - if any of you know me in business, I (think I) whine about health issues quite a bit and I shouldn't. Swede taught me that anything can be accomplished through kindness, humor, and a good attitude. When he died, we all went to his funeral and service at Arlington Memorial Cemetery where he was buried with honors, befitting a man of his character.
Ok, so now that I have discussed what kind of interviews I like, let me relate which kind I hate.... I hope that I have had some influence on colleagues who use these "techniques" (or lack thereof) during interviews. "Where do you see yourself in the next 5 years?" "Why are you leaving your current job?" "Have you reviewed our website?" Really? Seriously? Snore. It is not 1950. Get onto the Googly thing and research current interview questions/techniques. That's my advice to junior staff. In knowing how to interview a candidate, you then learn how you can better respond in an interview with a potential employer. It's easy.
Lets start with the new increase in gas prices in Kuwait - Coming to a pump near you on September 1.
Kuwait Increase in Gasoline Prices - Calculator: Here is some'in interesting: a fuel calculator of how much you are paying now for gas in Kuwait (by care make/model/year) vs how much you are about to pay with the random increase in price: http://www.kuwaitfuel.com/ I supposedly own a Chevrolet "Caniro". That must be Arabic for Camaro. Hmmm. I'll be paying about 3 KD more per fill up. Good times.
Question: Where is the money going? To repair streets? To enforce traffic laws?
Maybe they could reduce costs if (now get this...) the gas stations were self-serve and accepted credit cards at the pump. Holy sh*t - now there's a thought!
It's not like Western countries where gas costs more because it is imported and then gas companies pay millions in marketing. Are you here to save money?
Ya know - people used to come to Kuwait to save money. Not so anymore. You think you can save here, but you just get by. My Kuwaiti friends (who enjoy lots of government subsidies) are just scraping by at the end of the month. Food costs are pretty high here. Rent is outrageous (and don't believe the hype about rents decreasing - that's BS). You can't own anything, so you are giving your money away for free to building owners and often you don't even get maintenance with that - even when it is in writing. For what I pay in rent, I could be paying a mortgage on a VERY nice property in the US.
I didn't come here to save money (but word of advice to my younger self: save money!). I came for a different quality of life.
Quality of Life
When I came here, Kuwait was a lazy little laid-back town where you weren't so drained from work that you could get around to see all your friends and do a few activities that made you happy. Like parties on weekends or whatever. Now, I'm afraid to go to parties for fear of raids or being harassed at checkpoints (and I also can no longer stand the loud music and smoke). I am too physically/emotionally drained to see friends because I'm working hard and stressing about things that perhaps I shouldn't be. Getting to and from anywhere is a stresser: Traffic is so bad that I don't want to leave the house anymore. Literally. You have to have multiple eyes around your head to see predator drivers coming at you from multiple angles. Shopping is not fun. You have to plan your logistics: Pick a route, time of day, day of the week, location with easy parking access. It's all a big pain in the azz. People are downright rude and you feel like you get shot down if you try to be polite, smile, or make small conversation (in any language). Of course, I'm generalizing, but when you get poked enough with small pins you get deflated and don't want to do the things you used to do.
Melancholy after vacation?
I write about this stuff usually right after I return from a vacation. But I've been writing about it/thinking about it more often over the past few years. The re-entry into Kuwait is becoming more difficult. Is it because I'm getting a little older (29++) or is it just that things are changing here? Maybe a little of both?
So, the entire country of Kuwait is about to be DNA tested. To include Kuwaitis, non-Kuwaitis (stateless) and expats.
It's about to go POMPEI up in here! Maury say:
Arab Times
KUWAIT CITY, Aug 21: The Ministry of Interior expects
thousands of Kuwaitis not to come forward for the DNA test because they fear
losing their nationality, reports Al- Shahed daily. (DG comment: Emmmmm.... I don't think that's why, but ok...)
The daily put this number at approximately 200,000 saying
these people got their nationality through fraudulent means.
However, sources close to the issue said the ministry is
prepared to take legal action against those who reject the DNA test to the
extent of withdrawing their citizenship. Official sources at the Interior
Ministry said failure to undergo DNA test to obtain the e-passport will not be
tolerated by the government which is determined to set a time limit to undergo
these tests and failure will mean cancellation of passports and issuing a
travel ban against them even to the GCC states.
The sources added the Ministry of Interior represented by
the General Department for Citizenship Affairs shall remain in touch with other
government institutions and terminate the services of those who refuse to
undergo the DNA tests and also suspend free medical treatment in government
hospitals.
The sources also said the government will impose a ban on
their transactions of all kinds and their siblings will not be accepted in
government schools.
The sources pointed out these measures will not be arbitrary
or chaotic, but in accordance with legal norms, and shall be as stated in the
provisions of the Kuwaiti nationality law which is in force with regard to
withdrawing nationality of those who have acquired it through fraudulent means.
---
Ok, so how are they going to count all those kids that don't belong to they Kuwaiti daddies? Did they obtain their nationality fraudulently? One has to wonder what will happen. I believe that there may indeed be a wee bit of chaos on all levels of society following these tests. Should be fascinating.
I love how "they" (and I don't know who "they" is but just "they") blame everything but the true cause of accidents.
Here's what really causes accidents in Kuwait: Speed, lack of law enforcement/fines, people who get their licenses via wastah and not by actually knowing how to drive, lack of drivers training, reckless drivers/repeat offenders who use wastah to get off and are back on the roads, etc.
Then there are those who want to outdo the Al-Jones' and buy their kid a hot car: If you are going to buy your kid a high-speed sports car when he (usually he) is too young (30 and under?) to understand or care that speed kills, it isn't the kid's fault: It is the parents.
Further.... (Just a few, fun Desert Girl pieces of advice)
It is NOT ok to reverse up an exit ramp.
It is NOT ok to cut across 3 lanes of traffic "just because"
It is NOT ok to zig-zag/weave in-and-out of lanes
It is NOT ok to tailgate: putting your bumper so far up the ass-end of the car in front of you that the other driver can see your tonsils.
It is NOT ok to talk on the phone (text, look for a Pokemon) with your kid on your lap, smoking a cigarette while driving.
It is NOT ok to make 4 lanes out of 1 or 2.
Also, if you're a dumbass and don't maintain your car, that's another reason for accidents and break-downs. Tires are important in Kuwait, oil changes, checking the water and cooling system, brake pads... (Your stupid Sworovski crystal rear-view mirror charm is NOT the most important aspect of your car.)
They were blaming foreigners for the high rate of traffic accidents just five minutes ago. Now this from the Arab Times:
High rate of traffic accidents in Kuwait tied to ‘fake car
parts
KUWAIT CITY, July 16: Deaths recorded in motor accidents in
Kuwait reached 429 in 2015 while 461 cases were recorded in 2014. In this
context, several citizens and expatriates have attributed the high rate of
traffic accidents in Kuwait to widespread of fake car parts.
A Kuwaiti man Ali Jaber asserted that fake car parts from
China and Korea as well as some Arab countries have flooded the Kuwaiti market
in an unbelievable manner. He stressed that many motorists are forced to buy
fake parts considering the high cost of the originals, knowing well it is
detrimental to the performance of their cars and shortens their lifespan. (DG note, then buy a frickin Toyota if you can't afford the maintenance on a Merc, dumbasses! "Forced" ha!)
“I never source for fake parts for my cars no matter the
condition, in order to avoid putting myself in danger of accidents. Another respondent
Subhi Imam indicated he sometimes purchases fake car parts because the original
is expensive. He cited a particular spare part sold is for about KD 12 but he
gets the fake one for KD 2 or less. In his comment, Mohamed Abdul Ali said his
cousin burnt the interior of his car about two years ago because he used a fake
electrical part, and the end result was deadly.
Also, mechanical engineer Adel Al-Hamoud indicated the
widespread of fake car parts in Kuwait is a dangerous trend. He premised his
account on the fact that materials used in manufacturing fake spare parts are
recycled more than once, and they are not clean. Therefore, they are easy to
break.
I guess today I'm just not being very creative because I'm just hijacking other blogger's information. American Girl is a friend who used to live in Kuwait and now lives in North Carolina with her husband and a family of Salukis they are raising. I love her perspective - and just really like her in general. Here is what she had to say about temporary marriage with a response from one of her readers. I thought I would pass it along. Some might find it informative. It is an interesting read.
Here goes...
Several times a week I get emails from readers who are involved in
relationships with Muslim men and are often seeking advice on religion,
culture, tradition, and how the three tie into one another — if at all. Many of
them are also seeking advice on marriage and whether or not he’s ‘serious’ when
he asks her to consider marrying him. Obviously I don’t have all the answers
and never claimed to be a professional in the field of intercultural marriages,
so I simply share information based on my experience and hope that helps.
A topic I recently realized I have never covered is Mut’a
Marriage. And based on a few emails I’ve gotten as of late, I figured now would
be the best time to touch on this.
My experience with Mut’a is pretty much nonexistent. It’s
something (from what I understand) that is practiced among the Shia’a Muslims
and not so much anymore within the Sunni community. Someone please correct me
if I’m wrong. I’m basing this information off of friends in Kuwait and the UAE
who are both Sunni and Shia’a. Therefore, I would love to hear from any readers
who have been involved in a Mut’a Marriage in hopes of helping out some of the
women who might be reading this and could use that guidance.
It’s my understanding Mut’a is a ‘temporary marriage’ where
a woman agrees to be a man’s wife for a specified period of time and can then
participate in all things husbands and wives participate in; ie. sex. There is
no dowry involved, no additional benefits, no financial gain (unless he agrees
to pay her a certain amount), and no support upon divorce. Some of these
marriages last as short as a few days and some can be a lifetime I suppose. As
far as their legality, I know they’re not recognized in the US as our marriages
(to be legal) must be documented in a court. A Mut’a Marriage is simply an
agreement between a man and woman. I don’t believe there’s any paperwork
involved. However, I do believe it’s a fairly common practice for boyfriends
and girlfriends as a way to eliminate any Islamic guilt. You know… have sex, pretend
you’re married, and Allah doesn’t know any better. No offense intended. Just
keeping it real.
That being said, if you’re one of the women who have written
me about your boyfriend asking to marry you ‘temporarily’ to ‘test’ out how a
real marriage would be, maybe that’s not exactly what he means. It’s possible
he has a strong desire to have sex with you but his religious guilt is telling
him to ‘do the right thing’ and ‘marry’ you. Of course the real right
thing would be to respect you as a woman and keep it in his pants. But, chances
are, you’re unaware of his culture and what is and is not permitted in his
religion. He can pretty much tell you anything and you’ll pretty much believe
it. And of course, once he starts throwing the idea of marriage around, it
makes it all that much more appealing. And, well, ‘real’ in your mind.
Do your homework, ladies. And keep your panties on while
you’re studying
Muta’a is the Shiite version of temporary marriage, but
there is also “misiaar” for Sunnis. Misiaar is a form of temporary marriage
when a man travels (supposedly for a long period of time at a location far away
from his wife, but more recently people have been bending the rules on this
one). I don’t know the details of Misiaar marriages. Neither of these forms of
marriage are accepted by legal entities (governments) and are done without
witnesses, making them secret arrangements (at the discretion of the couple to
tell people or not).
“Orfi” marriage is by contract with witnesses and presided
over by an Islamic cleric. Both the man and woman sign the marriage contract.
This form of marriage can be approved by legal entities if the couple takes the
contract to court (or if the woman becomes pregnant).
I’ve been “temporarily” (“muta’a”) married several times;
for very short-term and two that lasted over 5 years each. I didn’t seek the
arrangements – it was because the boyfriend asked for it (and in one case,
although muta’a is a Shiite Muslim belief, my Bedouin Sunni Muslim boyfriend
asked me to marry him muta’a as it made him feel better/less guilty). In the
case of both of the long-term arrangements, I was the one who didn’t want to
get married in court for different reasons. But – I was educated before I went
into it.
I’m not a Shiite Muslim. I don’t believe in the “sanctity”
of temporary marriage; but I do believe in commitment and temporary marriage
takes the boyfriend/girlfriend relationship to a different level, just by
stating that you commit to that person for a period of time. (How many
boyfriends can actually put a time limit commitment on your relationship or are
willing to commit to anything at all?) You are saying vows out loud which makes
it deeper somehow (at least in my experience and maybe I’m romanticizing
something that is really just a pretend marriage?). All good and no judgement
as long as everybody is in agreement and knows what it is and that it isn’t
meant to last forever.
So, how do you get married via muta’a? The man recites a
statement and the woman responds with a statement (I can’t remember the exact
words). There is a mahar (dowry). It is usually symbolic (like a quarter
dinar), however, the woman can ask for whatever she wants (and trust me when I
tell you that NO man asking you to get temporarily married will educate you on
this fact). In my long-term arrangements, I asked for rings (if you want me to
take this seriously, then be serious). (But if you need a new refrigerator and
a new set of tires, you can throw that in there – whatever you want.) In the
statement, you insert the mahar amount (or material thing) and the duration of
the agreement.
In my long-term temporary marriages, other people knew we
were married (however non-traditional/controversial it may have sounded to
others). Short-term marriages were basically for fun so the guys didn’t feel
guilty about sinning. Whatever. There is no formal “divorce.” And – like other
forms of marriage in Islam, the guy can marry several wives so you don’t know
if he is temporarily married to other women at the same time. Muta’a within
Arab circles is usually only done when a woman is divorced (meaning she is no
longer a virgin).
My advice to your readers who are asking questions about the
possibility of marriage to their Muslim boyfriend: There is no “try before you
buy” in Islam. Ask him direct questions: Specifically, what type of marriage do
you want? If the guy is serious about a “forever” commitment and wants you,
tell him to get serious: put his mother on the phone with you. Tell him what
you want. A reception? Flowers? Your family? His family? But get a marriage
license first. AND – make sure that you know about the marriage contract before
doing anything. If you don’t add in the contract that you want half of the
house and/or alimony (specific amount) on divorce, you are going to be left
with nothing. It MUST be in the marriage contract.
Kuwaitiful did such a
wonderful job of listing little-known-rights facts that I am reposting it
here. I've been here 20 years and some of the information he's listed was news
to me.
If
a cop stops your car and asks you to open your car’s trunk to inspect, you can
politely tell him not to proceed until he shows you permission from the “Bublic
Prosecution“.
A
cop approaches you to investigate or arrest you but wasn’t wearing his cop
uniform, do you have to comply? Yes but only if he shows you his identification
card.
If
you were going through financial hardship and wanted to write a check with a
date in the future (to avoid the person cashing the check today) would that be
permissible? No, the bank by law is obliged to cash a check if it is handed to
them.
If
you rented an apartment or a house for 1 year, you are qualified by law to
extend the rent for up to 5 years. The owner cannot kick you out before then.
If
you purchased a used car with a document from a company saying the car is
functional with no problems and the car turns out to have issues you have the
right to go back to that company and demand compensation.
If
you have comprehensive car insurance on your car (the one that covers you
whether the accident was your fault or not) and you make a fake accident
document to cash in, you will face 7 years of jail time.
In
most cases, you will have to bring your witnesses because no one else will
order them to attend for you and if you don’t you increase your chances of
losing your case.
If
you wanted to lend someone money, if it’s less than KD 5,000, there should be a
witness(es) but if it’s more than KD 5,000 then there must be a written
contract stating you have lent him the amount or else you won’t be able to file
a case against him if he refuses to pay you back.
If
a crime was taking place, and you were standing next to the people doing the
crime while they were doing it then you are considered a partner in that crime
and might face jail time.
If
you work at a bank and you took a loan from that bank, the bank cannot
charge you an interest fee regardless of how large the loan is or how long it
will take you to pay it back.
Every
person has the right to exchange an item they purchased within 5 days if
the item was damaged. It is against the law to have a store stating an
item cannot be exchanged or refunded.
A
crime can be as simple as throwing water at someone. If someone assaulted you
they can get up to 3 months to 10 years of jail time. If you get physically
harmed go to the hospital first, get proof that you have been assaulted then go
file a case at the police station with proof.
When
you receive a check, you have 4 months to go to a bank and cash in the check
from the day the check was issued. If the issuer of the check had insufficient
funds in his bank account, you can submit a complaint to the prosecution (you
have 4 months to do so, else your submission will be void).
You
have the right to pay your rent fees of where you reside anytime before the
20th of that same month. If you pass the 20th and haven’t paid rent yet the
owner has the right to file for your departure. If you pay before the 20th of
the month and the owner refuses to accept your payment, you should file a
complaint to the government so that he wouldn’t force you to leave the
apartment for good on the basis of not paying your rent fees.
Having a
weapon without an official licence can get you jail time of 5 years. Even just
having ammunition of a weapon without an official licence will get you in jail.
I say having instead of owning because just having a weapon with you will
get you prosecuted, you don’t need to own it.
If
someone physically attacked you (either male or female), you have the right to
attack back to defend yourself. Part of self-defense is not over-exaggerating,
if someone pushes you for example you cannot go and stab him on the basis of
self-defense. If you do so, that will get you prosecuted.
If
you beat someone up and that person dies as a result of his/her wounds but it
was proven you did not have the intention of killing that person, you will face
10 years of jail time.
Sometimes
you rent a place and find something is damaged, it can be in the AC, Elevator
etc (something leaking for example). The owner must pay for fixing what was
damaged, if the owner refuses to pay you can take permission from the
government to fix it and have him pay for it.
If
you own a house and you’re renting part of it while one of the people you’re
renting to is noisy and disrupts other neighbors. You can then as the owner of
the house file a submission to force him to leave for good. You will need in
this situation to have witnesses and they have to be neighbors of
that apartment.
If
you take a photo of someone that does not want you to take of a photo of them,
you will face 2 years of jail time. If you also share their photo with others
or make it available online, then you face 3 years of jail time. This should
make you think twice before taking a photo of someone without their consent.
Any
Kuwaiti that is registered in a company he doesn’t work in to receive the
monthly labor support salary from the government will face up to 7 years of
jail time if caught as well is paying back all the money he
illegally received.
If
you accuse someone of a crime and it later turns out the accuser knew the
accused did not do the crime, then the accuser will face 2 years of jail. I
would guess this also applies when a girl falsely accuses a guy of
rape.
If
a person falsely called the fire department, or the police to report a crime,
or accident and in reality there was no such thing. This person faces 3 years
of jail time plus all expenses endured by the government for his actions.
If
you purchased a car outside Kuwait and went to the local dealership and
they refused to service your car or asked you to open a profile with their
company first and pay a fee, this company has went against the law. You can
then file a complaint against them at the Ministry of Commerce to get your
issue resolved.
There’s
a government sector that deals with complaints. Any girl that files a complaint
of someone threatening to make her images public or recorded conversations, she
will be taken seriously and with complete privacy.
It
used to be when you go to a store and bought a product on discount, you
wouldn’t have the right to return it. The rules applied have changed, you can
now exchange the product within 14 days of purchase.
If
you find out at the end of the month that your Telecom provider has billed
you for services you never used or even knew you had, you can file a complaint
at the Consumer Protection sector (call 135).
You
can put ‘No Parking’ signs in your private property but at the same time you
are not allowed to damage or harm any cars that park in your property. Instead,
you let the police deal with it.
Any
restaurant that has a minimum order or has service charges is not permissible
in Kuwait. If you end up dealing with any of the two you can file a complaint
at the Consumer Protection sector (call 135) and if you win the case you can
ask for a refund on the money that you were unjustly charged for.I remember I
was in Fridays once and when we got the check, there was a big service charge
so when we asked them to remove it because it’s not legal they said our lawyers
said it was okay to keep it and we ended up paying for it. This was at least 5
years ago so I can’t remember the exact scenario, what I remember for certain
is they refused to remove the service charge.
If
you have a relative that is addicted to drugs, don’t wait until he gets caught
and jailed for possession of drugs. You can instead file a complaint (for
his/her own good) at the drugs department and they will open a file for him
there and treat him as a sick patient, a case will not be filed against
him.
If
you resign from your job and qualify for end of service benefits while during
your job you used to get a bonus end year salary every year then the end of
service benefits must also include the bonus with your salary.
If
you took your car to the dealership for maintenance. The dealership is obliged
to give you a paper that includes maintenance duration, what will they need to
fix and what are things that will be replaced if any.
Most
car dealerships tell you if you do your maintenance outside their dealership it
will void your warranty. This is incorrect, you can by law do your
maintenance anywhere as long as they abide to using the correct equipment for
maintaining your car
If
you wanted to sue someone don’t do it a while later, you have to file a
lawsuit as soon as possible because every dispute has a limit of days
if passed and you still haven’t sued, then you can’t file for a lawsuit.
Many
think if you curse someone without mentioning their name then that person can’t
sue you for damages. That isn’t true, if you curse someone with information
leading to that person than they can sue you on that basis.
If
you go to a store and give back your product then ask for a refund while the
store says we can’t give you a refund in cash but you can purchase anything
from us with the same amount, that store has gone against a law because they
are forced by law to refund you with cash.
Expensive
items such as diamonds and watches can be returned within 24 hours if on the
receipt it mentions the 24 hour duration. If it doesn’t mention that duration
then you have the right to return the item within 14 days.
Now I am Lawyer #4. I've decided to pursue the case only because it amounted to psychological terrorism and I'm not willing to back down. I am sure that asstard is doing the same to other tenants - maybe even as I'm writing this.
I have met with some of THE most unethical people in my life during the past year. I invested time and money to people who led me down the wrong path; who knowingly referred me to work with a law STUDENT when they knew that the creature I was signing a contract with was not in fact an actual lawyer. I paid that lawyer out on the recommendation of the same person, only to be misled yet again on her referral of Lawyers #3; changing the terms and conditions for payment and contract signing after 4 months of having my power of attorney. Really? (How long does it take go go get police reports?! It took me 4-5 hours each time to document the police reports and not one lawyer can just obtain them?) Anyhoo, this person lives in its own little world, believing its own BS, so I should have known. Well, my fault for trusting someone with so little ethics and moral fortitude. You want to believe people, but you learn. Que sera.
Bygones. As AHE says, "That was in the past." (He thinks "in the past" is even a day ago, but he's right.)
#4 is a guy who I am not going to pay until he gets the job done; money in hand. From what I've been told by a Sheikh friend, "He's a magician in the ministries." So maybe he'll be my lucky charm. Who knows? Nothing to lose on this one.
I just know that this whole thing has been a learning process. I've lost a few false friends over it and I really don't have any regrets because its all for the best. God shows you who your real friends are, and blesses you when you find out who they are not.
(Note that I am adding links to articles that are appearing almost on a daily basis now around the Globe at the end of this post.)
This has been all over social media and the written press is just starting to take a look at it. It happened on June 17, 2016, at a facility in/near Mina Abdullah that had a contract with KNPC. According to the story and various sources, supposedly 24 dogs (but as many as 40) were killed when the company lost it's contract - apparently in a form of revenge.
There are still 91 dogs at the facility and everyone is very concerned for them.
Kuwait Animal Rescue Unit Q8 can be found on Instagram KARUQ8 if you wish to
follow their progress.
Note that I have not mentioned the name of the company nor it's owner/management because it would be illegal to do so in Kuwait. However, you can read any of the internationally-published stories to learn more.
I am saddened, sickened, and distressed by this. I go home and look at my own German Shepherd and wonder how anyone could be so evil and cold-hearted to such wonderful creatures. They will do anything for you for just a little love.
To all of you working to help in this case, God Bless You and keep up the good fight.
American semi-Kuwaiti living, working, eating, boating, and observing in Kuwait. Born in America, but raised with Kuwaitis, I get culture shock on both continents. No one understands me, but my dog, and she still gives me strange looks once in a while.
I do not accept payment for advertising; I won't entertain the thought. If I think your product or service is worthy of discussion, I will post about it. If I help you, you can send me pink roses.
If you are interested in reading about the Bedoun cause in Kuwait, see my posts which are tagged "Bedoun Civil Rights Movement".
I danced in the desert, I swam by the shores, I spent warm nights under starlit blankets of silver, I made friends from far-away places I ate and drank and savored it all I loved and was loved What more could anyone ask for?
